


WAR DOGS

by codeblackmoira



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Military, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ben Solo and his dog, Blood and Violence, But Lowkey The Best, Captain Ben Solo, Earn Your Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Flip is the dog, Hux is So Done, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Lots of Angst, Military, OTP You're Not Alone, Pining, Rookie Rey, Slow Burn, Uniform Kink, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-10-10 04:24:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 83,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17419058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/codeblackmoira/pseuds/codeblackmoira
Summary: 《 Never go where I can't follow. 》Rey is a newly trained combat medic in the Alliance Army. For her first deployment, she's sent to Niima Outpost - right in the middle of the deadliest Jakku's hotspot - to serve under Captain Solo's command, joining his squad.This is her personal story of a warfare―the fights, the losses, and the love that come with it.





	1. New Dog in Town

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends, thanks for joigning!  
> I just want to get this out of the way: this is my first time writing in English so... yep, nervous! I'm doing my best to be worthy of your time but as it's not my native language, there could be some mistakes here and there I'm very sorry about that. Other than that, I hope you'll have a great time! :)  
>   
> You can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/codeblackspace), I never really sleep. Here's a mood [playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL7Yv9Q3pmIIZUxffTkpzbdkc7B6O1Nqxr).
> 
> Pack your sunscreen and enjoy the ride! xxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5/27/19 Chapter beta-ed by [AKnightOfWren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AKnightOfWren) ❤️

 

_“We believe that the Empire has willfully and malignantly usurped the rights of the free beings of the world and therefore, it is our unalienable right to abolish it from the Free World.”_

―An excerpt from the Declaration of Rebellion

 

✯✯✯

 

**CHAPTER ONE**

 

“Adhara, are you fucking deaf?”

The young woman jolts upwards, feeling the rush of tension as the voice of her superior bites through her without mercy. Her hands firmly clasped on the handles of her MOLLE backpack to fight the shaking, she forces her voice out in what she hopes is a convincing tone.

“Sir. No, Sir.”

“What are you waiting for then?” the officer asks with the same harsh demeanor. “Look alive!”

“Yes, Sir.”

Within seconds, Rey bites on her tongue and put one foot after the other, following the man in regulation uniform through the busy hangar of the advanced operating base. With her shorter legs and all the stuff she’s forced to carry, she has to quicken the allure to catch up with him and stay close behind him. Hands crossed behind his back, her superior doesn’t bother to glance back at her and continues his speech with the same low voice, void of emotions.

“The flight to Jakku is approximately ten hours long, take a piss before you go. You’ve been assigned to Niima,” he informs her officially. “You’ll be under Captain Solo’s command. His squad needs a new medic, the previous one’s… Well, medics are quite limited these days.”

Rey catches the lingering feeling in his words. She knows. Everybody knows, really. The war against the Empire is raging throughout the entire Free World, claiming heavy losses in their ranks with each passing day. She knew when she enlisted in the Alliance’s army that her own life would be put in the line of fire at some point. She never expected to be stationed somewhere safe to patch up soldiers and help the coalition, because nowhere was safe anymore. But being a rookie, Rey Adhara didn’t quite expect to be sent to the most dangerous place on Earth right after graduating either.

For the past few days, she somehow tried to push any negative thoughts out of her mind, focusing on packing her things and getting to the aircraft base as soon as she could. Functioning on emergency services was one of her main qualities. Even now, following the middle-aged man in the last dregs of daylight, Rey attempts to silence the intrusive thoughts born from her fears to take in what her mentor was telling her.

“You’ll see,” he continues with a faint spark of humor. “Niima’s quite a shithole of a FOB, but last time I checked, they still had running water.”

“Nothing like dying clean, right?”

The officer stops abruptly walking, with Rey barely managing to not crash into him. He turns to face her, allowing her to see the tiredness in his stern gaze, his dark eyes taking her in. The kind of eyes that have seen too much, and slept too little since the beginning of the war. Adhara feels a cold sweat running at the back of her neck, already regretting the sarcasm in her words. She knows all too well that this is no joke, but her nervousness is giving her away.

“You’re not dying, Adhara.” he articulates slowly. “I’m just getting rid of your ass, it’s not for you to come back in a box and be my fucking problem again. Understood?”

Rey blinks stupidly, the weight of her bags cutting in her shoulders painfully.

“Yes… Sir.”

“Good. Now get on that plane and be someone else’s problem.” he gestures towards a heavy-duty cargo plane located a few meters away on the busy gray runway.

Despite the apparent coldness of this statement, Rey knows better. She knows nobody has time anymore for mollycoddling and kind words in this shell of a world they live in. Even before that, Rey didn’t experience much gentleness in her life. Everything was always rough and dry for her, fire-hot like the days on Jakku, leaving her feelings frozen inside her. She was never the type to cry to ease the pain. Instead, she fought back as much as she could, digging her way out of every situation on her own, learning from a young age she couldn’t rely on anyone but herself.

For the longest time, she felt her loneliness as a blistering void in her soul. A young orphan dreaming to find a family in someone – anyone. But as the years passed, Rey grew accustomed to the numbness of her own fairytale wishes. Eventually, she let them go to find something else instead, something far more valuable to her; her own strength. She had more tools than most to live in this world, and she knew she had a purpose to serve somewhere.

Everyone has a place in the grand scheme of things, whether they know it or not. And sometimes, people connect, they share, they bond. It doesn’t happen a lot to Rey though, because a lot of people are too busy with their own lives to really pay attention to her. She’s a petite figure in the army world, almost swallowed whole by her earthy-colored uniform, her shoulder-length chestnut hair always braided flat against her head. But sometimes, people do see her. Like her CO does right now, shaking her hand for the first time since she joined the medical combat unit of the Alliance.

Rey takes another look at him – maybe the last, her throat dry. She doesn’t know whether or not she’ll see the man again. She knows nothing about her new posting, or about this Captain Solo she’s joining on the other side of the world. She doesn’t know what awaits for her on Jakku, apart from sand and probably a lot of blood. She has trained hard for this, and she hopes she’ll be ready. She really hopes she can make a difference and help people, do her part for the Free World. That’s her mission, and that’s her plan.

Help, fight, stay alive. Maybe come back, one day.

“Make us proud, kid. You’ve got this.”

Finally, a shy smile brushes the corner of her mouth, as the sun sets behind the horizon line in a red departure. Rey readjusts the grip on her MOLLE, ready to board her one-way trip to the hottest hell on the planet.

“I’ve got this,” she says back to herself.

“Farewell, Adhara. May the Force be with you.”

“And with you, Sir.”

✯

Rey didn’t have many, if any expectations about Jakku. She knew only the basics about the country. She knew it was hot and windy, a land of abrasive sand and burning rocks where it’s hard to grow anything and harder to live. Not a place where most people would choose to live, less again fight for. Three major cities, two in the hands of the Alliance, supporting the insurrection of the rebels. The third city was still under the control of the Empire, and they were not anywhere near letting the reigns go. Because even if Jakku was an inferno for mankind, deep within the soil was the hidden price of war: the black opium, gigantic oil fields apparently worth fighting for. Another old and repetitive story since the beginning of time. Those who control the oil, control the world, and the Alliance couldn’t risk backing down from this hotspot at any cost.

Of course, there is more to it than that, but Rey isn’t really interested in complex politics. Her biggest concern is the people caught up on the war, and she wonders how the locals are reacting to the army occupation of their lands. She wonders if the rebels have support among them. She wonders—

An abrupt tremor in the flying metal coffin causes her to suck in a breath. They seem to have landed, she can hear the whirling tumult of air brushing against the plane’s wings as the engines work to slow the plane down. Suddenly, all of her apprehension crawls back to the front of her mind, leaving her feeling dizzy in her seat and gasping for air. This is it, she’s here.

“Get your gear on,” yells a voice from the front of the cargo hold. “Helmets on!”

Rey didn’t expect that. She shoots a quick glance in front of her, a handful of men are already moving to put on their bulletproof vests and retrieving their rifles. They seem unfazed by the events, chatting casually among themselves, still ignoring her presence ever since she boarded the plane with them ten long hours ago. She doesn’t mind being invisible though. It’s not like she hadn’t expected it. She’s a medic, she’s a rookie, and she’s a _lady._  Nothing interesting going on for her. She knows damn well she’ll have to prove her value somehow, but she’s smart enough to pick the right battles. This wasn’t one of them, and she likes the silence of her own company. But now, it’s time to look alive, as her former instructor would tell her.

Eased by the memory of the taciturn man, Rey gets to her feet and gets ready to disembark. Her helmet falls just above her eyebrows as she grabs a safety net to maintain her balance through the last few meters of the journey. Finally, the plane stops on the runway, the silence of the cargo hold broken by noise drifting in from their new base as the ramp of the big cargo falls to the ground with a loud hiss of its pistons, a hot gust of wind blowing into the cabin. The young woman blinks involuntarily, her eyes beginning to water because of the sand being carried on the wind. She doesn’t have much time to think about it though, before she has to follow the column of men leaving the plane without even knowing where she’s headed.

Everything around her is happening much too fast to take anything in properly and process it. Rey decides its best to follow the rest of the soldiers, and falls in behind them without a word. The group of men are pushing forward without hesitation, they seem to know their way around here, likely from previous tours. Vehicles cross their route and freighters are being unloaded. Rey has to keep track of the men that arrived with her, the sandstorm raging on around them making it difficult to navigate their surroundings. She doesn’t want to get lost somewhere and make a fool of herself within minutes of arriving, first impressions are important, right?

With all her equipment on, her weapon and her bag, the young woman is struggling to keep to the same pace of her fellow soldiers. But no one will stop for her, and she knows it. After a few minutes, her blood is already running hot in the unfamiliar temperatures of Jakku. This is going to be fun.

Behind the curtain of rusty flying sand, cold spotlights towering south emerge in front of her. Now, she can clearly see the tall wall made of metal barricades and the faded Alliance flag blowing in the wind hanging onto dear life by a few threads. One side of a heavily guarded double rusted door is open. The newcomers are weaving in and out of various trucks. Rey’s still following the string of men inside the bastion while making some room to let a hauler in with them.

As they do, the young woman glances curiously around her. Her first memory of Niima Outpost will be this one; a big reflective sign up on the inner wall, made out of chunks of wood and yellow paint which reads _Home of the Crazy Dogs._  She has no clue what this is about, but she stares at it more than she probably needs to. Long enough for someone to shove into her violently.

“Watch your steps, Cherry!” hisses an annoyed voice, staring daggers at her as he shoulders past.

“Watch yourself !” Rey bites back immediately. In front of her, the tall, lean man comes to full stop, the weight of his assault rifle balancing on his shoulder. He’s wearing the same mobility uniform as her, minus the helmet. His too-long for a reglementary cut hair is bright copper to match his beard and an orange triangle scarf hang loosely around his neck. His eyes are now narrowed menacingly as he takes her in.

“What did you just say?”

“I said,” Rey breathes out slowly. “Watch yourself.”

“The fucking nerve.”

Rey can see how she’s making new friends already, what a brilliant start. But everything she does and says now will determine how easily these men will accept her as an equal, and she cannot back down. She will _not_ be a pushover, lost in this big, terrifying, testosterone-driven wolf pack. _Dog pack,_  she thinks to herself.

“Who the fuck are you anyway?” the man asks coldly. “What is this, junior daycare? I didn’t know we were losing badly enough for them to send fucking twelve year old now.”

“I’m nineteen.”

“Oh, _great!_ ” he mocks her sarcastically. “I'm so relieved to know I’m gonna be fucking killed because a nineteen-year-old bloody pussy is supposed to watch my back against the Jaks, thanks! Remind me to send a thank you card to the Alliance if I survive until my next shit paycheck!”

“Fucking hell, chill out dude!” calls a voice behind him. “What are you trying to do, scare the new blood away before she’s even began?”

“I don’t give two shits if she’s scared right back to where she comes from. You think we’re running a daycare here?”

Next to the grumpy ginger soldier, the man sticking up for her stops. He’s shorter but somehow broader than his comrade, his short dirty blonde hair only a few centimeters long on his head. The lanyard of his weapon cuts deep into his overworked brown uniform, as he circles an arm around the other man.

“Shut the fuck up, Fox.” he grins, his eyes crinkling in the corners before turning to Rey. “Sorry about him, he doesn’t play well with other people. Too much sand up his ass.”

Puzzled by this whole conversation, Rey eyes them carefully.

“I’m Merle by the way! This is Fox, as you probably gathered. Are you with the mecha? You look like the type.”

“And what type is that?” she asks, rising an eyebrow under her heavy-duty helmet. “Female, I assume?”

“See, she’s a fucking cunt.” Fox points out with an annoyed grunt. “A nineteen year old one.”

“Nah, sorry, I meant…”

“I’m the new combat medic,” Rey cuts him, her voice filled with small pride. “I’m the nineteen years old cunt who’s gonna keep you from bleeding to death in the middle of this daycare center, so you better send _me_ your next thank you card.”

“Yeeha! I’m in love!”

“I fucking hate her,” grumbles the ginger with disdain. “Wait… Don’t tell me you’re _our_ new medic?”

“I don’t know, I’m supposed to report to Captain Solo. You guys know where I can find him?”

“Oh, _fuck me_!” groans Fox.

“I take it that’s a yes,” Rey says carefully.

“Looks like we’re gonna be a big happy family under the sun!” Merle replies, smiling playfully. “C'mon kid, I’ll show you to the Captain.”

Now that she has one thing off her plate, Rey is able to focus better. As she walks close to Merle on the dirt-covered ground of the FOB, she peaks left and right to remember the way back. Her back is covered in sweat underneath the many layers of her uniform, and she wonders how many people are collapsing from heatstroke and dehydration on a regular basis. This is something she will need to think about.

“By the way, I’m Rey,” she informs her newly found guide, as he escorts her through the outpost. “Rey Adhara.”

“Don’t bother,” Merle laughs dryly. “I’m not even gonna recall your first name.”

“O… kay?”

“No offense. You’re not gonna be Rey for too long. You think his real name’s Fox?” The man gestures a gloved hand to his temple, gesturing to the color of his friend’s hair while he speaks. “Get it, _Fox_?”

Yes, she _gets_ it. She’s not that dumb, thank you very much.

“His surname is Hux, but the Captain likes to find us new names. He’ll find one for you too.”

“Why?” she can’t help but ask. Rey is not so sure she wants some stupid nickname stuck to her for the remainder of her deployment. She’s not yet met the man and she’s already frowning.

“I don’t know, that’s just something he does.”

“So, does he have one too?” the young woman adds, all the while struggling to balance her gear around her.

“Oh, yeah. He does.”

Rey bites back a lazy laugh.

“Are you gonna tell me or is this some big secret stuff?” After a few minutes, they arrived near some wood-plank households built on a cemented platform. She figures it must be the officers CHU, because Merle is looking around, scanning the crowd of men while the life on the operating base is pulsing hard and effective. Clouds of sand and dust carried by the east wind are swirling around in the hot, dry air. The new recruit takes the liberty to let the clasp of her helmet falls open, and she removes the heavy weight from her head. Strands of wet hair are glued to her skin, on her temples and down her neck.

“His nickname is Kylo.”

“Kylo?” she repeats out loud after him. “Is that even supposed to mean something? I would’ve picked something more intimidating, you know. Sounds pretty dull to me.”

Rey puts a hand to her face, trying to wipe some of her sweat off her forehead.

“Why would I need something more intimidating when I could just dump you out in the middle of a Jaks zone if you’re not fit to tend the blisters of my men?”

For a mere second, the young woman freezes in horror at the sound of that deep, full voice behind her. Her hand falls back next to her without life. She’s _really_ good at fucking this up apparently. Jaw clenched, Rey finally commands herself to turn around, so she can face her new CO – who probably hates her already. A personal record. Her eyes then come in contact with a broad, solid chest in a brown uniform, and she’s forced to look up to make it to his features. Captain Solo is… not what she had expected. Not at all.

His gaze is strong, dark, piercing, detailing her under the menacing expression of his eyebrows. His face is quite something, that’s for sure, framed by black careless hair who is long overdue for a trim. She doesn’t know why exactly, but his sole presence is radiating an authority she would never possess in a thousand lifetimes. A long scar tears the flesh of his right cheek, down to his neck, adding more interesting features to his already unique face. He wears that same orange bandanna she already noticed around his neck too, and she suddenly wonders if it has a special meaning. What makes him special? Her mind would like to brush an answer to that question, so she can take another much-needed breath.

“Are you having a heatstroke, private?”

The stern tone of his voice hits Rey full force, leaving her to regain some of her senses at last.

“No, Sir,” she quickly says as she manages to do a military salute.

“At ease.”

She couldn’t be farther from it. Captain Solo is _not_ the type you mess around with. And she would like very much to take her words back, he is indeed intimidating. Hell, he’s fucking terrifying!

“So, you’ve already met one of the dogs l?”

Taken aback by the question, Rey parts her lips with indecision.

“The… dogs?… Sir?”

Is this some sort of test? Is he trying to put her on the spot? Next to her, Merle lets out a barely audible laugh, drowned out by the sound of the wind over their heads.

“Yes, the dogs,” Solo repeats with that same low, echoing voice that crawls under her skin like a knife. Unable to process the situation, Rey stands motionless in front of the man like a deer in headlights. He looks like he’s trying to decide if she’s worthy of living or not, but he could also be daydreaming about his next meal for all she knows.

“Looks like they sent us some barely legal kid who’s got no idea of what she just walked into,” he trails off. “What am I supposed to do with you? Tuck you into bed at night?”

The other man bursts into laughter, but hangs his head down as soon as Solo shoots a glance towards him. In front of them, Rey’s not amused for a second. She’s actually quite offended frankly. Her chest starts to burn despite the already feverish state of her body, leaving her voice caged in the back of her throat. All she can do is stare, and staring she does. Aggressively.

“Look at that, Merle. She’s gonna bark anytime soon,” he mocks with a half-smile.

“I don’t bark, but I can definitely bite,” Rey spits in anger before she can even stop herself. “ _Sir_.”

A long and heavy silence falls back in the steps of her words. Now, she _knows_ she’s really fucked.

“Good, you’re gonna need it around here. Find your quarters, get some sleep. Tomorrow morning, you’ve got PT with the squad at 0530 hours. I need to know what you’re made of. And I’ll give you some tips because you’re new: don’t be late with me.”

“I won’t, Sir.”

Solo puts his hands through the top of his armored vest, considering her. His head tilts to the side, ever so slightly, as some hair falls on his sweaty skin.

“What’s your name?”

“Rey Adhara.”

A sarcastic smile tugs the right corner of his mouth up, adding some sparks of unexpected energy to his dark brown eyes.

“Do you want something more _intimidating,_  Rey Adhara?”

She’s too intelligent not to understand the question. Helplessly, Rey catches herself waiting for his next move like a moth floating too close to a flame. She just spent the entirety of this conversation making a fool of herself and catching the heat of this man and yet, there she is, eager to fall under his line. What kind of trick is this? But now she understands the feeling, cause she _wants_ that damn nickname. She doesn’t even care how ridiculous it could be, she just wants to be part of the club. The strange club of Captain Kylo and his dogs.

“I think we should call you Rigel from now on.”

“Rigel, Sir?”

“Yes,” he lets out with that same deep-chested voice of him. “If you can figure out why, maybe I won’t let you die in the middle of an ambuscade when the enemy tries to kill you. And trust me, they _will_.”

Rey keeps her lips sealed together to suppress any reaction to this threat. She doesn’t really enjoy thinking of her probable soon-to-be death, but Solo doesn’t need to get that satisfaction from her.

“Tomorrow. 0530 hours,” he finally adds.

“I’ll be ready, Sir.”

“I bet you will, Rigel.”

___

NOTES:

CO – Commanding Officer

FOB – Forward Operating Base

CHU – Containerized Housing Unit

 


	2. Pick Your Bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends!  
> I figured I'd post the chapter 2 to give you another taste of the story. I'm planning to post at least once a week, maybe more depending on how fast I finish this. As it should be a short story, it should go pretty quickly! But also, I can get carried away sometimes so we'll see hahaha.  
> Thank you very much for your reactions!! I really appreciate any comment! Hope you'll enjoy!  
> Join me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/codeblackspace), I need SW mutu :). Here's the [playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL7Yv9Q3pmIIZUxffTkpzbdkc7B6O1Nqxr). xxx

 

**CHAPTER TWO**

 

With the help of Merle, Rey’s able to find her new quarters rapidly. It’s nothing like the solid CHU of the commanding chain. Rey’s just a commoner, and her new housing unit is a heavy-coated fabric tent, already bulging under the assaults of the unstable desert climate. The front flap dances up and down with a flat noise, but she can’t wait to get inside and _finally_ get rid of all of her bags. Her muscles are tired and cramped by the long travel to Jakku, and the idea of laying flat on a bed sounds wonderful to her, even in a hot tent.

“See you tomorrow then.”

“Yeah, thanks,” she mutters as the blond man gives her a small gesture before leaving.

Rey wastes no time and sets a foot inside the long army green tent. She quickly realizes she will not be staying with the rest of her squad while she’s here. This is a _female_ tent only. For some reason, this information makes her scrunch her noise in disapprobation. If she’s going to trust some strangers with her life out there, she’d very much like to bond with them. And she’s not sure how to do that when they’re all together all day long while she’s _here,_ in her princess castle. Surely, she can think of a lot of good reasons to not have mixed settlements, but she can’t help the feeling of discontentment flooding through her. She bets Captain Solo would find that so very amusing.

Making her way between two lines of metal-framed beds, Rey searches for an empty one to call her own. Some silent looks follow her around while she does, and she tries to compose herself with something else than a resting bitch face. She’s not good at making friends, like she’s already been reminded by the recent events. She needs to work on that asap.

Dumping her bags at the end of a bare mattress, Rey lets out a sigh of relief. She rolls her shoulder blades slightly and sets her riffle on her new bed, next to her helmet. While she does, a petite frame jumps upwards in the bed next to her, balancing her legs in her direction. Her immediate neighbor abandons the book she was reading under the sheer glow of an orange emergency lamp and shots her a bright smile, the first one Rey has seen in quite some time.

“Hey, new girl,” a sympathetic voice welcomes her.

“Hey,” she replies with a smile of her own. “I guess we’re gonna be bed-mates.”

“Great choice, you wouldn’t want to sleep next to that one over there. Too much snoring,” the young woman teases. She’s sporting raven black hair in a short ponytail, and her green work attire tells Rey she’s working in the mechanic field. While she’s studying her, the newcomer finally sits down on the edge of her bed, feeling her body giving in under the pressure of the past few days.

“I’m Rose,” adds the other girl. “But you can call me Shield if you want, pick your poison.”

“Shield ?” Rey asks curiously.

“Kind of an old joke, don’t ask. I’m a chopper repairer, but I can probably fix whatever you need me to fix around here. Actually, I know I can. What’s your style ?”

“Oh, I’m a combat medic,” Rey explains.

“Damn, you must be a tough cookie! Did you get your squad yet ?”

“Yeah, I’m with Captain Solo,” she tells her new comrade, keeping her voice as blank as possible. No need to get herself in more trouble already. But she doesn’t need to say anything else. Rose gives her a small grimace at the mention of the name, her almond-shaped eyes creasing with a bit of malice.

“Sorry to hear that, dude! He’s kind of an ass,” she laughs.

“Well… It’s not like we’re here to braid each other hair.” Rey gives her a little shrug.

“Too bad,” Rose teases. “The guy could use it.”

She can’t help but laugh at that comment.

“What’s your name again ?”

“Oh yeah, sorry! I’m Rey,” she introduces herself with an open hand. Rose gives her back the gesture and sinks back into her own bed.

“Well, Rey, hope you’ll have a somewhat decent time in this hellhole. I’ll show you around if you want.”

“That would be nice, thanks! I kind of ran into some guys of my unit already and well… I have the impression they’re not gonna make this easy for me.”

“Betcha, those guys are pricks. Crazy dogs indeed.” Rey nods silently at her newly made friend. She has stripped out of her armored vest and heavy gear, leaving her with a wrinkled brown shirt drenched in sweat. Damn, she stinks. But everyone does on the average around here, so she might not make a big deal out of it. At least, she’s glad she met Rose. Having a friendly conversation with someone helps to ease the stress and the anxiety lingering on her mind. Until this very next moment.

Suddenly, a short paced alarm is filling the air around their half-empty tent. At the unsettling sound, a few heads pop up from their pillows. On the opposite side of the room, a woman jumps out of her bed and grabs a radio while she’s trying to let a t-shirt falls back into her toned frame. Rey can hear some notes of her secure voice, before it’s engulfed by the heavy rumble of a dual-rotor helicopter passing right on top of their position.

“What’s going on, Connix ?” Rose asks rapidly.

The Connix in question shots a glance back at the two women, her radio in hand. Her dark blond hair is secured in buns at the sides of her head, leaving her face free of distraction and any doubts.

“Seven injured. Ugly blast.”

That’s all the information she spares them before making her way out of the tent in a quick run.

“You might want to follow her to the hospital,” Rose informs the motionless Rey with a small nod.

“Me ?”

“You’re a medic, aren’t you ?”

A rush of adrenaline fills her veins abruptly, leaving her with a terrified brain. And then, it begins.

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

 

✯

 

The hospital of Niima Outpost is a war-zone field hospital, blessed with real concrete walls and long-term installations. They have three operating rooms and a large stock of supplies, everything needed to process the injured soldiers and stabilize them long enough to send them home to better odds. The people around here are sharp, reactive and using few words to carry the motion. No one asks her any question, there is no time for such a trivial thing in the middle of the chaos hitting the fort.

Rey realizes soon enough the woman – Connix – is a trauma surgeon. She’s leading the triage of the victims, as they are flooding the gates from the medevac chopper. Everyone is listening carefully to her instructions, and it seems they’re all numb to the horrible cries of agony filling the room. But Rey is not. This is her first real posting. She has completed her training and gained some experience with real patients, but none of them were half-pulverized people bleeding out more rapidly than they could transfuse them.

The ground beneath her feet is suddenly blood-red and slippery. Time doesn’t stop for her, time doesn’t give her the chance to think properly. She’s holding onto a pack of hemostatic gauzes, as the man in front of her is helplessly shaking in his state of shock. His left leg is almost completely sectioned off, leaving him with a gaping wound bleeding out by the second. Rey feels her mind unresponsive, paralyzed by the sound of suffering and fear clouding the room. She doesn’t know how to help, as it seems to her there is nothing they can do fast enough. The soldier is going to die, despite his mercy pleas and it’s the most terrifying feeling she has ever experienced in her life. Nothing could’ve prepared her for _this_. The raw, cold, horrifying face of the war.

“You! New girl!” shoots an angry voice. “Move your doshin' ass!”

She probably doesn’t react fast enough, because someone shoves her out of the way with two strong hands. Rey takes a step backward, and then another, her back hitting the wall. Everyone keeps working around her, the stretchers are moving as the patients are accessed by the team despite the slight delay slowly gaining terrain over them. There are only so many hands that can help all at once. And Rey is not one of them.

The young woman is frozen solid on her feet, watching the scene like it's a training documentary. But the metallic taste of blood travels down her throat, upsetting her stomach to the point she fears she might be sick.

“This one goes in trauma-1! Quick, move people! Move !”

Connix suddenly disappears with the most critical patient. One by one, the medical team tries to mend the damages and to defy the natural order of the Force. The fury of the rescue arrival is dissipated within half an hour. To Rey, it seems to have lasted a lifetime. One man died on the table, another one didn’t make it that far. The five others are still alive by the time someone starts to clean up the bloody mess left behind.

Rey has found herself sitting on the ground, at the near end of an empty corridor, hiding from the rest of the world in shame. She has her arms crossed over her knees, eyes open to nothing she can see. Inside of her, the remembrance of what she has just witnessed is toying painfully with her mind. Her ears are buzzing with echo of screams and a cold sweat drips to her lower back. The young woman closes her hands a few times, just to stop them from shaking. She made a fool of herself tonight. Is this how it’s going to be?

She always thought her training would kick in. She thought she would know how to react when the time comes. But what if she can’t react at all? What if she can’t do her job? What will happen when she’s the only one out there and someone needs her? What if there is no Connix and no hospital and she’s the only rescue these men will have? What if it was her captain lying there, leg half amputated, and she’d just kept staring at him without moving?

The thought sends a shivering feeling down her chest and Rey closes her eyes to fight back tears of humiliation. She leans on her arms, pressing her forehead to her hands. She’s such a fucking useless moron, but she is _not_ going to cry over herself. She hasn't done that in a long, long time, and tonight's not the night to break her resolve.

A hot, wet pressure to her bare skin makes her jump a little with surprise. Rey quickly shots her head up, only to find herself looking straight into the eyes of a very unexpected recruit. The fur coat of the animal is a macchiato sand color, with patches of dark brown on its head and paws. The tips of its ears are leaning more towards a dark wood, almost black color. She's not sure about the race, most likely a mixed breed, but a big one.

The dog is scanning her with its intelligent gaze, humming faintly her own scent in interest. She wonders if it's a service dog working on the field, or just someone's pet wandering alone. Seems unlikely it would be admitted on hospital ground though, so it must be a service dog. A pretty friendly one she must say. Usually, those guys are quite lethal and nervous, only bonding with their owner through training. Some are taught to kill as a specialty after all. Rey knows better than to try to pet one, as she likes to have two functioning hands attached to her arms on a daily basis. But this guy is somehow petting _her_.

After some hesitation, Rey presents the dog with an open hand, moving very slowly, careful not to make any gesture it could register as a threat. The animal hums some more, the floppy brown ears brushing over the hot skin of her palm. She lightly presses her fingers on top of its skull, and offers a little friendly caress. She's rewarded with a wagging tail and scans the collar of the big specimen for a name tag. The round silver-plated medal hanging on the heavy-duty strap is only engraved with a series of numbers, probably an identification code. But Rey hasn't been here long enough for the unit registration code to ring a bell in her mind.

“His name's Flip.”

The proximity of that heavy voice dives right through her chest, causing her to skip a heartbeat. From all the people on that doshing base, it has to be him, of course. As if her night couldn't get more mortifying after the galling display of her inabilities, Rey has to face her CO again in this state. The sound of his leather boots is echoing on the concrete slabs as he walks towards her, to her own displeasure. Trying to pull herself out of her raging feelings before it's too late, Rey gives another friendly pat to the dog.

“Hi Flip,” she murmurs under her breath. As she does, she manages to finally pick herself off the ground and stands still. She may have been hiding away for quite some time, because all of her sweat has run cold, leaving her with a slight shiver. It takes a hard toll on her to be able to look at the man, not sure how to react to this embarrassing encounter.

When she does, she notices Solo is scanning her features with a silent intensity she can't even begin to fathom. The urge to back down brushes her limbs, but she's too struck by his gaze to be able to move more than a finger. Swallowing the dry saliva in her throat, Rey awaits nervously for a blow. The captain has stripped down to a brown plain shirt matching her own, and his plate carrier is hanging on top of his shoulder, unbothered. The contours of the familiar dog tag suspended around his neck are picking under the fabric of his apparel. For a brief moment, Rey wonders why he's here, as he doesn't seem to require any medical attention.

“Weren't you supposed to sleep ?”

The question stops her mind to wandering around furthermore. He hadn't intended to be harsh though, his voice carrying a simple matter-of-fact effect. She tries to relax as much as she can, hoping for her voice to not give away any of her internal tremor.

“Yeah… I was going to but then-” She can't quite finish her sentence and presses her lips together. Her eyes fall to the ground and she pretends to give attention to the dog again, buying her some time to react. The sand fur is soft under the tips of her fingers, Flip tilts his head calmly, sited on his hind legs.

“Were you in there ?”

Damn you, Solo.

“Yes, I… Yes.”

Fighting for the last bit of her courage, Rey lifts her head once more to meet the dark brown eyes tearing her apart under a thorough review. Something in her is shattered by the pressure of this connection, as if she's lying her soul cracked open down to his feet. The man is not a nerve burner. She can't quite frankly imagine anything making him bulged in his resolve. In a sense, she should be grateful for that, as she's supposed to serve under his command. Having someone like that watching your six is probably a good thing. Captain Solo seems to be the type of soldier you want on your side, and she finds herself relaxing a bit in his assertive strength.

But the flip side is dark and overwhelming, for Rey to realize she cannot let such a man down. She catches a sob in the back of her throat quickly enough to stop her for making any nose. She's a mess, and she deserves any scoff he will chose to throw at her.

“I heard it was a nasty one.”

Rey is rendered speechless. There is no warm smile or gentle hug, but the weight of his words – from all the things he could’ve said to her – is nothing but comfort. A deep and strong one. The young woman knows how to read between the lines better than anyone. And despite the fact Solo could’ve choose to roast her on her toes for a lot of reasons, he did not.

A short silence fills the corridor between them, but he doesn’t seem to mind. She can tell he’s a man of few words, shy of praise, letting his actions speak for him most of the time. She doesn’t mind either. Eventually, his deep voice cuts the void again, status-quo of tone and attitude.

“You're still up by 5.30, Rigel.”

“I know, Sir. I will,” she says with as much certainty as she can. More than anything, she’s now grateful for that encounter. She has to do better next time, because that’s why she came here in the first place. She wants to be worthy of her mission.

Solo folds his strong arms on his chest, bulging muscles like a mountain of a man. His face is stern and pale under the light of the glowing white neon, with a tentative expression suggesting she’s in trouble, but for some reason she thinks she’s not. Not really.

“Stop petting my goddam dog then, and rack out,” he commands at once.

“Yes, Sir!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, his name's Flip because Flip Zimmerman obviously deserved better this awards season and that's it lol.


	3. Run, Rigel, Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are you doing guys? (Yes I know, I said once a week but I have zero self control.)  
> This chapter is big in lenght and with informations. More characters introduction and more fun. Hope you'll like it! Come and say hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/codeblackspace), I'm friendly I swear! ;) xxx

**CHAPTER THREE**

 

The next morning is here way too quickly. By the time Rey has to wake up, her jet-lag is hitting her full force. She struggles to keep her eyes open, while she tries to pull herself out of her bed before she can drift back into sleep. Everything around her is still quiet – as quiet as it can be on a military base. The constant, low rumbling of patrols and basic FOB maintenance is pulsing somewhere into the far-back of her brain. She did find some comfort in it during the night, while she was trying to soothe her thoughts and stop her mind from wandering in all directions.

As a child, she used to sleep above a service station and her nights were always filled with motor sounds and customers walking in and out of the 24/7 little shop. It was probably the most constant thing in her disorganized life at the time and she cherished it greatly, as it was a sign she had a roof over her head. Other nights ensued, some way more silent, and way less fortunate.

But now, Rey is back under a roof – a tent one, but it's still as good as any. At least, she’s never going to suffer from the cold again while she’s here – a true understatement. She doesn’t need much of anything else besides that, maybe some food would be welcome to start the day. It’s probably too early for that though, there is no point in searching for the mess just now. And she has more urgent matters to tend to anyways.

As she finishes to lace up her rangers, Rey reaches up for her brown hair and braids it carefully as she always does, to secure everything in place. She’d very much like to stay in t-shirt all day long to keep her from overheating, but she’s not sure what’s expected from her this morning. In doubt, she prefers to put on her full uniform and grabs her backpack before heading out, her rifle hanging over the shoulder with a heavy, familiar weight. She tries to be as silent as possible, not wanting to wake anyone else in the process. Rose hasn’t move a centimeter and Rey quickly reaches the outside, following the shy awakening of daylight in Jakku.

The sandstorm from the previous day is just a faded memory on the air. The sky is clear, rays of sun still too low over the horizon to reach over the imposing walls of the outpost. A glistening red aurora attempts to make up for it, bright enough for them to move around without trouble despite the early hour of the day. The sunrise outside of Niima Outpost must be beautiful, but that’s not a sight Rey will enjoy today. She’s busy thinking about her next rendez-vous, rubbing a hand onto her face in hope of erasing any fatigue left. The young woman can almost hear Captain Solo’s voice, unapologetic. _Don’t be late with me._ She doesn’t intend to, and she makes her way towards the quarters Merle had pointed out to her attention the day before.

She maybe should’ve asked for more precision. But as she turns the corner of a storage facility pilled up with wooden boxes, it doesn’t prove necessary. After their previous encounter, she wouldn’t confuse Fox and his copper hair with anyone else. Not even in the group of strangers standing in the middle of the field. Quickly enough, Rey also spots his blond friend, as the two known faces are chatting casually among the others. They’re all wearing long sleeves and tactical gear, and Rey is glad for her initial decision.

“Would you look at _that_  !”

One of the men just reacted to her presence as she approaches at a steady pace, causing his fellow soldiers to turn their attention towards her. Not wanting to give anything away, Rey keeps a straight face, bracing for impact. She _knows_ she’s up for a round of hazing comments. The sooner, the better, so they can all move on from that stage of man-child ritual.

“Isn’t that my favorite cunt,” taunts Fox with an empty smile.

“Well, right back at you,” Rey teases as she comes to a halt next to him and his friends. A few whistles break the air, echoing her words with a lot of audacity. The man snorts, his hands crossed over the handle of the long rifle dangling in front of him.

“This is going to be so much fun,” he says coldly.

“You got some sleep ?” asks Merle a few steps behind him. The soldier is perched on top of a big rusted metal container, his legs hanging free in front of him. Rey shots a glance in his direction and nods silently. “Captain’s going to ruin you today, hope you’re ready, kid.”

“Twenty she doesn’t make it to the finish line,” Fox smiles without mercy.

“On me !” another soldier follows immediately. Rey rolls her eyes in annoyance, but doesn’t interject. She’s going to make it to the finish line, and prove them wrong. At least she hopes. She has no idea what sort of tests awaits her, but she did complete her physical training like everyone else at the recruiting center, so what could possibly go wrong? Maybe Solo wants to assess her stamina, make her climb some ropes or hug some walls. She surely could’ve used a few more hours of sleep, but Rey is positive she’s not going to fail.

“Guys, guys !” interrupts a tanned muscular man, waving his hands between them. “Who _is_ that ?”

Right. Maybe she could’ve started with a round of introduction for the form. But they could also stop calling her _that_ , as she’s a _she_ , so Rey doesn’t feel too bad for her lousy manners.

“ _That_ is our new tiny little nurse,” laughs Fox before she can respond. “She can kiss you goodnight, Palla.”

“I’m your _medic_ ,” she corrects with a scoff. “And you can be sure I won’t kiss _you_ goodnight.”

“Breaking my heart, sunshine.”

“Call me sunshine one more time, and I’m breaking you something else.”

Everyone laughs amused at that comment, even Fox – which is quite surprising considering he’s the main focus of her threat. Rey is still taking the temperature among the horde, trying to adopt the best course of action. She doesn’t want to pass for a complete bitch, but this guy is not making it easy for her. Besides, she kind of means it. She _hates_ being called all sorts of endearing names just because she’s a woman. She doesn’t go around calling them _sunshine_ or other absurdities.

“So, what we call you ?” continues the Palla guy with a curious nod of the chin.

“I’m Rey-”

“Actually,” recalls Merle from the top of his container. “Kylo said she’s a Rigel.”

“Yeah, right.” The young woman shrugs. “So, Rigel or Rey, either is-”

“Rey ?” someone cuts her again. “No fucking way! Rey Adhara? Bloody Force !”

Washing away her annoyance, Rey turns her head to locate the owner of this particular voice. A tall and dark figure emerges between two of his comrades, and the young woman is taken aback by full surprise, as she recoils the identity of the soldier without hesitation. He’s the last person she had intended to see here – in Jakku, as he was supposed to be deployed somewhere over the other hemisphere from what she remembers.

“Finn ?” Rey asks with an incredulous stare. And very surely, Finn Namtar it is, standing right in front of her in the crimson morning. He looks exactly as she’s last seen him, the sand on his rangers as a bonus feature. Suddenly, this is way more personal than she would like it to be. She can’t believe Finn is in _her_ unit – or the other way around, whatever.

“Can’t believe they sent you here !” exclaims the man with a warm expression.

“Yeah? Well, aren’t you supposed to be stationed somewhere in D’Qar ?” she says in disbelief.

“I was. But you know… change of orders. Got a new posting a few weeks back.”

“Right to Sandbox !” cuts Fox, as he slaps a friendly hand on Finn’s shoulder. “How the hell do you guys know each other? Fuck buddies, ugh ?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know that,” Rey snarls.

“Indeed, I’d like to! If there gonna be some fucking happening around…”

“C’mon, cut her some slack,” interrupts Merle with a dry laugh. “You’re such an ass, Serg.”

Rey registers with a plain surprise the fact this man is actually her Sergeant. Well, too bad. It’s probably too late to revise her attitude now. Besides, they all seem pretty relaxed about the chain of command and Fox hasn’t pulled that card on her once – which again, is a surprising fact.

Rey’s taking good measure of the dozen of men around her, attentive to their reactions. They all seem to hide a personal story right in the way they carry themselves. And for one of them, that story has been crossing her own narrative, back when she was still a military trainee in Corellia. It doesn’t make much difference now, but the young woman can already feel hazardous questions weighing on her. If she doesn’t act on it now to close that door forever, she might as well shot herself in the foot, for what it’d probably be less painful.

As the sun peaks higher and higher in the scarlet sky, the deem light falls into the orange spectrum and starts to rise above the outpost’s wall, already heating the dry atmosphere. Rey considers it for a moment, but there is no diplomatic way to say it, so she decides to just bite into it, arms crossed.

“Look, I’m going to say it just once so you better register,” she states with a firm tone. “We are _not_ going there. There is absolutely no doshing way I fuck any of you. Roger that ?”

“Glad we cleared that up,” suddenly answers the distant voice of Captain fucking Solo.

Rey jumps in surprise – and frankly, in horror. How is this happening again? How does that man manage to creep on her like that? Damn, you’d think she’d hear him approaching considering how _massif_ he is. But apparently, she’d make a terrible scout, and she’s not happy about it. She’s mortified by that disastrous timing, this is _not_ the way she wants to present herself in front of her superior officer. But the others are seemingly having a good time, as the entire squad is now laughing at her expanse – even traitor Finn. She’d gladly shot them dead. Especially Gingerfox.

A few seconds later, Solo finally comes to a halt in front of the unit and Rey forces herself to stand her ground in a military fashion. Blast, this is humiliating! At least, her CO doesn’t seem particularly keen to laugh about it. Maybe it’s just his face. No way she could tell what he’s thinking under the unimpressed mask. A short, overbearing whistle cuts blank into the general euphoria. In a blink of an eye, everyone falls back into line and reports to the Captain, waiting.

“Are we having fun this morning, ladies ?” Solo asks in a derogatory way. “Time to un-ass, we have some work to do if you’re not too busy planning your next fuck schedule.”

Rey takes a shallow breath, trying to calm down her nerves. Captain Solo is now frowning severely as the day slowly rises over the settlement. With his full tactical gear on, the man looks even more imposing than she remembers, towering everyone else from a good head. These soldiers aren’t small guys to begin with, but Solo yet manages to beat them dry and short. His black, damp hair is half tied back behind his head and he carries his full weapon set, as well as his supplies backpack. Rey registers with attention the way he moves, while he paces the ground in front of them, tension directed to his arms.

“Sergeant, take the lead.” he barks. “Nothing’s like a good run to break the dawn, fellas. On my command, go !”

And just like that, Rey knows she’s going to sweat to her bones this morning.

 

**

 

She’s _miserable_. This is a horrible, horrible day. The air traveling down her irritated throat is burning hot, barely filling her lungs as she tries to keep the urgent cadence. Rey has always been a good runner, but _this_ , this is something else. She can’t remember how many tours they’ve already done around the base. Mind you, the FOB is a decent sized encampment and it must’ve been over an hour by now. Her resolve is running short by the minute, dangerously leaving her body despite all of her efforts to not give in. She’s drenched in sweat under the merciless jakkuvian sun, and she might collapse head first if she doesn’t stop very soon to drink some water.

She knew it would be hard, but nothing has prepared her for that methodical takedown. There is no rope, no wall, just a dreadful, excruciating forced run and no one is batting an eye. Although she’s not the only one to suffer, as she can hear the others panting heavily in front of her, no complain fills the air. They probably know better, and so does she. Solo intends for the point to get across perfectly clear; she’s in no position to feel entitled to anything. She’s in a very hostile territory, in a very hostile job, and she’s a failure. But she had already managed to grasp that concept after the first four rounds. Now Rey’s just barely surviving the treatment, emergency services only. How long will they keep going like that? How long can _he_ keep going?

The young woman has fallen way behind everyone else. The weight of her equipment is a dead body over her. Her legs couldn’t move any faster even if she was under enemy fire. She’d probably be dead by now, and she painfully realizes this is the exact idea Solo wants to plant in her mind. She’d be _dead_ if this wasn’t an exercise. A faint grunt escapes her cracked lips in response to her distress. A few meters ahead of her, Finn shots a glance over his right shoulder to check on her. Despite his own state of decay, he truly looks sorry for her and Rey grunts some more – this time in frustration. She does not need pity looks. She just wants to stop, and breath, and drink, and smash the captain’s head with a brick to finally make him stop. fucking. running.

She almost chokes on the thought, running out of saliva. As she figures she might actually pass out from exhaustion in a dangerously close moment, Rey needs some time to realize the brown uniforms in front of her have stopped moving. Her chest is on fire, and she engulfs the last few meters on trembling legs, praying to the Force it’s the end of the PT session.

“Flash, on the ground !”

It takes a few seconds for Rey to register this might be Finn’s nickname, as she sees her friend dropping to the ground without question. He’s laying on his side, face covered in sweat, and some relief floods through him at last. The young woman is not so lucky. Rey finally comes to a full stop and barely fights back the urge to throw up from the physical effort. She’s not given much of an opportunity to recover though.

“Man down !” Solo shoots. “Medic !”

The captain is catching his breath as hard as the rest of them. His face is stained with red patches of skin and sweat, yet somehow, he remains unbothered to everything and keeps yelling orders at her.

“IED. He’s bleeding out from both legs. What are you gonna do ?”

Rey drops to her knees next to pretending-Finn and tries to reach for her backpack. She barely has anything left in her after all this. Her vision is blurred by white adrenaline and she struggles to make her hands to cooperate with her. Everything is excruciating difficult in that state of weariness. She can’t be sure anymore if she’s shaking under the fatigue or the stress. The rest of them have gathered silently around the scene while Rey is trying to perform basic emergency protocol. Above all, the pressure emanating from Captain Solo is causing her more hassles. And he’s not done with it.

“C’mon! He needs a tourniquet now! Not tomorrow, Rigel. Now !”

She _knows_ that. She’s doing exactly that, but not fast enough to the man’s liking. While she pulls the black strap out of her medical supplies, Solo is working her hard. Somehow, the coldness in his voice starts to infiltrate her thoughts, leaving her in front of a wall of fears. Everything that has happened the previous day is still too fresh in her mind, pushing her insecurities and her doubts to the surface. There is a reason he’s doing what he’s doing, and Rey feels herself crumbling down under his attacks, despite knowing it.

The loud, harsh tone of her CO is yelling at her without mercy. She can’t even register what he’s saying anymore. The only thing crossing her mind while she tries to work on Finn is the memories of what she witnessed at the hospital, the day before. Raw and crude images flash before her eyes, the yelling, the agony. She can practically taste the blood on her tongue. Rey quickly finds herself on the verge of crying, cornering the limits of her exhausted body. But she can _not_.

If she breaks now, in front of him – in front of everyone, she’s finished. This is the real test and Solo is watching her every move. By the time she finally manages to reach for a second tourniquet, Rey’s gasping for air. Her debacle didn’t seem to last that long, but the lingering feeling of disappointment bursting in her chest is telling her otherwise. Abruptly, Solo brings her to full a stop.

“Congrats, he’s dead.”

The words cut deep and dark in her. Rey lets her hands fall back in front of her, empty of resilience. Unable to move, the young woman keeps her eyes to the ground to avoid any judgment. She can’t bear to look at him right now, afraid of what she might see. An uneasy silence lays rampant among the men, as if they too are shocked by the heavy tension that has just struck the training session.

“We’re done for today,” trails off Captain Solo. “Palla, Snap, you’re up for the armory. The rest of you can wander off until further notice.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“And get her off the ground,” he adds before heading off with rapid footsteps. Rey clenches her teeth, flooded by resentment – mostly to herself. When she dares to look up, she finds herself rewarded with a friendly, unexpected hand. It takes her a few heartbeats before she can react, unsure of the dynamics, but she finally grabs it. Fox helps her onto her feet without much effort, and hold her forearm long enough for her to recover.

“He was kind of a dick, yeah ?” Merle eventually breathes out, only half-joking.

Still sat on the ground, Finn crosses his hands over his knees, as he doesn’t seem too eager to move just yet. “ _Kind of_ ,” her friend mocks with a little sigh.

“Don’t take it personally,” argues Fox next to her. The man is eyeing her carefully, as if he’s trying to decide how to act with her. Rey breaks free from his care with a gentle tug and presses a hand to her forehead, closing her eyes just a second.

“I’m not.”

“Good.” The pair of them is still weirdly fixing each other. An odd smile is now peaking under his copper beard. “Looks like you _did_ make it to the finish line. Now, you’re costing me money. You’re really a pain in the ass, Rigel.”

The young woman finds herself laughing nervously, a little eased by his words. He might not be so horrendous after all.

“Bet you like it.”

“Suck it, Merle.”

Rey laughs some more, as the rest of them begins to retreat towards the housing quarters. There is nothing she dreads more than a cold shower right now. Well, that and maybe an insight of how much she has fucked up with Solo. She can’t get off her mind the fact he wasn’t _kind of a dick_ at the hospital yesterday. He wanted something from her and she didn’t deliver. She failed him, and his test, and she’s hoping it’s not the last one, cause Rey is not the type to just quit like that. She still has a few days of effective training on the operating base to make it up. After that… Not sure what lays after that.

 

**

 

At lunchtime, Rey finally manages to grab some food. She’s starving and eagerly makes her way between the metallic tables, cramped under the huge canteen building. The air inside is oven-hot like everywhere else on Niima Outpost, but she starts to adjust to it. After this morning, the shade provided by the high ceiling is a whole new level of luxury. She’s scanning the crowd for a sign of Finn, as she’d like very much to talk to him some more. But it’s probably not the best place for that. Besides, someone else finds her first.

“Rey !”

Smiling to Rose, the young woman follows her invitation and pulls an empty chair next to her as she sits in front of some strangers with just an ounce of nervousness. Naturally, the others all turn their attention to her, in the hope of some introduction.

“So, this is Rey,” explains Rose while she’s waving a hand at her. “She’s Solo’s new medic.”

“Poor girl,” snorts a black-haired woman in an orange suit.

“Yeah, right ?” Rose laughs. “Anyways, this is Jessika…”

“Hi,” gestures orange-suit Jessika.

“Arana… and Poe.” The two men give her a small nod of acknowledgment, while they continue to eat their weird-looking smashed vegetables with a deep brown sauce.

“Nice to meet you, guys.” Rey puts some food in her mouth at last, her stomach cramping in pain. She quickly realizes the meal is not as bad as she thought it would be, despite its lack of visual interest. On top of that, she’s not picky. She’s quite content with any food, really. After some mouthfuls, Rey is already starting to feel a lot better. She keeps eating though, just because she can.

“Did they throw you under an armored vehicle yet ?”

It’s the man named Poe asking. His two-days scruff is as dark as his hair, and Rey registers the warmth of his solid eyes, despite the evident traces of fatigue running on his face. Overall, she deems him as a friendly type and relaxes under his gaze.

“I almost died during PT this morning, but you know… nothing too extreme,” she replies with a sneering smile.

“Man, I _hate_ PT,” the other man jumps in. “I’m so glad I don’t go around running on my feet all day long on this blasting heat.”

“What do you guys do ?” Rey asks curiously.

“Medevac,” explains Poe with a playful wink. “We might see each other a lot.”

“I mean, hopefully not but… At least, I like to know who’s flying me. All three of you ?”

Jessika leans in her chair and shots her hands upwards with a negative nod. “No, _those_ dudes are medevac pilots. I’m the real deal.”

Poe gives her a disapproving snort, clearly annoyed, but his smile doesn’t falter. Something’s telling Rey they might do this a lot.

“Oh yeah, what deal is that, Testor ?” he asks in a sarcastic tone.

Jessika turns to Rey for good measure, ignoring the rest of them on purpose. “I’m piloting an attack chopper, baby.” She tugs a little at the white collar of her suit, clearly playing along with the mood.

“You’re so fucking full of yourself,” laughs Poe. “Incredible.”

“Don’t be jealous, Black Leader. I’ve got a bigger one than yours.”

The man rolls his eyes dramatically, and returns to his meal just like that. The fork suspended in front of her, Rey gives him a little look of sympathy.

“Well, I kinda like medevac, you _know_ ,” she chuckles.

“Thank you, Rey !” smashes Poe with enthusiasm. “See, normal people like to be alive. You just like to shoot on targets.”

“To everyone their kink, buddy.”

“It’s First Lieutenant to you.”

“Since _when_  ?” Jessika doesn’t seem very impressed, but the conversation is barely a tease and the mood’s lighthearted.

“Since you won’t admit I’m a fine-ass pilot.”

“You’re a perfect flyboy, Black Leader. Happy ?”

Poe nods his head in approval while Rey’s trying to catch up on all of their nicknames. It’s still a bit confusing to her, but it’s clearly a rampant habit around here. Somehow, it conveys a sense of comradeship very specific to the army world. For someone like her, it might be the closest she’s ever been to a familial structure and she can’t help but feel a little envious at their bond. She wants something like that too. For all she can pretend she doesn’t need it, Rey’s been longing for someone to call her own kin for a very long time. That’s maybe one of the reasons she chose to enlist in the first place. A family of some sort, to replace the one she never had.

“Oh, here we go,” suddenly says Rose. “Dickheads on deck.”

Following her gaze, Rey quickly spots the dickheads in question. Not so surprised, she realizes Rose’s actually talking about _her_ dickheads. Five men from her unit are now walking towards them, chatting loudly among themselves like they own the whole damn place. Fox is leading front with Finn, as the Sergeant tries to snatch food from his friend’s tray. When they pass Rey’s table, Finn notices her presence and slows down with a smile.

“Hey, Rey !”

“Hi,” she waves back with the tip of her fork, mouth busy.

“You come sit with us ?”

She trails off a low sound of hesitation, eyebrows frowning under her thoughts. It’s not like she doesn’t want to eat with them, but she’s already with a group and it would be so very rude to just leave them. Plus, she kind of likes them and Rose has been nothing but nice to her since they met. Finn seems to finally register the awkward situation while he’s standing there, cause he backs off with an embarrassed smile.

“I mean… Not like I wanna steal her from you, guys.”

“Yeah, not at _all_ ,” Rose points out with sarcasm, arms crossed over her chest. She shots an angry look at him, and the poor guy tries to explain himself some more.

“No, really. It’s cool. I was just-”

“What’s going on ?” cuts out a weary Fox. The tall soldier has turned around to join them, and he’s now standing next to his comrade with an assertive position. His input didn’t help the mood. Rey slowly notices the building tension creeping in the air, as they become the main focal point of attention. She finds herself feeling very uncomfortable about all of this.

“We’re not talking to you, are we,” Jessika smiles dryly. “You need to babysit ?”

“I don’t want my boys hanging around the wrong people.”

“The _wrong_ -” the woman snarls back as she pushes her chair backward to stands up in a speed motion. “I’m gonna show you what’s wrong, Foxy.”

“Jess !” quickly erupts Poe. “Don’t.”

The pilot’s voice is deadly serious, an impressive contrast with his previous performance. Facing Jessika, Fox rests a hand to the side of his belt and raises his chin with a smirk of satisfaction.

“That’s right,” he says. “ _Don’t_ , Pava.”

“One day, I’m gonna beat the shit out of you and I can’t fucking wait for it.”

He rewards her with a small laugh of disdain.

“Keep dreaming, baby. Like one of you bird-ass could even throw a good punch. Go back to your cockpit and let us do the real job down here.”

Rey can tell the woman is practically boiling, as she greatly tries to restrain herself. A fight between the two of them would’ve severe consequences. The Alliance has strict rules of conduct when it comes to such things. Besides, they’re supposed to be on the same side. Isn’t that enough? Apparently not. Maybe the Jaks aren't the only problem to navigate on the base. Until now, Rey had never even considered it. Probably because she was never close enough to anyone to care about relationships mayhem. She had some friends eventually, even a few flirts, but she always remained a loner at heart, far from reach. Hence, she has never found herself in the middle of such situations. And she decides she doesn’t like it a bit.

“It’s all good, Serg,” Finn breathes out. “Let’s just eat.”

After a few more seconds of indecision, Fox decides to step down. He slaps a hand on Finn’s neck and turn his back to the table, as the two men walk away like nothing happened. Jessika sinks back onto her chair, her lips pressed into a fine line of frustration. It takes her a moment to be able to divert her eyes from the main object of her furry. Next to her, Poe scowls her with a stark, severe face.

“He’s not worth a strike, Testor.”

“Not so sure,” she objects. “I’d like to beat his fucking face to the ground just once, and step on his balls.”

“Is this some other weird kink you have ?” Arana asks with less gravity.

“Careful, he might even like it.” Rose chooses to point out, letting everyone relax around the table.

As she’s finishing her meal, Rey is however still puzzled by the whole altercation. She shots a glance over her shoulder before returning to them and clears her throat expectantly.

“You guys really don’t get along, do you ?”

Rose gives her a small look of disapproval.

“You’re friend with _that_ guy ?”

“I mean…,” she tries to explain with a low voice. “I know Finn from before, he’s a good lad. We met on training at Coronet Camp, we were friends.”

“Well, now they’re turning him into one of their dogs so don’t fall for it,” Jessika adds with a tongue click. “Look… you seem like a nice girl, Rey. But not everyone is, OK ?”

“What do you mean? I work with them, I’m supposed to _trust_ them.”

“All I say is that the apple doesn’t fall far from the fucking tree. You’ve met Solo, right ?”

“Yeah, but-”

“Then you’ve probably noticed he’s an asshole. Don’t turn into one of them, that’s all.”

 

\---

 

NOTES:

IED: Improvised Explosive Device

 


	4. Out in the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! Hope you're doing great. :)  
> Here's another chapter, I may or may not be adding way too much backstory and plot for what I intended to be a "short" fic. But well, enjoy I guess! This is gonna be a slow build-up over Rey and Ben relation, as you probably already figured out. I'm having *way* too much fun with the cast, haha.  
> Also, many thanks to [Stiletto Ren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stiletto929/pseuds/Stiletto%20Ren) for the revisions! Happy reading! xxx

**CHAPTER FOUR**

 

“Rey… Rey… _REY_  !”

The young woman wakes up abruptly, heart pounding in her chest as her body tries to sit up in alarm. She almost hits the person standing right above her, but manages to recall her surroundings while her eyes focus in the shadows of the early dawn.

“What the – What’s going on ?”

“Sorry,” articulates Finn with a whisper. “We have to go.”

“What ?”

“Pack your bags, we have to go,” he repeats firmly. “We’re leaving camp, something came up.”

“ _Shit_. Yeah, give me ten.”

He nods in silence and retreats to the outside, leaving Rey to quickly reach for her cargo pants. After she’s finished dressing, she sets her bags on the empty bed and grabs a flashlight to conduct a rapid inventory. Thankfully, she’s a very organized person. She always makes sure her medic bag is packed and ready-to-go, as she can never know when she’s going to need it. With a quick assessment, Rey fills in her mental checklist. If they’re going out, she needs to be ready for _anything_. That also includes possible combat situations. At that thought, a slight rush of anxiety travels down to her chest. She pushes it back as fast as she can, while she’s counting the rest of her equipment.

Aside from her rifle, she carries a handgun and ammo, a few smoke grenades for medevac, a hand flare, some pen flares, a bayonet, and a multi-tool blade. That’s it. She deems herself ready and makes a move to leave. All the commotion had caused Rose to turn on her bed with a sleepy grunt.

“You’re going out ?”

“Yeah,” Rey whispers. “Sorry to wake you up.”

“Take care out there.” Rose raises a fist to her and the young woman gives her a small bump in place of a goodbye.

“I will, thanks.”

“I’ll hold your bed for you until you come back.”

With that, the woman rolls back into sleep and Rey makes her way outside of her tent. She finds Finn still waiting for her, a little more tense than usual. The two of them make their way towards the entrance of the FOB, only sparing a few words in the process. For some reason, Rey is way more calm than she should be given the current situation. Maybe her brain hasn’t fully registered what’s going on just yet. Or maybe she’s too stupid to be afraid.

A few minutes later, the pair joins the rest of their unit under menacing skies. They’re all gathered next to reinforced sand-color vehicles, checking on their gear or chatting in a low, reflective tone. Rey spots the pile of bags waiting on the dusty ground and discards hers with the rest of it. While she’s waiting in the open, she uses that precious time to tend to her hair, still tangled from her short night. Rey’s busy braiding it, looking around expectantly and she takes a few steps towards the other men.

“Morning, sunshine.” Fox is not in a mood for pleasantry this morning, his voice flat of any wild bantha chase. The young woman doesn’t even care to react to the designation, and simply nods her head as she secures her hair with a black elastic. Before she can take the opportunity to ask any question, she spots the arrival of Captain Solo.

The man looks _pissed –_ as in don’t-fuck-with-me-if-you-want-to-live pissed. She doesn’t recall seeing him this aggravated before. Something’s definitely up. He throws his bag in front of him and tucks his hands to the collar of his plate carrier, back straight. Rey can tell the front pockets of his tactical vest are packed with additional magazines, and two holsters firmly hug the pants around his muscular thighs.

“Alright, listen up,” he growls in his unique, low-end voice of him. “We’ve got ourselves a new mission, so no more beauty sleep.”

The dozen men assembled in the feverish morning doesn’t make a sound, waiting for the captain to continue.

“As you know, we were supposed to be off-sand a couple more days to integrate our new team member.” At the mention, Rey tries not to react. If Solo has an opinion on the subject, his tone isn’t giving anything away. “But the IAF didn’t get the memo and shit happens, so we’re going out. Cratertown, to be specific. We already have a unit down there, and we’re meant to join and back them up. Intel speculates on high risks of an attack, this is not going to be some tourist raid shit. I want every one of you with their head in the game, finger on the trigger. Roger that ?”

“Sir. Yes, Sir !”

“Good. Merle, you ride front. Rigel and Snap, you’re with us. The rest of you on the truck. Let’s move, load up !”

Following the order, the men step into action. While she tries to follow the movement, Rey feels herself plagued with a restless feeling once again. Her face must give it away, cause she can feel the hot burning down her neck; but the time for backing up is long gone. This is her life now, this is her choice. She has a mission, and she cannot fuck it up this time. There is no one else. Just her.

Rey packs her stuff on the military Humvee, right behind the driver seat. Snap is apparently up for driving, and his massive frame sinks into position while the others are joining. Now that she’s thinking about it, he might be the only one as tall as the captain. Not that it proves to be any valuable information of some sort, but her mind seems desperate to find something else to latch on other than her inner fears, as she realizes. The rest of the unit is boarding an heavy-road truck, not lucky enough to claim the same reinforced armoring displayed on their vehicle. Are they at risk of an ambush? Rey puts down her rifle into a strategic position, in case she needs an emergency access. A short whistle then catches her off guard.

She wasn’t paying much attention, because if she did, she would’ve noticed the big furry recruit jumping into the back seat of the Humvee. Flip’s wearing a brown harness with multiple pouches over his sand coat, but he seems perfectly content about it. He shots her a neutral look and she can tell he’s not in the mood for any petting today. This is a workday, for both of them. The young woman still finds the idea of a two-hour ride in the company of a dog quite appealing, just as she realizes Flip isn’t going anywhere without his master.

“Rigel,” calls a voice behind her. She turns around and lifts her chin to stand under a heavy gaze. Solo is reflecting on her with an expression as cold as a dead star. She can’t help but notice the way his jaw is clenched, causing a harsh line on the structure of his face. She could stare at him for a long moment and try to pierce the enigma, but she hasn’t time for such trivia. Nor he would let her. All in all, she still wishes she had performed better yesterday, so she wouldn’t find herself in that position.

But this is it, and this is now. Rey swallows reluctantly, focusing on the dark brown eyes leading her along the lines.

“Listen up,” Solo grunts with a frown. “When we’re out there, I need to know I can count on you.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“You need to get your shit together, keep your head cool when everything’s gonna go sidefuck. This is no training, you don’t get a second chance, understood ?”

“Y-Yes.” Rey barely breathes out.

“And no matter _what_ , you do as I say. This is not a democracy. I say we move, we move. I say you go down, you go down. I don’t give two shits if you disagree or if you think you know better. Out there, I command, you obey.”

“Yes, Sir.”

She can’t help but stare at him like an impressionable little girl. His face seems to relax a bit for a few seconds, or maybe she’s just delusional. One thing she knows though, is that Solo is not a man you want to disagree with. Moreover, Rey trusts him to make the best decision on the job. He roughly has ten more years worth of experience next to her, and she’s not going to play headshot on that.

“If things get ugly, I will have your back. But you need to be ready. You’re a soldier, so remember that.”

Rey should feel grateful he chose to use _if_ instead of _when_ , but somehow, she’s not that naive. To her surprise, she manages to show off a confident persona to the world.

“I’m a good shooter, Sir.”

It’s true, she is. But she never had to open fire on real people up until now. Deep down, Rey already knows this will change everything, but she can’t let herself speaking it out loud in the universe. Maybe Solo is reading her mind like an open book, or maybe he’s thinking about the mission already – but as a result, the man tilts his head and gives her a firm input with a resigned smirk.

“Get in there. Hopefully we won’t have to find out just _how_ _good_.”

 

**

 

The roads access to Cratertown aren’t the prime engineering of the country. Mostly dust trails and shepherds routes, causing the ride to get bumpy. As for now, they have a way more inconvenient problem than their discomfort. The weather is terrible. Sand-storm terrible. Since they departed Niima Outpost, the visibility has dropped incredibly fast, the air filled with an opaque terracotta flying dust. The sun barely penetrates the turmoil anymore, shining some whimsical glimpses of light every so often. It’s not long before Rey has lost every sense of direction, confined inside the armored Humvee with the three other men.

“You’re getting us that signal before tomorrow or what, Merle ?”

Solo sounds a lot more lay-back than his facial expression suggests him to be. Behind the impressive dashboard full of logistics, Merle is still working on the radio equipment, relentless, his side profile rimmed in concentration.

“I’m on it, Cap.”

They lost all transmissions with the FOB due to the extremely poor weather conditions, and the soldier has been trying to get them back on the loop for the past hour or so. But the odds seem unchanged, they can’t get hold of a single channel. It’s a very lonely feeling out there, being lost in the black. And it’s not their only concern.

“We’re blind in this storm,” Solo says with a low voice. “Perfect targets. So, you know… no pressure.”

Snap grunts in frustration and turns his head towards Rey, hands gripped on the steering wheel.

“I can’t see shit. Give me the thermal.”

The young woman nods slightly and bends over to search through his things, packed next to her on the floorboard of the vehicle. She secures a black thermal monocular to lend to him, in hope of an improvement. An uneasy tension is towering over their heads. She can almost taste it, if it wasn’t for the suffocating smell of hot soil blurring all of her senses.

“Better ?” Solo asks with just a crack of eagerness. The other man takes a few seconds before he has to sigh in defeat.

“Not even close.”

“Alright,” grunts the Captain. “Keep going. We’re not too far off, so let’s just hope no one blows us up.”

An unpleasant shiver runs down her back. Rey’s not sure if he’s being completely serious or if this is his sense of humor. He doesn’t look like someone who laughs a whole lot, nor she can recall seeing him smiling a single time. But he would probably say something like that just the same. In the orange darkness filling their moving grave, she stares at him absent-minded.

None of it feels real to her.

A few weeks back, she was still under Corellia’s rain, cold and somewhat apprehensive of the unknown. Now she’s here, but it’s as if she’s still marching between the shadows of her mind. She doesn’t feel different, or more mature. It’s nothing like she had envisioned, nothing like in the movies. Even though she knows they’re risking their lives out in the open, it doesn’t feel any different than any other ride. Somehow, it _should_ – and Rey’s wondering if she’s going to have that sort of blazing revelation she’s looking for. Maybe it’s what she’s missing; the puzzle piece to put everything back together, to give her the answers.

She wants a purpose, she wants to fill the void left in her soul, but nothing seems to fit the pattern. It’s frightening to think about it. Do other people feel it too? Rey’s quite sure Captain Solo is not that type of person. She wonders what he was like when he first joined the Alliance, where he was before Jakku. She heard the guys talking about Hanna Camp. It’s quite far from where she was born; not like it has something to do with any of this.

“What’s the matter, Rigel ?”

“What ?” she blinks stupidly.

“You’re staring.”

A rush of embarrassment spreads to her face, as she realizes she was actively peering at him for the past minute or so. She clears her throat and averts her eyes to Flip, just so she can compose herself. The animal is carefully sitting between the legs of his owner, his head resting on Solo’s thigh while he’s stroking him from time to time.

“No, sorry, I was just… thinking.”

“About what ?” Solo continues with the same detachment.

He’s not looking at her, facing the bulletproof glass of the lateral door. The deep black shade of his hair is clashing on the bright orange bandanna – peaking through his tactical gear – around his neck.

“About home, I guess,” she finally says.

“Where is home ?”

His tone is casual, chatty-like. It seems particularly odd that her CO wants to have a conversation with _her_. For some reason, Rey finds herself on the verge of hesitation. She usually doesn’t talk much about that – doesn’t talk about it at all – as if she’s afraid to open the Pandora's Box. It’s stupid, because no one could shine a light on her entire past just from some random pieces of information, but it still feels awfully personal. And Rey’s not good with personal.

She has spent so much time protecting herself from the outside world, she might have lost something in the process. Even so, she can’t recall the last time someone asked about such things. She figures it can’t hurt to give it a try. After all, this is her unit now, and she’ll need to get close to those men eventually.

“Kor Vella, in Corellia,” the young woman explains.

“I see.”

A heavy bump on the road causes them to bounce inside the Humvee. Rey grabs the seat in front of her to prevent her from moving around some more. Flip has sat up in alarm, searching for some casualties. With a heavy hand, Solo keeps him still in front of him and flicks his tongue.

“ _Assis._ ”

Just like that, the big dog sits back in position and pops his head to the side, earning a few more gentle strokes. Rey isn’t quite sure about what the man just said. She knows it’s common practice to use a foreign language when teaching commands to service dogs, just so the orders don’t get mixed up with regular conversations. But she’s now wondering if he learned it for the sole purpose of dog training. His accent sounded somehow authentic, almost… enticing.

“What about you ?” she carefully asks.

“What about me ?”

“Home.”

“Oh,” Solo recalls with a sarcastic smirk. “Niima Outpost, Sandbox.”

The two others join in with a mocking laugh, giving Rey the vivid impression this is a familiar joke running among them. After a few mere seconds, the officer turns his face towards her, stirring a light pressure on her shoulders as he glances at her.

“I’m from Junari Point,” he finally adds with a stern face. “Bet you never heard of it.”

“Not really,” Rey has to admit.

He waves a distracted hand in front of him as he speaks.

“Small place, near the sea coast of Chandrila. Not much to see, but I can’t wait to go back to this shit town and do nothing all day, feet in the sand.”

“You could do some fishing, yeah ?” Merle interrupts above his shoulder with a rampant enthusiasm. The blond soldier looks positively thrilled at the idea; his captain not so much.

“I don’t do _fishing_.”

“C’mon! I’ll teach you, Captain.”

“You’re not invited, Merle.”

Rey can’t help but to chuckle a little under her breath. Solo’s attitude is so distant and uptight, yet perfectly calm, and she’s starting to get used to the inflections of his voice. It reminds her of their first encounter, as she realizes it’s not just her. The man is like that with everyone, and to be perfectly honest, she probably likes it. It suits him.

“You’re gonna get bored.”

“Very unlikely.”

“We’ll come visit you with Rigel, how about that ?” Merle insists without an ounce of remorse.

“Actually,” the young woman adds. “I’ve never seen the sea.”

“Great! Then I’ll teach you how to fish, kid.”

This conversation now feels way out of place, but maybe it’s exactly what this is really about. Glaring at small prospects of normality while they’re running blind in hostile territories, unsure of their chances of survival. It’s a game, a mind trick to keep their pressures low and their brains busy. And they’re all playing, even Solo – whose eyes keep returning on the road with a restless aiming.

“Not on _my_ beach. A man just wants some peace, for fuck’s sake.”

“You love us deep down, I know it,” Merle proudly affirms.

“I’m contractually obligated to keep you around.”

“Don’t worry, we love you too. Most of the time.”

“Oh, lucky me.” Solo trails off with a smirk on his face.

 

**

 

“This is it ?”

“How many towns do you think there are in this fucking desert, Snap ?”

The man shrugs before answering, “Don’t know, Captain. Seemed bigger last time we were here.”

“Guess you can thank the Jaks for the bombing,” Solo states with a heavy voice. “Get us behind the last building. We’ll get some cover with the wall.”

While they’re maneuvering around, Rey is busy looking outside and analyzing her new surroundings with a bit of apprehension. She has never been somewhere like this before. Cratertown is a relatively small place, landlocked between a rock bed and an unmapped no man’s land of sand. They didn’t spot any traffic on the road, in or out, and it could easily pass for another of the abandoned cities scattered across Jakku. Since civil war broke loose under the Empire regime, things have been extremely difficult in this particular region. Anyone could attest to the violence plaguing the rebels' insurrection, just by looking at that barely standing front-line. Half of the habitations have been destroyed, scrambled into a pile of mudbricks and rocks. Everything looks worn, faded, _tired_.

As she steps a foot outside of the vehicle, Rey is taking in the unnatural silence of the town. There is no sign of life in sight. Some sun-washed clothing is dancing around on the hot wind, marking the entrance of low squared buildings along a tight line. Just a few meters away, a long wall of ocher bricks is erupting from the ground, breaking the progression of the sand over the man-made place. Continuing north from here, she’d eventually come across Tuanul – or so she thinks. It’s one of the last strongholds for the Imperial Military based on the country, and they’re utterly determined to break down any resistance – no matter the cost.

“Captain Solo.”

A man in BDU pants and camo attire is walking towards them with confidence. His rangers pick up a spray of dust in his tracks, and Rey immediately notices the unsettling shade of blue of his eyes, as he salutes her CO.

“Captain Nive,” replies Solo with a handshake. The newcomers are gathering behind their captain, stretching legs after the long ride. The young woman spares a glance towards Finn, who's inspecting a heavy box of material being unloaded from the trunk – presumably explosive charges. Fox is supervising the operation, a frown of concentration on his face.

“Bloody time for some reinforcements,” Captain Nive mumbles out without much excitement. “I thought we could choke alone! Who did you piss off for that ?”

Solo lets out a small sound of sarcasm.

“A lot of people, I’m sure. Skywalker sent us, but the order came from above.”

Just a few steps behind his broad shoulders, Rey is trying to put a name on the feeling, as she looks some more over the other soldier. Next to his counterpart, Solo could almost pass for pale – as the Cratertown’s officer is toasted from the jakkuvian sun. He appears to be barely past his forties, despite the fact his face looks prematurely aged by the stressful nature of his job. Long blond hair hanging in a single braid leads her to wonder how long exactly he’s been manning the deck here.

“Above, eh ?” Nive doesn’t seem very pleased with that information, but doesn’t elaborate on the subject. “What a shitty day to take a walk, Solo.”

“We couldn’t let you have all the fun.”

“This is your definition of _fun_  ?” suddenly snarls a female voice. “Fucking psycho dogs.”

Turning around to meet the intruder, they come face to face with a female soldier sporting a green jacket over her regular uniform shirt. Her dark blond hair disappears under a light-color synthsilk scarf, half across her face. Making her way through the squad of men, she then lowers it to reveal noticeably attractive features. Unfazed by her rude interjection, Nive just sighs loudly.

“You remember Lieutenant Lintra, right ?”

It’s more a truthful statement than a question and Solo doesn’t bother to acknowledge it, shifting focus.

“Got yourself a promotion, Blue Leader ?”

“Lots of people get killed around here, Kylo. Haven’t you heard? Promotions are going up by the week.”

The woman tone is harsh, unapologetic. This time though, her superior tries to cut her off.

“She’s joking.”

“Oh, she’s not.”

“Shut up, Lintra.” Nive orders with a steel voice.

“Yes, _Sir_.”

Taking back the lead of this conversation, the officer scratches a hand over his sweaty forehead, looking around.

“We’ll get your guys piled up on the main building with us. We’re trying to not disrupt the locals too much, but lately – you know. Anyways, it’s secured. Well, shit – who’s that? Your little sister ?”

Rey tenses a little under the sudden scrutiny. Looks like she’s going to have to own it anywhere she goes. This time though, her captain steps in to fill in the blanks, sparing her the energy to do so. A slight feeling of relief reaches through her to ease her tension, with maybe just a warm touch of gratitude.

“That’s our medic.”

“What happened with Asty ?”

“What do you think ?” Solo replies coldly. “She’s our new one.”

For a minute, Rey’s taken aback by the statement, causing a knot in her throat. She’s never allowed herself to let that thought sinks in. Maybe it was another desperate attempt from her mind to shield her from reality. But deep down, she probably already knew. If their late comrade was still alive, she would’ve heard about him by now.

The silence is a soldier’s defense, and Solo doesn’t need to say much of anything else.

“Well, alright then,” Nive concludes with another loud sigh. “She can help Starck while you’re here, eh? He’s running that dispensary – whatever, for the locals. The roads to Reestkii are full of patrols. Hard to get anywhere with the IAF on your ass. Plus they’ve shot down the last doctor like three weeks ago. I tell you, _shitty days_.”

“She can help. That’s why we’re here.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Solo. I know why you’re here. What, you think we’ve got no intel ?”

Under the bite of the older man, a weird silence has fallen upon the scene.

“Let’s talk somewhere more private,” finally suggests Solo.

A small, bitter sound breaks the burning dry air between the faded buildings.

“I’ll show your guys around while you’re playing god then,” Lintra decides with an empty smirk.

Solo shots her a frown look, jaws clenched in annoyance – which is an abrupt turn from his previous behavior.

“Don’t be an ass, Tallisan.”

“Fuck off, Ben.”


	5. Help the Helpless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, another chapter that turned out to be full of unexpected developments (and good music, you'll see)!  
> I really need to chill out with my outline, but what can I say? I love it haha! Having a lot of fun so far, thank you so much for the support, it means a lot!  
> If you know some people who'd enjoy this story as well, may I ask you share it with them? Would make me really happy! See ya xxx

**CHAPTER FIVE**

 

 _Ben_. Captain Ben Solo.

This is brand new information to Rey. She hadn’t thought about that up until now, but if she had to guess, she would’ve not picked this one. In all honesty, she doesn’t know what she would’ve picked, just because associating a first name to her CO makes him look so much more human, and somewhat closer. He’s not just her captain, he’s an individual – and whatever is going on around here, he seems to have a personal history with Lieutenant Lintra.

“You’ll stay with us on the main building. It was a communal market but well, no one’s going shopping anymore. We've made some barricades and we have a good range from the rooftop. Right next door is the school, so expect some kids running around and -”

“There are kids here ?” Rey asks in disbelief.

“Of course,” states Lintra with a weird look. “What do you think we’ve done with them? Tossed them up in the desert ?”

“No, I mean… I didn’t think, you know – that they would’ve stayed _here_.”

“Where do you want them to go? This is their home. There is no place else.”

“I thought Reestkii was safer.”

“You’re cute,” Lintra smiles – in a way leading her to think she’s _not_ cute, but she might well be stupid. “Besides, most of the rebs are just farmers. They wouldn’t have the money to go even if they wanted to, and most of them don’t _want_ to. So, we’re just making the best of it. Here, this is the dispensary.”

The athletic woman slows down in front of a long building, half-covered by a rock wall as if it was carved directly into it. The entrance is guarded by a white piece of clothing marked with a red painted cross. Rey is still searching for any trace of population under the heavy sun, but so far, the streets of Cratertown are only paced by the expeditionary unit and Nive’s men.

“It was a local temple,” explains Lintra. “People here are superstitious as fuck. But it’s big enough, and Starck can patch us up pretty well most of the time. The man doesn’t get enough sleep though, we’ve been cornered for a fucking long time. We’re running out of everything.”

“We’ve brought you some supplies from the FOB.”

“Great.” The woman gestures for Rey to follow as the both of them enter the reconverted temple. Inside, a surprisingly cool atmosphere brushes against her burning skin, leaving her to shiver in reaction. The ceiling is running high above them in a concave pattern, and the lateral overtures are narrow and angled, designed to keep most of the heat outside during the stinging hours of the day. As a result, most of the place is plunged in darkness and it takes a few moments for her to adjust to the new luminosity.

The sounds of their footsteps are echoing under the rock cathedral, as Lintra is guiding her furthermore down a big room surrounded by grey stone columns. Rey can tell it was a place of cult from some reminiscent details – for example, what she believes to be a carved symbol of the mystical Jedi Order into the solid walls – but most of it has been erased to meet a more practical need. Old rock benches are piling against a wall, probably because they couldn’t be reused for any sort of engineering. Everything else made of wood has been recycled into palisades over the openings, nailed into place more than one time. The center of the room is divided by two lines of aluminum folding beds, half of them being occupied.

It’s her first encounter with civilians since she has arrived in Jakku, and Rey’s taking in the blast silently, her chest rising a few inches higher under her plate carrier.

“We’ve been having a fucking outbreak for like, the past two weeks,” Lintra grunts.

“Of what ?”

“Not sure, some bacterial shits. Fucking IAF destroyed the main water well. Like I said, things are getting _tense_ in the neighborhood.”

The young medic nods to herself, making a mental note to watch out for what she drinks. She was ready to face trauma wounds, but a cholera epidemic would prove to be just as much unwanted as for now. Rey’s quickly realizing just how precarious the situation is in Cratertown. This is uncharted territories, she hadn’t had any course about that during her years of training. They taught her how to manage spare resources, sure – but what about when there is not even clean water to begin with?

“Is he alone, your medic ?” she asks in a troubled voice.

“Yes. They’ve killed all the local personnel just to make sure no one could help the rebs. So now, it’s just us.” Lintra points out towards a man, sat a few beds away from them. He’s facing one of his patients, and Rey can hear pieces of conversation in a language she doesn’t understand, presumably a local dialect. _Great_.

“Hey, Starck !” shoots his comrade. “Look, I brought you a new girlfriend !”

“Oh, fuck off, Tallie,” the man says without even looking at her.

“No, I mean it,” she laughs to herself. The Starck guy finally lifts his head from what he was doing and peeks around in interest. As he does, his sharp brows furrow pensively over Rey’s presence, causing some wrinkles on his large forehead.

“Oh – _sorry_. Who are you ?”

“They sent a new team,” Lintra explains patiently. “Guess it’s your lucky day, dude. That nap is calling.”

“Hi, Adhara,” the young woman adds politely.

“Starck.”

The man seems unsure of the proper behavior to adopt, as if he hasn’t come across another human in ages. Rey’s pretty sure this isn’t the case and therefore, she doesn’t exactly know how to interpret the reaction. From what she’s been told, however, it’s pretty clear the medic hasn’t been sleeping properly in a very long time. Even in dimmed light, heavy dark circles are visible under his small eyes.

“You want a hand with that ?” Rey finally decides to ask.

Starck blinks a few times at her, unassertive, his hands suspended in the air before him. He’s holding a clear-glass bottle in the left, and a syringe on the other – in what she imagines is an antibiotics injection.

“Nah, I can – Actually… Yes, fuck, please.”

Getting the green light, Rey starts to unpack, setting her bag on the ground and reaching for her tactical gear.

“OK, nice,” Lintra concludes with a clap of hands. “I’m leaving you two to your medic things, bonding and shit. That well won’t rebuild itself. Keep the radio on.”

“Always, love.”

“Shut up, man.”

The lieutenant gives them a last inspection before heading out. Meanwhile, Rey has stripped down to a simple long-sleeves thermal, free to move around as she pleases. The weight of her handgun is still strapped to her right thigh, but she figures she might as well keep it there, just in case. Determined to prove herself useful, she reaches into the front pocket of her backpack, pulling out a pair of blue latex gloves. Next to her, Starck is holding out another syringe with a small glass container full of a transparent liquid.

“You’re fresh from the academy, aren’t ya ?”

Rey is quickly scanning the label of the bottle he had just passed to her, confirming her initial thoughts.

“Well… yes. It’s that obvious ?” The young woman looks up to him again, a curious expression painted across her face. Starck rewards her with a small grimace in place of an apparent smile. The man looks positively _trashed_ , and it’s almost an uncanny miracle to see him still standing there. He’s in desperate need of more than just a nap.

“You’ve just put on a pair of gloves.”

She frowns in confusion.

“What ?”

“This is a one glove job,” he continues with another exhausted smile. “Ya’ll learn, don’t worry.”

Suddenly, Rey is reconsidering all of her standards. Things must be _really_ bad for them that they are now counting gloves. They definitely should’ve brought more supplies from the hospital. Didn’t her superiors know that? Didn’t they care? She probably already knows the answer to that. Besides, they’re supposed to fight the IAF. They are military, not a humanitarian organization. But no one else is coming here to pick up the pieces. What’s the point in fighting if there are no people left to enjoy the freedom?

“Start from the last row, give them a shot each. I take this one.”

“Yes.”

During the next half-hour, Rey begins to work her way among the patients with the help of Starck, shutting back any of her anguish as best as she can. She meets different faces – male, female, young, younger. Not a whole lot of old people. She speaks some words of sympathy, trying to be reassuring and friendly. The young woman isn’t positive they can communicate with her, but she does it anyways – introducing herself with a smile each time. No one is talkative inside the old temple, matching the gloomy mood of the weird place.

Aside from a few trauma cases, most of the present people are suffering from acute dehydration, lying on the green folding beds helplessly, without much strength. They’d need much more than just an injection to recover, most likely some IV fluids. But they can’t possibly treat all of them, limited in their scarcity.

Despite the obvious inadequacy of the response, Rey doesn’t encounter a single spark of resentment. If anything, she’s rewarded with the same eyes wherever she goes and the young medic starts to feel herself being deeply affected by something she can’t comprehend just yet. She keeps her hands steady and her voice calm, breathing in the solemn weigh of what she’s doing. She needs to focus on-

“Rigel! We need you here.”

Rising in alarm to the sound of that harsh voice, Rey abruptly turns around to meet two familiar faces approaching without much discretion. She immediately spots Fox carrying what appears to be a young child in his arms, Finn behind his shoulder.

“Do you mind ?” she quickly asks the senior medic, while making her way to meet the two men.

“Go ahead,” Starck replies, shaking his head with fatigue. “All yours.”

Rey’s already grabbing her medical bag and gesturing towards an empty exam table, strategically placed under an emergency spotlight – the same kind they use in outdoor situations, powered by solar panels. Thankfully, the device lights up on command, casting a precise white halo on the scene. She looks over to the tall soldier, in search of an answer.

“What happened ?”

“Not sure, we found her over the wall,” Fox explains rapidly. “She might have tripped over a fucking mortar. She won’t make a damn sound.”

Rey has now a clear view of the little girl clenched to his chest like a rock. She doesn’t appear to be much older than five – maybe six years old, dressed in loose clothing and her dark brown hair messing around a small tanned face. For some reason, the youngling seems to be very anxious to let go of Fox – who's fighting to sit her up on the exam table without much success. The girl shots a fearful look towards Rey, her black eyes filled with heavy tears of pain and worry.

“She made me run to catch her, that little prick.”

“Maybe she thought you were with the bad guys,” Finn adds with a frown.

“Fuck that, I look like a nice guy !”

“Not really, Serg.”

“Yeah, I fucking do. Shut your mouth, Flash !”

The man sounds irritated by that statement, his fairly pale skin stained with red colors on his face and down his neck. He might indeed have been running after the little one. But the chase should’ve been short, as the girl is now lying onto his shoulder, her right arm bleeding profusely all over Fox’s chest. The cut looks pretty deep, despite the gloved hand he’s pressing on top of it to contain the hemorrhage.

“OK, can I look? Can you show me ?” Rey asks softly.

Since they haven’t succeeded in making her sit on the table just yet, the young woman leans forward and presents the unknown child with her arm, in hope of some communication breakthrough.

“Is it bad? It looks bad,” Finn rumbles above her shoulder with a worried voice.

Rey grabs a sterile gauze and removes Fox’s hand to have a better look. The flesh has been cut sharply, in a long vertical line along her forearm – presumably by a piece of metal. But thankfully, no further arterial damages are to deplore. When Rey presses a compress to the wound, the youngling bites on her lower lip with an acute sound of pain, her breathing messed up by the silent cries.

“Don’t worry,” she gently smiles. “I’m gonna fix this for you.”

“C’mon little shit, just sit on the doshin’ table,” Fox adds in a low voice while stroking her hair.

“Maybe you can sit with her just for a little while ?” Rey finally proposes.

“Do I look like I got time for this shit, Rigel ?”

“I mean… Nobody’s shooting at us so-” She shrugs, searching for a suture kit. “She needs a few stitches. It shouldn’t be too long.”

“ _Fine_ ,” the man grunts in obvious annoyance.

He hasn’t stop stroking her hair though, so Rey theorizes he may not be as annoyed as he would like to.

“Why don’t you talk to her ?”

“Say _what_  ?”

“Reassure her,” the young woman insists, pulling out a local anesthesia and a small needle.

“She doesn’t understand,” the other soldier points out, clearly questioning her logic.

“Be creative. It’s just a little girl, and she likes you.”

“She doesn’t.”

“Oh yeah, she does,” Rey chuckles.

Fox rolls his eyes at her and lets out a patronizing sigh, making sure to let everyone know how he feels about that. Just a few moments later, he nonetheless wipes some of the tears away with his free hand, while the child now sits on top of his legs. Not that bad of a man after all. Rey has to suppress a tentative smile and begins to anesthetize the zone with a few injections, before she can clean it out properly. To her credits, the little girl barely flinches under the procedure. Truthfully, she appears to be more terrified by the medic than by her injury, which is quite odd. Her small hand is firmly tucked around the brown strap of the soldier’s gear, leaving Rey to wonder how a big, imposing man like Fox can be more reassuring than her.

Out of the blue, the sergeant’s voice suddenly fills the air with a range she’s never heard of before. She can’t help but to stare at the man in solid surprise. This is weirdly unexpected.

“[/ _Go on identify it if you want to, what I would really like to know_ /](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rk7OrXm72E)”

Fox ignores her initial shock with a confident posture, still unbothered by the whole situation, and slaps a heavy hand onto Finn’s torso.

“C’mon, sing with me, you dickhead.”

Reacting to the barely subtle menace, her friend quickly begins to reprise the song’s lyrics on its own.

“/ _Will you light the sky on fire? Will you light tonight like you did the night before, baby ?_ /”

It’s not long before the two men continue their unforeseen duo in the middle of the quiet dispensary. Rey even finds herself humming faintly to the sound of their voices, while she’s carefully cleaning the edges of the wound. This is not something she had envisioned anywhere down the line, but it lightens the mood quite a bit, which is not a bad thing considering. Eventually, Starck also decides to join the new boy band as the song proves to be a popular hit among the Alliance’s army.

“/ _You could take me higher than the diamonds in the sky. Take me, light in the sky and we'll vanish without a trace_ /”

The little girl is now staring at Fox with dark glassy eyes and her undivided attention, Rey and her business long gone from her mind.

“Her name’s Sidirri.”

The senior medic has joined them to take a closer look at the situation, keeping at a respectful distance from the young woman to not interfere with her care. She duly notes and appreciates the gesture.

“Sidirri? Hi, I’m Rey.”

“She’s a little walking disaster, this one. Always running around to do fun business. Aren’t ya, Sidi ?”

“Amazing. Where are the parents ?” Fox cuts out with a dry tone of disapproval.

Starck’s smile slowly fades away, inevitably replaced by a cold disillusionment. Hands on his hips, the man shakes his head.

“Dead. They were rebel fighters.”

 

**

 

Rey has been lying awake in her camp bed, unable to sleep, as the last hours of the night merged into a shy, chilly morning. She hadn’t anticipated the temperatures night drop, but quickly realized it could get quite cold in the region, contrary to Niima Outpost. She had found herself wrapped under her blanket, almost fully clothed, between the sleepy forms of two of her comrades. Out there, there is no such thing as a female quarter and to be perfectly honest, Rey is pretty happy about that. Asides from a few stupid jokes, it was actually nice to spend some time with the other guys, to try and blend in within her unit. A bit intimidating maybe, but she didn’t feel out of place or unsafe. For a bunch of reported assholes, they’re not terrible so far.

While she was busy helping Starck at the dispensary, the rest of the unit made some more recon around Cratertown. They’re meant to go out today and have a look further up the rocky mountain – where the main water well is located. Rey could’ve used a bit more rest for that, but her mind is too restless to indulge her in such luxury. Besides, the weird silence is killing her.

Leaving her sleep behind, the young woman decides to get up. She laces up her combat boots and makes her way to the opposite side of the room – leaving Snap to snore like a raging tank. In the narrow staircase, Rey encounters the bright light of a new day, coming from above. Her arms crossed in front of her, she climbs a few used stairs to join the rooftop of the old building. The structure is primarily made of mudbricks, like the rest of the town. A smell of sand and dry dirt welcomes her as she steps outside, but a chill wind is still blowing from the east. Rey then realizes she’s not the only morning bird.

Two sets of eyes turn to meet her under the pale canvas sky. The blue ones belong to Lieutenant Lintra. She’s wearing a wool poncho with a geometric pattern, a metal cup between her hands. The others are a dark brown shade owned by Captain Solo, and it certainly feels like Rey’s disrupting a conversation between the two of them.

The woman gives her a small nod in acknowledgment and makes her way towards the staircase without adding another word.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt-”

“You didn’t.”

Lintra’s tone keeps her from opening her mouth some more, as the lieutenant walks past her and disappears, leaving her alone with Solo and his dog. This is awkward. Rey stands by in hesitation, not sure how to react. She’s clearly missing some information on the subject. Solo, on the other hand, appears to be perfectly unbothered. He’s casually sipping on what she presumes to be coffee, sat on a wooden bench near the edge of the roof while Flip is relaxing at his feet. Just when Rey decides she might as well turn around and leave them alone, the man stops her.

“You really need to learn to sleep whenever you can.”

She registers that as her cue to interact. Rey takes a few more steps towards the pair, scanning the flat horizon over the town walls thanks to the building's height. Her hair is dancing free in all directions under the breeze, brushing her face while she tries to keep it still with a hand.

“I’m working on it, Sir. Might take a few more tries,” she says lightly.

“Too noisy for you with the pack ?” Solo mocks with an obvious sarcasm.

“Actually, quite the opposite. Everything’s so quiet here… Well, except for Snap.”

The man takes another sip out of his cup, but Rey can see a tentative smile peaking at the corner of his mouth. What a day to be alive. Solo brushes his hair back – just for it to return in a messy black mass, and he eyes the bench next to him. This might be an invitation to sit. Flip pops his head up in curiosity to watch as she does, ears moving, but quickly go back to lay flat beside his human. Now what?

Rey feels incredibly pressured by the man’s presence next to her. There is no context, no order, and it somehow reminds her of their encounter at the hospital. At least she’s not on the verge of crying this morning, which is a clear improvement.

“Lintra said you did a good job yesterday.”

Utterly surprised by that comment, she looks at him more directly. Solo turns his head to face her, casting a large shadow down the side of his nose. The long, healed scar running down his cheek is cutting through his unkempt beard like a guiding line and Rey follows it without realizing. She didn’t notice before, but he has a lot of beauty marks on his sunburnt skin, as well as some noticeable wrinkles.

“Really ?” she finally utters back to him.

“With the child.”

The young woman presses her hands together between her thighs to keep them warm.

“I got some help,” she smiles at the memory. “But I thought I could go back to check on her before we leave, since I’m already up.”

“Don’t.”

The abrupt change of direction leaves her confused. Rey is scanning his impenetrable gaze, lips parted without a sound.

“Don’t get involved with them,” Solo insists dryly.

“Why – What do you mean ?”

The captain casts a quick look towards the horizon. The waking colors of the early dawn are moving across the sky, morphing the opalescent blue into a vibrating red above the reflecting sand's surface. But Rey’s too focused on the man to notice any of that. She’s waiting for him to elaborate, trying to wrap her mind around that unnatural concept. Why wouldn’t she check on her patients? She can’t treat people without getting a little involved, can she?

Solo isn’t part of that school apparently, cause he pursues with the same detached voice, dragging his point across without playing around.

“Don’t make friends with them or it'll make things harder for you. You’re here to take care of us, not to take care of them, Rigel.”

“I know that, Sir. But I think I still can do both while-”

“No, you can’t.”

His harsh, commanding tone leaves her stunned. It’s clear to her this is not a discussion, and Rey’s having a hard time to adjust, feeling her chest tighten in discomfort.

“Don’t make this war personal,” he adds with a deep frown.

“How do you _not_ make this personal ?” Rey argues back before she can stop herself. “This is our lives – the lives of millions of people !”

“No. Right now, to you, it’s just a job. You do it and you get to go home, maybe. But the moment you make it into something personal, I guarantee you it’s the moment you get yourself fucked.”

He has rendered her speechless. The two of them just sit there in a heavy silence while peering into each other eyes without moving. Rey tries to read something in them, but she fails at the task, overwhelmed by the dynamic of their relationship. She isn’t really in a position to question an officer. No matter how accessible Solo may present himself to her, he’s still her CO – and the way he carries himself suggests for her to not forget about that. This is the most confusing feeling she has probably encountered in her entire life; not knowing to whom she’s speaking to exactly.

“I read your file,” the man says, watching her reaction closely. “Before they put you on my team. I know about your parents.”

Her next breath leaves her lungs with a small gasp. The young woman is physically unable to respond – crushed by a deep, dark feeling of anxiety – but it doesn’t prove necessary, as Solo continues.

“It’s ugly, but just because you’re an orphan doesn’t mean you get to feel sorry for every motherless child you meet. You want to help her? Keep my men alive so we can win the war.”

Rey’s trying her best to keep her emotions under control, but she might not be doing a great job at the task. She feels like Solo can almost hear the irregular heartbeat pulsing through her veins. She has never discussed this with anyone ever. She’s the best at avoiding family topics and quite frankly, most people just don’t care enough to investigate. When she has absolutely no other choice, she sometimes checks a few boxes on administrative papers indicating she has no known relatives. There is no next to kin to notify in case something would happen to her. As it is, however, a requirement to integrate the Alliance, she has given them the name of her former CO, back in Corellia. This is how pathetic her life really is, and somehow, Solo is very aware of that. The idea makes her sick.

Desperate to think about something – _anything_ – else, Rey pushes everything aside.

“Did you… Did you pick my candidature ?” she finally manages to ask.

“I did.”

Her eyes widen in surprise, incredulous. This whole time, the man was not only perfectly aware of whom they'd sent to join the unit – but apparently took the decision himself. Why would he do such a thing? Why her? Why the nineteen years old rookie he would need to ‘tuck into bed at night’? This makes absolutely no sense to Rey.

“Why ?”

That’s everything she succeeds in saying, passably shocked. Solo grants her another of his looks, the kind she can’t read – a common theme around the house. She’s breathless, waiting for an answer more than air.

“During your eval with the shrink, you said you sometimes feel like you’re standing at the edge of a cliff, without knowing what to do.” The man gives her a quick pause, and then continues. “I think what you really meant to say was – without knowing whether or not you want to _jump_. It’s the pull, between light and darkness. That’s why you’re here.”

“Because… I don’t know if I want to jump ?”

“Because you’re not afraid to stand on the cliff regardless.”

Captain Ben Solo then proceeds to give her his cup of coffee. The young woman reaches to it with trembling hands, still staring at the man like she’s waiting for the ground to crack open underneath her feet. The metallic recipient is hot under her touch and the strong beverage’s sent gives her a small sense of comfort. She nervously clenches her fingers around it, while Solo bends down to pet his dog with a big, energetic hand.

“Don’t be afraid,” he finally adds. “I feel it too. We all do. You don’t get to do the things we do without that feeling inside of you.”

 

\--

 

NOTES: I figured since there is quite an extended cast in this story, I'd give you a quick recap on at least Solo's unit!  
So here they are, the Crazy Dogs ;) You still have to meet some of them personally.

 **BEN "KYLO" SOLO** \- Captain - Detachment Commander  
  
**ARMITAGE "FOX" HUX** \- First Sergeant - Assistant Detachment Commander  
  
**REY "RIGEL" ADHARA** \- Medical personnel  
  
**VIN "MERLE" NOTHOS** \- Communications personnel  
  
**FINN "FLASH" NAMTAR** \- Engineering personnel  
  
**PALLARIS "PALLA" VEN** \- Weapons personnel  
  
**TEMMIN "SNAP" WEXLEY** \- Operations personnel  
  
**YOLO ZIFF** \- Operations assistant personnel  
  
**TORBEN** \- Intelligence personnel  
  
\+ 3 UNNAMED PEOPLE (because I'm lazy right now)

Hope this helps, tell me if you need a full casting list! Next chapter will be the first "outdoor" mission, expect some adventures!


	6. Safety First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boi, here we are! Serious chapter is serious ;)  
> Happy reading guys! xxx

**CHAPTER SIX**

 

“You put your sunscreen on, Serg ?”

“Ah ah,” Fox snarls with an annoyed expression. “Very funny, bro. Keep digging if you don’t want a shovel up your ass.”

Snap doesn’t look excessively worried by the threat. Needless to say, the man probably weights two times the mass of his sergeant – and that’s all muscles. There is no telling as to who would win a fight between the two of them. For now, however, they’re both busy sweating under the hard zenith sun, piling soil and rocks to get access to the damaged pipes, on the mountain site.

Solo’s unit has joined civilians to help in the process, escorted by some men from Captain Nive. Apparently, they’ve been working on it for quite some time since the enemies bombed the zone during their last raid, but the lack of working personnel and resources has slowed down the process. For a starter, getting up there wasn’t that much fun. They had to leave their vehicle a few kilometers down the trail, enjoying twenty minutes of climbing terrain with all of their gear on.

Maybe Rey is a bit more grateful for her dreadful PT session at this point, putting things into perspective. She’s been assigned to watch duty, leaving her to seat atop of an elevated rock landforms. She suspects it has something to do with the fact she’s a woman, and she’s not so happy about that, but she’s following orders without arguing. Rifle on her lap, she’s carefully scanning her surroundings for any sign of hostile activities. A man from the other unit is posted at her opposite near a big sliced trunk, mirroring the same task for the past two hours. But so far, the morning has been quiet and peaceful – aside from the verbal fighting constantly rumbling among the men. That’s something they do a lot, she’d figured, presumably to keep a low pressure. Finn – who’s the designated brain of the whole operation since he’s the engineering specialist – has been generously teased by his fellow soldiers. But now, the taunts seem to have deflected into Fox, and he’s having none of it.

“I’m gonna dog walk your ass if you keep coming like that !”

As he talks, the man gestures dramatically with a long rusted shovel in hand. Next to him, the big stature of Snap rises from the pit they are engulfed in. She spots them throwing mud at each other, with a nice selection of curse words. A few laughs break the dry air, and the young woman trails a hand to her face, sweeping away some sweat. Her helmet protects her from being directly exposed under the sun, but it’s also heating her head like an oven and her hair is sticky down her neck. Trying to ignore the playtime of her unit, Rey watches the outer perimeter in silence. The main water well is situated near an old sheepfold, presumably abandoned. Behind it, a low wall severs the place from an open field, mainly covered by white crops.

“No, but for real! With that orange fur on your face? I bet the Jaks can spot you from ten klics away. Plus, it kinda looks itchy.”

“I don’t know, ask your mom,” Fox spits back with an evil smile.

“Oh, c’mon! Not the-”

Before Snap can finish his sentence, a loud explosive noise rips through the casual chatting. Immediately, the men drop their tools and reach for weapons. Everyone is switching into position, alert and ready. Rey has jumped to her feet with a rush of adrenaline, and is now kneeling near the bedrock, her rifle in front of her. She’s searching in frenzy the source of the detonation, but so far, nothing seems to move around them. Her heartbeat is racing, pumping blood to her brain with fury, pulsing into her ears. She expects to be shot any second now, and she can taste the fear on her mouth, bitter and suffocating. Something she has never been through before, not like that.

“Any visual on target ?”

That distinctive voice belongs to Captain Solo, she knows it without even looking at him. For some reason, Rey finds a faint sense of comfort in his proximity. He said he will have her back when things get bad, and today could go pretty badly from now on. She wants to trust him. The man knows what he’s doing, that’s why he’s the captain.

“Negative. No contact !”

“Clear on me,” calls a soldier somewhere behind her.

“Clear.”

“No contact,” Fox yells from his side.

After some more recon, they quickly reach the conclusion that the blast is isolated from their current position. It appears to have originated further down the north, where a rural track is wandering off into more unkempt crops.

“What’s in that direction ?”

Solo is now talking to one of the civilians, eager for information. His posture is rigid with concentration, not leaving the source of the blast from sight. His interlocutor is nervously moving an old shotgun model in front of him, his speech laced with a foreign accent while he’s searching for the right words.

“Hmm. Nothing much… Some, eh, sheep? Yeah. Fields. No farms.”

“Is there an access road ?” Solo asks.

“Yes.”

“They must’ve mined it, Cap. Maybe an animal stepped on it.”

Merle is casually speaking with that same familiar lay-back tone, pretty much identical to his usual self. The blond man seems to be in charge of grounding everyone else in the present moment at any giving time. As the radio operator, he’s particularly gifted at filtering information with the most unbiased approach. Something in him is definitely up to the task and Solo carefully considers his words, weighing the decisions in his racing mind.

“They might be still here,” he finally adds.

“What do you want us to do ?”

Solo frowns in concentration. For a split second, Rey feels his eyes gazing upon her.

“I’ll get a small team to have a look,” the man decides. “No need for everyone to run into an ambush. Snap, Merle, Palla, Rigel, you’re coming with me. You take the lead here, Sergeant. If shit goes south, be ready to exfil. Shouldn’t be too long.”

“Roger that.”

Hearing her name, Rey has stepped closer. She watches as Fox and Merle exchange a fist bump before parting ways. The young woman can’t help but cast a glance towards Finn, as he’s still the closest to her from all of the squad – expecting to see him again, hopefully. He gestures for her to keep her eyes open and she nods in silence, anxiety taking a sharp tool on her. Somehow, their past friendship makes everything more difficult, more real. They were so naive, playing around at Coronet Camp, but the safety net is long gone and amid everything, Rey quickly searches for reassurance upon her captain.

“OK, let’s move. I’m gonna sweep clean the path with Flip. Do _not_ divert. Understood ?”

As the man turns to her with a serious look, Rey can speculate the question is mainly directed towards her. The others have most likely already done this sort of thing. She didn’t realize up until now that Flip’s specialty was explosive detection, but it does make a lot of sense. And she does not intend to blow herself up on an IED today.

“Yes, Sir.”

“Keep the comm open.”

Solo takes the lead of their column without hesitation, his dog on leash in front of him. Quickly, the others move into position. Rey falls behind Merle, Snap closing on them. The five soldiers are headed out in the open, small rocks creasing under the sole of their rangers and – just like that – all the odds begin to shift under the vast, empty sky of Jakku.

At first, nothing appears to be different from a simple scouting run. But as the distance from the rest of the team increases with each passing minute, they are soon enough left on their own in the middle of the mountain trail. Silence has fallen back upon them and Rey can hear the sound of Flip’s paws hitting the ground in cadence, a few meters ahead. The dog is humming down in search of a distinctive smell – which could hopefully save their lives – while his master is carefully monitoring his reactions. Despite that, the possibility of missing something can’t be totally excluded. With each step she successfully takes, the young woman feels a cold sweat running down her spine like a fearful snake closing around her. Her hands are heavy on the rifle and her breathing a little too rapid. This is a nerve-wracking moment; the uncertainty of their fate.

Within ten minutes, they come around an elevated turn of the topography. It’s not long before Palla gives them a head’s up.

“Smoke.”

Rey can see a smoke plume coming up in the distance, black trail twirling in the hot air, and confirming the location of the initial explosion. It’s somehow closer than she had anticipated. The sounds are carried differently between the particular rock environment, as she can attest. When they reach the higher ground, a new perspective is pushed into their agenda.

The rural trail continues straight to the north, flanking some more fields and a few collapsed buildings. An archaic wall made of grey stones is closing in on the left, facing some more mountains geography. Less than five hundred meters ahead of them, in the middle of the road, the burning remains of a vehicle is engulfed in flames. It seems reasonable and most logical to assume the car had come in contact with some explosive device, either on purpose or by accident.

“See something moving ?”

Solo has stopped, weapon lodged to his shoulder and he’s scanning the scene through the rifle scope. It occurs to Rey she should probably be doing the same thing, but the young woman feels an increasing tension at the back of her head, slowing her down.

“Negative,” Merle trails out in a low voice.

For a few more minutes, none of them move, waiting in complete silence. Finally, Solo decides to resume their approach.

“ _Flip, cherche._ ”

Adrenaline is now filing her every breath. Rey can smell the acre odor of smoke emanating from the car wreck. The heat generated from that fire is turning the air into a moving mass of colors, strangely similar to a mirage. She finds that quite ironic. While they’re walking on the desert road, they pick up more dust from the ground. Left and right, the burnt vegetation is a monochromatic ocher. _Nothing_ is alive.

“Stay here. Merle, on me.”

The two men advance to their objective, leaving the rest of them behind. Rey eyes the contours of the old sheepfold on her right side, peeking through the shadows of an opening. She keeps a finger near the trigger of her rifle, the handle mounted on her shoulder. Even if she carries a shorter model than the rest of them, it still feels heavy on her arms – _especially_ when plagued with anxiety. It would be foolish of her to assume she’d have the physical strength to drag someone the size of Captain Solo behind her. Rey knows she’s not competing in the same category as most of these men, and she can only hope she won’t have to drag anyone out of-

“Contact! Twelve o’clock.”

The distinctive sound of gunfire crashes down upon them. In that mere second, chaos is now leading the game. It’s a matter of instincts between standing there like a golden target or dodging to the nearest safety available. For Rey, that choice means she falls to the ground next to Snap, trying to shield herself in the ditch running down the trail road. The big man is turned on his back, head on the dirt, trying to spot the origin of the sudden attack.

“Take cover !”

That’s Solo yelling at them with an imperious voice. Body trembling in shock at the sound of the gunshots, Rey manages to find him. He has retreated behind the burning vehicle with Merle. The two men are firing back with heavy rounds of magazines, somewhere up the mountain surroundings. She has no idea where the fuck Palla has landed and she actively searches for him, fearing he might’ve been shot down by the enemy. Breathing in the dirt, Rey almost cries out when a bullet ripped to the ground, a few centimeters away from her head. The vulnerability of their situation is painfully clear to her but she can’t concentrate enough to think about anything.

She’s _fucked_.

“Snap! Take fucking cover !”

That might be Palla – not dead after all. A new round of fire prevents Rey from looking around. She tries to stay as low as possible on the ground, but she’s still way too close to the line of fire. Needless to say, Snap is even more exposed than she is, his big frame only half-sunk into the ditch. He’s also moving around like a mad man – to fire back at whoever is trying to blow their heads off.

“Stay fucking put !” urges Solo from ten feet away.

The order might be too late. After a salve of riposte, the soldier falls back onto his back with a loud cry of pain.

“I’m shot! Fucking bastards shot me !”

“Bay-3. 11-18. We’re taking fire. Taking fire !”

The end of Merle’s transmission is covered by the raging sound of the battle. Fighting to force some air down her throat, Rey’s trying to react. She’s paralyzed by a vicious fear, but someone needs her. Snap needs her. She needs to do her _job_.

“I can’t see shit ! Where are they ?”

“Don’t move, don’t move !”

At last, the young woman furiously pushes into her elbows and rolls over. She lets out a weird sound between clenched teeth and crawls until she reaches her comrade. She can’t possibly stand up, but she rises her head just enough to look at him. Blood is hard to discern in the state they’re in, covered in dust. She can only speculate about his injuries, but he seems to be handling it fairly well considering.

“Rigel, talk to me !”

Jumping under Solo’s injunction, Rey tries to find her voice back, shaky and hoarse.

“One… Hmm. Two entry wounds, arm and upper thigh,” she yells back. “I think… I think it missed the arterial.”

“You need to make the run for that wall !”

Is he out of his goddamn mind? The captain apparently doesn’t think so as he reiterates the order vehemently. She can’t possibly do that. There must be at least twenty meters in the open before they reach the stone-wall. They will be dead before that. But deep down, she’s also painfully aware that staying here is not a viable option. If only she wasn’t so terrified to move.

“Snap! Go! Go !”

Following a salve of friendly fire, the wounded soldier gets up and runs to the next side of the road. Rey can only watch, frozen by fear. The next thing she knows, a red mist is spraying the air and a motionless body falls to the ground. She can’t even hear herself screaming in horror at the sight of the fallen soldier.

“Snap! _Fuck_  !”

“11-18. Man down! Man down !”

“He’s moving? Can you see? Snap !”

“Ain’t moving! I think he’s dead !” Palla shouts from his position.

Her heart is racing in her chest and tears run down the corner of her eyes. Now she knows, she’s going to die here. That was a horrible mistake. She’s a useless piece of junk, and this fucking war is going to get them all killed for nothing.

“Rigel! Move your ass! _Now_  !”

Rey can’t detach her eyes from Snap’s body. He was right next to her just a moment before, and now he’s lying there in the middle of this madness. What if he’s still alive? She wants to clinch at that idea so painfully, but she saw the impact and the raw, gore reality of the action. There is no way he’s still alive. Her stomach flips around in agony, leaving her breathless.

“Rigel! C’mon, girl !” Merle screams at her. “You need to move !”

She can’t do that. She just _can’t_ pick herself up and she has never felt so helpless before. Rey doesn’t want to die – no today, not like that. There are so many things she wants to do but she’s just so fucking afraid to move.

Suddenly, a big heavyweight falls into her, sending her flat back to the ground. Eyes wide open with fear, she can only stare a brief second at Solo before he dodges another attack. His hot breath is crashing into her face in a rapid motion and he holds her down with an imperious arm. Suppressive fire is still being shot around, while the captain drags her with him.

“Rigel! Suck it up !”

“They’re gonna shoot me !” the young woman cries out in terror.

“No ! I’m the big man, they’re gonna shoot me! Now, grow a pair because we’re gonna run to that fucking wall! I’m giving you cover. Copy ?”

“I can’t. I can’t !”

“You got no choice. Ready !”

Not waiting for an answer of some sort, the man grabs her by the front of her tactical gear and pulls her onto her feet with a strong arm. Before she knows it, Rey is standing up like a frightened deer in the middle of the road. Solo pushes her behind his back with force, firing back to the enemies while he’s walking backward. When he breaks contact, he abruptly turns around and shoves a hand behind her to keep her moving.

“Go! Go !”

They run for their lives without looking back. Rey can almost see them reaching the safety of that wall. They might actually make it, but then-

“ _RPG_  !”

The force of the blast knocks her off of the ground. A white veil flashes before her eyes, just to fade into blackness while the blaring sounds are all replaced by utter silence.

It is so peaceful suddenly.

No screams.

No gunshots.

No _nothing_. The bliss.

And a metallic taste down her throat.

Rey rolls unto her back, coughing in pain, not sure where the sky is located anymore. How long has she been out? Everything is strangely quiet around her, except for that oppressive white noise filling her ears. It feels like she’s gasping underwater, disoriented and unsure of what just happened. Somehow, the buzzing sound is starting to burn her ear-drums, as a piercing echo strikes her brain. She’s lying on her side now, and she registers the smell of dust in the air. Dust and heat. She touches her legs, moves them. The ground is still shaking, but Rey pushes on her hand and tries to peek around. Then she sees it; a pair of combat boots running towards her. Someone’s talking to her, but she can’t quite grasp the meaning of it, still dazed by the explosion.

That’s right. Something exploded next to her. Next to _them_.

Rey is trying to stand up, dizzy, while a firm hand grabs her shoulder to help. She falls back onto her knees, struggling. She’s having trouble to keep her eyes open. It may well be because of the blood running down the side of her face. She gently runs her fingers to her scalp, trying to get a better idea of the situation. It doesn’t seem life-threatening as for now and all of her thoughts are frozen in fear when she spots Solo’s body, laying a few feet away from her, face down. She misses a heartbeat in sheer panic. Not two. Not him. This is _not_ happening ! Rey practically crawls to the man and rolls him over with two frantic hands, groaning under the effort.

“11-18. We have two men down! I repeat. Two.”

“Snap is gone,” a low voice grunts.

The young woman can barely hear them. She doesn’t even bother to look around to access the current situation. The fire has stopped, leaving an ethereal silence behind. She’s panting like she’s been running a marathon. Her hands are shaky, her vision is unpaired, but something has just clicked inside of her. She can’t think – she just _reacts_. Emergency services only.

Rey unstraps her medical bag and opens the main pocket with a rapid pull. She’s reaching for the most urgent thing on the list, barely breathing anymore. _CABC_. Catastrophic bleeding first. She grabs a black tourniquet and quickly unfold it, before sliding it all the way up to Solo’s right arm. She can see blood already pooling on the ground next to it, not quite sure yet if it’s a bullet wound or something else. But it doesn’t matter. All she needs to do is to stop that blood from leaving his body, fast.

Rey pulls on the black strap with an unsuspected force, earning a faint sound from the man. He seems pretty unresponsive to her, which is quite a bad sign. After turning the windlass to the point it cannot move anymore, she secures everything and tries to re-access the bleeding. It has definitely slowed down, buying her some time to investigate furthermore. She pulls out a black sharpie from the front of her plate carrier and quickly unscrews the top between her teeth. With her other hand, she pulls back Solo’s sticky hair to reveal his forehead.

“Time. I need the time,” she demands in a husky voice.

“2.36”

Writing down the information on his skin, Rey’s scanning the man’s features at the same time. He’s not completely unconscious, but not so much alert either. All his limbs are still attached to him, which is quite a miracle considering he has caught most of the blast from that rocket. But he’s in bad shape, and she needs to know the full extent of his injuries if she wants to act properly.

“How bad ?” asks a worried Merle above her.

“ _Bad_.”

That’s all Rey manages to force out.

“Fuck, man. We need to move.”

“I think I got them good,” rumbles an angry soldier.

“We need to move behind that wall. Grab his legs.”

The two men bend down to get a hold on Solo. Without much care, they quickly drag him across the road and proceed to retreat behind cover. Rey’s not so happy about the treatment, but they were too easy targets on the open. They can’t be completely sure if Palla has neutralized the last threat or if the enemy has called for reinforcements. The IAF was most likely scouting the region, ready to take down rebels or any military forces they’d encounter. Her conversation with Lintra then comes back to her in a spare second, very unwelcome – as Rey realizes she might’ve been their primary target. When you know the elements you’re looking for, it’s not that hard for a trained eye to identify the medic among a group.

Rey desperately tries to ignore the burning pain descending down her chest. She’s not responsible for that, but it surely feels as she is, while her hands are now covered with the blood of these men. Solo was coming back for her. He was covering _her_. He caught that blast for her and that – _that_ is on her, no matter how you want to swing it.

“We need to pull back to rally point.”

With their captain down, Merle steps up to the leader post. He’s running radio communication with the FOB, while the aftermath of the attack unfolds on the scene. Rey hasn’t fully processed the loss of one of their own. She’s filled with adrenaline and terror, yet her mind seems to escape the chaos of the moment to react with practicality. Her vision is so focused on Solo, she almost jumps aside when a sand-fur animal presses against the shape of the man’s body. For a hot minute, she had lost all tracks of Flip, but the dog is now laying next to his master with a weeping sound of worry. She can’t tell if he’s hurt, nor she can do anything about it right now.

“Unit-2, current situation ?”

“ _Location is secured_ ,” answers a voice that might well be Fox’s over the radio canal.

Rey isn’t paying attention to any of that. She grabs a pair of medical scissors and starts cutting into the red-soaked uniform to access the victim. She needs to perform a blood sweep before moving on to the next task. Solo’s right arm has sustained multiple lacerations and is badly injured. For now, the tourniquet is still preventing him from bleeding to death. Rey mentally prepares herself to pack the wounds on her next round. She continues her inventory with shaky hands. Sliding one under the plate carrier, she unstraps some of the Velcro tapes on his side to get better access. She can’t expose him completely while they’re still in combat situation, as it might be a fatal mistake – which makes everything more complicated for her.

More blood promptly stains the blue latex of her gloves; she suspects a fragment from the explosion has lodged itself in his right lower side. This is bad, internal injuries might also lead him to drown in his blood and there is not much she can do about it. She’s not a surgeon. She’s barely an emergency paramedic, blast! – she’s barely not a clueless trainee anymore.

Fighting to keep her internal paralysis away from her at all cost, Rey grabs sterile gauze pads and starts to pack the wound the best she can, just down below the tactical gear protecting his chest. She has rehearsed those specific gestures again and again, and her body memory is as effective as one can expect under such circumstances. So effective that she soon finds herself breathless and laying back on her heels with an overwhelming sense of desperation. Now what?

Airway. That’s right. The young woman finally bends down towards his face, following her check-list. Solo is still semi-conscious, frowning with a pained expression.

“Captain! C’mon, talk to me,” she commands. “Talk to me !”

She doesn’t get much of an answer. Her breathing is scraping off her throat with a burn of smoke. The air around them is still filled with dust and sand, making it difficult to inhale properly. Somehow, Solo manages to let out a loud groan when the young woman presses a hand to his chest in search of any movement. This will do for now. Rey turns to Merle and flinches upwards with a light-headed feeling, as more blood comes running down the side of her face.

“I need medevac like _right now!_ Code Alpha !”

The soldier has his back to her, kneeling in a defensive position with his weapon on hold. He quickly reaches for the radio block strapped to his shoulder and sends out another comm to their tactical base.

“Bay-3, this is 11-18. Request immediate medevac at POI. Alpha casualty. I repeat Alpha casualty. Acknowledge.”

The loud crackle of signal frequencies is painfully registered by the young woman, leaving her restless. Soon enough, an anonymous voice breaks the void and responds to them in short, precisely arranged information. While she keeps her eyes on Solo, Rey can feel herself sinking to the ground with a sudden burst of terror.

“ _11-18, confirmed, on hold. We have no crew available at the moment._ ”

“What the fu – ETA ?” Merle almost barks out.

“ _Fifteen minutes till departure._ ”

“No !” Rey has lashed out an angry cry. “I need that chopper _now_  !”

They’re way too far from the base to wait for an additional fifteen minutes. The situation is already danger-critical and there is no way her captain has to die because of a fucking rescue delay. Her thoughts might be plastered all over her face like a public notice, because the blond soldier doesn’t even bother to ask for more inputs and keeps coming at them with a directive voice.

“Bay-3, we need immediate exfil. Any other bird in the area ?”

“ _11-18, confirm exact location._ ”

Merle quickly shots a glance towards the third man. Posted on the opposite side of them, near the dry-stone wall, Palla gestures a series of silent information.

“Six klics away, north Cratertown. Mountain site.”

“ _We can divert a returning pilot. No escort. Acknowledge._ ”

“I’ll take it !” Rey decides instantly.

Merle gives her a solemn nod of approval.

“Bay-3, send lonely bird. Our medic flying in. Confirm.”

“ _11-18, confirmed. Sending single chopper to your location._ ”

“Roger that. HLZ will be secured. Watch out for purple smoke !”

 

**

 

“C’mon! Stay awake! You gotta stay awake, Captain !”

Rey’s finishing pushing an IV into his left arm, trying to keep his pressure from crashing down. He needs blood asap, but she has no unit on hands, only saline fluids. The chopper was coming back from a lift run at Reestkii’s hospital, transferring patients. Therefore, there is no team on board except for her two pilots, and no supplies. Despair is starting to crawl back to her rapidly.

“Are we close ?”

Despite her set of headphones, Rey has to yell to cover the loud rotor’s sound of the flying engine.

“ETA eight minutes,” answers the pilot’s voice.

 _“Fuck_. Fly low, he needs oxygen! Captain, listen to me! Keep your eyes open. Stay with me, Ben. Ben, stay with me! I got you. I promise.”

Her voice cracks as she lets out his name without even realizing it. She’s doing everything she can to keep him conscious but the situation is slipping out of her hands fast. At this point, those eight minutes might prove to be way too long for him.

“Don’t die on me, fucking asshole. Ben! _Please_. Listen to me, Ben. Stay here, you’re not alone !”

She can see him struggling more and more by the second. The man is showing clear signs of respiratory distress, fighting as much as his body can endure. Rey quickly bends down over his naked chest and presses a hand to his skin, trying to be sure. There is no such thing as listening for breathing sounds in a moving helicopter, which makes everything harder for posing a diagnosis. If she’s not sure, she might do something very dangerous. She might even harm him. The stress building upon her is threatening to crush her into the black, but she can’t possibly wait any longer. He cannot wait.

Solo is struggling to breathe badly, gasping for air like he’s drowning. Rey _has_ to be sure.

“OK. Fuck. OK,” she repeats to herself in a trembling voice. “You can do this. Get your shit together, bitch.”

 _“What_  ?”

“Nothing! And fly your thing like, _smooth_  !”

Reaching down, she quickly grabs a syringe and pushes a dose of Ketamine to his shoulder. Before she can allow herself to think of the terror raging under her mind, Rey pulls out a long needle and places a hand down the side of his torso. She only did that twice, and it was on a training dummy. But now, her captain is seconds away from passing out from hypoxia and there is no time for second-guessing.

“Find the fifth intercostal. Restore positive pressure. Don’t kill the man. Please, don’t let me kill the man.”

“What are you _even_ doing ?” someone yells through her headphones.

Rey doesn’t bother to answer.

“C’mon, I got you, Ben.”

She presses the needle into the soft skin of her captain without breathing. It feels like her own heartbeat has stopped while she’s inserting it. With a hand to his torso, Rey’s trying to determine if she’s caught the pneumothorax and not an arterial. Almost immediately, his chest begins to rise and the young woman lets out a puzzling sound of deep relief. It’s not long before Solo starts to show some signs of improvement, able to breathe on his own again.

Rey places a hand on his burning forehead, on a weirdly intimate gesture. She’s not positively sure if she’s meant to reassure him or rather herself. Her heart’s still pounding loudly on her chest, and sweat’s dripping down her back. She might have lost all colors by now, but she keeps her hands from shaking in fear, pushing down everything to focus on the only thing that matters right now. _Emergency services only_. She needs to keep him alive, just a little longer for someone more capable to take over. Rey hopes that Connix is on call at the hospital. Damn, she needs her badly. She needs the surgeon to fix her captain because there is _no_ _way_ this man is going to die on her watch. She’s too involved with him, this is personal now. Fuck him, fuck his ‘don’t get personal’. Of course, it is!

“Ben, stay with me !”

His tension is running dangerously low on the monitor.

“Just breathe slow and steady. We’re almost here. You’re doing great, stay awake for me.”

“ETA three minutes.”

“Copy that. Ben! C’mon Ben, open your eyes.”

And then, he does. Rey finds herself staring directly into his brown eyes, like everything else has been put on hold around her. Her mind is dizzy, unresponsive. She sucks in a sharp, painful breath. She can’t even hear the pilot anymore. Maybe it’s because she’s starting to lose too much blood to stay focused herself, her hair soaking wet to the side of her face and dripping down her neck. Or maybe it’s something else. A connection she hasn’t felt with anyone else ever on her entire life. _Something_. To him.

Her hand falls until she finds his. She squeezes it, just to let him know he’s not alone. And he squeezes back, clenching his long fingers around hers with more force she would’ve thought possible. At this moment, Rey actually starts to believe he will make it. There is no other option because she _cannot_ lose him like that. _This_ is her mission. She feels it now, she has the answer. This is it. This is him. Ben Solo is the one piece that makes everything fall into place, and if he makes it – if she can save him, then she will continue on this path for the rest of her life. Be the best medic she can be to keep as many as possible from jumping out.

She will stand on that cliff with all of them and drag them from the darkness.

Starting with this one.

“ETA base, one minute. Bay-3, this is Black Leader, stand by for medevac arrival.”

 

\--

 

NOTES:

 **RPG** : Rocket-Propelled Grenade  
**ETA** : Estimated Time of Arrival  
**POI** : Point of Impact  
**HLZ** : Helicopter Landing Zone  
  
Did I miss something else? Hope you liked it, that was a lot of work! You can sue me for emotional distress on [twitter](https://twitter.com/codeblackspace) ;) xxx

 


	7. It Was a Good Pick

  **CHAPTER SEVEN**

 

—  _6 months later —_

 

“Did you get it ?”

“Yes, I got it,” Rey chuckles sarcastically. “You sent me like _five_ texts about it.”

“Sorry,” Merle grins at her. “You were the last one to embark. It’s not like we can just drop by the local Wookiemart, yeah ?”

The young woman lets out a mocking sound and waves the small bottle of liquid honey she was tasked to purchase so relentlessly. Thankfully, it survived the flight to Jakku without spilling all over her personal belongings. Upon initial inspection at the aircraft base, she almost thought the officer in charge was about to trash it from her bag. She had earned a weird look from him, but the man might as well have thought Rey was a fervent honey lover. It couldn’t possibly be the most unusual thing soldiers had packed with them, though she was still unsure of its final purpose.

“Finn said something about a _cake_ …,” she trails off curiously. “Do I need to get concerned ?”

“Only if you intend to eat it.”

“Sounds interesting,” Rey jokes lightly. “You want me to get my medic bag with that ?”

The two of them continue walking through Niima Outpost in the shadows of the moonless night. Harsh spotlights are operating at the outer edge of the main wall, mainly for surveillance purposes – providing them with some light to move around. As they pass the familiar settlement of green-army tents and wooden facilities, Rey can’t help but feel some sense of security warming her insides. How _weird_. She can’t deny the place has become some sort of emotional home to her during the past six months. She was on the other side of the world, just a few days ago – presumably safe and sound – and all she could think about during that time was her overwhelming desire to return to the hot sand desert of Jakku, lodged in the middle of a burning battlefield. Is it some sort of masochism?

Truth is, Rey was eager to be reunited with her squad. She didn’t miss the sleepless nights and the physical discomfort, but the men – she _did_ miss the men more than anything in her life. This was her life now. They were her family. All of them.

Except for one, maybe.

“How was your leave ?”

“Nothing special,” she shrugs. “I just… slept a lot.”

“For _two_ weeks ?” mocks Merle.

“Yes, what’s your problem with that ?” she defends herself. “What did you do anyway ?”

“You know, kids, wife. Her fucking dad pressing my balls all the time. The usual.”

“I see.”

She doesn’t really see, but she can try to imagine. Merle has already complained about the old man on numerous occasions, providing them with many unnecessary details of his conjugal life. Even though, it still sounds better to Rey than going back to an empty house. Or in her case – no house at all, but she’s still too embarrassed to talk about it openly. She likes to avoid the subject as much as she can. Plus, it doesn’t matter now that she’s back.

The pair finally reaches the dedicated tent of the Crazy Dogs and they’re _busy_. On the outside, five big men in brown uniforms are gathered around one of the home-made wooden picnic tables. Intrigued, Rey walks to them naturally and earns a few smiles in return. Upon her arrival, Finn rises from his crouched position and opens his arms with a rapid exclamation.

“Great! Do you have it ?”

“What are you doing ?” Rey asks. “Is this… ?”

“Rice cakes, peanut butter cookies, a few crackers on top and we need a dressing to glue everything together,” her friend proudly explains with a grin.

“It looks absolutely _disgusting_ ,” the young woman winces, eyeing their monstrous creation.

Apparently, the soldiers are pretty happy with themselves. She tosses the honey bottle to Finn, who catches it quickly before returning to his engineering disaster. No wonder he’s in charge of that mess. Hands on her waist, Rey watches him proceed and bites her lip to refrain from more sarcastic comments.

“Hurry up,” Palla says. “He might be finished.”

The young woman gives a quick look around, scanning for the presence of their sergeant.

“He’ll never eat _that_ ,” she laughs while trying to picture the scene in her mind.

“Well, if he’s not eating it, it’s going to his face !” concludes Merle with a childish expression.

Fox might want to bite the bullet then, just so he doesn’t find a sticky honey peanut butter rice crackers hybrid horror in his beard for days. So much for a birthday cake. They don’t lie when they tell you the army life is dangerous.

“Shit, he’s coming !”

Adding the finishing touches to their art, Finn grabs a lighter for the two sloppy candles he just smashed on top of the beast. They‘ve been bent by the excessive heat of the country, and stand awkwardly on the so-called cake. But they’re here. Quickly, the men – and the woman – turn around to welcome their comrade. Fox is walking to them unsuspecting, only half-dressed, his copper hair still damp from the shower. He’s fidgeting a towel in his hands and Rey takes a look at the stitches she’d done three weeks ago on his rib cage, unable to completely shut off her medic mode. Another one of their lucky missions.

Upon seeing them around the little table like a group of misbehaving teenagers, Fox frowns with a half-smile.

“What are you doing ?”

“We got you something,” Merle says.

“Oh, fuck me.”

Smart reaction. Rey smiles eagerly and watches as the man takes in the full beauty of his present. He genuinely looks like he’s trying not to get offended and it’s the funniest thing on Earth. Finn then lifts the white plastic plate in front of him, openly mocking his sergeant. Everyone is expectantly waiting. Fox has no choice but to blow the candles off. One of them falls from the top of the cake while they’re giving him an obligatory ‘happy birthday’ song treatment, as if things couldn’t get better – or worse, depending on your mood. Fox looks like he’s already plotting revenge in his mind but smiles at them, with a grimace of resignation.

“Now you have to eat it, yeah ?”

For a mere second, Rey thought he was going to back off but the man proves her wrong. With a deadly stare, Fox bites into the interesting mix, as wide as his mouth can open. It’s a big mess, as one could expect, things running down his chin and between his fingers. He might want to take another shower after that, but everyone is cheering for him with a good laugh.

“It’s not that bad,” he says with a sarcastic tone. “I’m gonna send you to the kitchen, Flash.”

“The Alliance, dead from diabetes,” Rey sneers at him. “Glorious.”

“Don’t be a smartass, Rigel. Here, c’mon !”

“Don’t even think about it !”

Rey quickly takes a step back, hands up in front of her. A devilish grin appears on Fox’s face, just before he tries to reach for her. She grunts in horror and it’s not long before she’s running away – the man behind her, to heartily share his _present_. He catches up on her just a few meters away without much trouble and swings an arm around her waist to stop her. The young woman is almost lifted from the ground while laughing between vehement protestations.

“Open up, sunshine !”

“No, no, no, _no_  !”

Before she can protest some more, Rey earns a sticky piece of _something_ half across her mouth, half across her right cheek. She breaks free from Fox’s arm and bends over to let the mess falls back to the ground, with nothing to wipe her face. Fighting to breathe while she laughs more than she can speak, Rey shots him a threatening look anyway. But the deed is done, and she now too needs a good clean up to get rid of the evidence.

“That’s disgusting,” she finally argues back, a taste of honey on her lips. “You could’ve aimed better !”

“Yeah, that’s what she said.”

Upon hearing the dubious conversation, two soldiers walking by break into laughter and their gazes linger on Rey more than was necessary. Therefore, she’s not utterly surprised to earn a suggestive whistle from one of them.

“Looking good, babe! I could lick you clean.”

Rey isn’t moved or impressed in the slightest by that poor pick-up line, eyeing the guy with a stone-cold face. It’s not the first time she received such _charming_ treatment on the base, just because she’s a woman lost in a men’s world. But it usually happens when she’s hanging out with Rose, and surely not in front of her squad. Because if it did, she might’ve had a preview of the present moment.

Without not even a warning, Fox extends a muscular arm to block their way out, stopping the man dead on his tracks.

“Who said you could talk to her ?” he barks out angrily.

“Fucking chill, asshole! She’s your girl or something ?”

Oh, hell. With Fox not wearing anything but his pants, the man has no idea he’s talking to a senior officer. But Rey can tell her unlucky admirer is not ranked, and given his sudden hostility, this conversation might take a very unpleasant turn for him. A part of her is undoubtedly tempted to let it unfold, but it’s probably not the wisest choice. Instead, she sighs and tries to dissipate the situation.

“Let it go,” she asks Fox. “Just a dumb move.”

Maybe that guy didn’t like her choice of words, or maybe he’s just eager for a dick contest. Whatever the reason, he’s now sporting a very hostile behavior towards Fox and Rey starts to wonder if he didn’t get too much sand up his brain lately. Granted the sergeant doesn’t appear to be an imposing man at first, compared to some of the specimens they have in stock – named Merle or Finn. He’s reasonably tall and somewhat dry, but Rey has seen him in action. Those biceps are deadly efficient and she does not doubt as to whom would get his face beaten to the ground tonight. And that pompous idiot might as well be just in time for a demonstration.

“Yeah, let it go,” he repeats with an uptight voice. “Because-”

Before he can finish his sentence, Fox deflects the arm the man is tentatively extending towards him. With a quick move, he slides the palm of his hand under the man’s chin and turns him around, choking him in the crook of his arm, secured in a tight embrace. Despite his attempts, there is no way this guy might be able to break free from the steel grab. Fox has him completely trapped and helpless, his choking arm locked in place by a flex of the other. And now, he’s dragging the poor soldier with him, boots screeching in the sand.

His victim takes a few steps back to follow the movement, struggling to stay on his feet and unable to speak a damn sound. It takes of few moments for Rey to realize what the sergeant is doing. But somehow, he spins the man with him once again, forcing him to face the direction of the compound’s inner wall. In the distance, between loads of equipment and infrastructures, a particular wooden board is visible, mounted under the cold light of the security spotlight.

“You can read, uh ?” Fox grunts out. “Look! What does it say, dickhead? Let me help! _Home… of… the Crazy Dogs_ , that’s right! And guess what? You just found ‘em! Congrats !”

And then, he barks at him. _Actually_ barks. Like an angry dog. Rey’s so shocked she can’t even react. No one even thinks to laugh at him because, in all honesty, he looks quite terrifying at the moment. Meanwhile, the rest of the group has come to gather around them, accessing the situation carefully. The numeric advantage has just shifted in the balance and the other nameless soldier is in no hurry to rescue his friend, simply standing by with a cautious attitude.

“You touch her, I’ll break your fucking neck.”

With that final warning, Fox decides to free the man at last, sending him back towards his comrade to catch his breath. Merle waves an arm at them, a little smile plastered on his face.

“Move on, scum boy.”

They don’t need to be told twice. As the two men quickly resume their way without looking back – presumably to their own tent, Rey crosses her arms over her chest and tilts her head, looking at Fox.

“My _hero_ ,” she says with a clear sarcasm. “That was completely unnecessary.”

He smiles at her without an ounce of remorse, still wiping his beard from before like nothing happened.

“I know. I just love being a dick.”

“Figure !”

Rey laughs with them, recognizing that comforting sensation rising in her chest. It’s been like that for a while now – since Cratertown. Since she jumped on that chopper to bring back Captain Solo to the base. Turned out Poe Dameron was one of her pilots that day, and Rey has learned that the man talks a _lot_. It wasn’t long before her name was going around Niima Outpost with some crazy story about how she had saved the squad’s captain. Not like she needed to convince anyone, since he was effectively still alive. But she was under the impression her bravery was vastly exaggerated by Poe in the process. Nonetheless, it was all it took for her unit to fully accept her, as an equal, as a friend and – as she quickly learned – as someone they very much like to protect. Sometimes, it’s almost a game to them; other times, they are deadly serious. Rey has never experienced something like that in her entire life. Those men aren’t just part of her unit, they’re her brothers and she trusts them with her life.

After Cratertown, they have run a few more missions under different commands, and a few things have gone bad along the way – _really_ bad at some points. But it was different. Mainly because she was not afraid anymore to be there, with them. She learned a lot during those six months. She gained confidence in herself, and in her skills as a combat medic.

The only thing missing through all that was Solo.

She still wishes she would’ve come to see him, but it felt inappropriate for her to do so. She couldn’t pretend to travel to Chandrila by accident, and she doesn’t know what she would’ve done there. Fox and Merle went to visit him once during their previous leave, right around the time he was released from the military hospital to pursue his convalescence at home. Rey had been told he’d make a full recovery, for which she was grateful, but she would’ve enjoyed to see it for herself.

She can’t close her eyes anymore without thinking about him at night, about _that_ moment. About the way he held her hand till someone forced them to let go. But Rey was still holding on.

Even now, she’s still holding on to him. Ben Solo is still somewhere on her thoughts, and it’s an eerie feeling to walk around someone’s house without seeing their ghost. Does he remember what happened that day? Does he remember she was there with him? Maybe it’s best for Rey not to have answers to those questions, because she might find herself very disappointed.

 

 

**

 

“What do you mean _cute_  ?”

“Listen… It’s just what I’ve heard,” Rey says with a small laugh.

“Alright, but how did he say it ?” Rose insists seriously. “Like, ‘oh yeah, she’s cute whatever’ like puppy cute or… you know. ‘She’s cute _cute_ ’, I would hit that cute ?”

As she speaks, the mechanic distractedly waves a pen in front of her, her other hand clenched around an used clipboard. Rey has found her in the middle of inventory, inside one of the main aircraft hangars. The heat under the sheet metal is almost unbearable, after boiling up for most of the day. Both the extremities of the structure are left wide open, in a desperate attempt to cool down the temperature during the night. With the descending sun drifting over the edge of the wall, a dark shade of red light is spreading through the sky. The last remains of sunlight are projecting a strong shadow on the grey tarmac, with a distinctive odor floating in the air.

“I’m pretty sure he wasn’t comparing you to a puppy,” Rey smiles, hands crossed over the edge of a metallic cart.

Her friend turns around and raises an eyebrow, causing her fringe of black hair to move a little.

“So… we’re talking about banging cute ?”

“I thought you find him annoying anyway ?” she gently teases.

“I mean, _yes_ , he’s annoying. But he’s also kinda… hot. And I haven’t had a good fuck in forever.”

Rey can’t help but laugh at her bluntness. This conversation is really going places.

“Right, so this is purely sexual. No feelings or whatever,” she pursues with a piercing look. “ _None_.”

“Girl, I have a reputation, alright? Homeboy might be hot but he’s still one of your dogs, I’m not falling for _that_.”

“I’m one of the dogs,” Rey points out defensively. “And you’re still my friend.”

“That’s different. You’re not a douche.”

“Who’s a douche ?”

The orange suit passing by with a helmet under its arm turns out to be Poe Dameron. The pilot looks like he’s about to go on a flight, but he still shots a warm smile towards the two women while walking backward. It’s uncanny how this man always seems in a good mood, no matter the odds, which is a real achievement in the neighborhood. Rey has grown to like him without much effort.

“Finn,” Rose explains with a loud voice.

“Oh yeah, definitely !”

Just like that, he turns around on his heels and jogs towards the end of the hangar to reach his chopper. Rey spreads her arms aside, astonished, as she tries to defend Finn’s honor.

“Alright, I’m just saying… He’s the less douchy of the pack.”

“Yeah, right !” Rose snorts with laughter. “Not that impressive when you got Fox as a top reference! Everyone is less douchy than that. He’s like… an angry German Sheperd bully.”

“Oh yeah, and what I am then ?”

“You’re more like… a nice Mudi.”

Rey is just about to say she has no idea what the breed looks like when a familiar face stops her from doing so. She stands up straight and spares a double-take, a little hesitant. Soon enough, she recognizes the woman walking against the dying light. Her dark blond hair attached behind her head, Tallissan Lintra is wearing a relaxed version of the regulation uniform. Rey can spot the shiny pieces of metal dangling around her neck, over a brown t-shirt. She's carrying a big traveling bag on her shoulder, and a handgun is attached at her belt.

Moving across with a quick pace, the lieutenant seems to notice Rey's presence and a flash of recognition marks her features almost instantly. She unexpectedly slows down in front of them, as if she wants to make conversation.

“Lieutenant Lintra,” the young woman salutes, imitated by Rose.

“At ease,” she casually asks. “Rigel, isn’t it ?”

“Yes.”

“Right…,” she recalls with a noticeable enough tone that sounds a bit off. “Kylo likes his stars.”

“What ?” Rey blinks confusedly.

The woman dismisses the question with a small head shake, her piercing blue eyes fixed on Rey attentively.

“Nevermind.” She pauses. “You must be glad to get your captain back.”

Upon hearing that, the young medic frowns in surprise, completely thrown off guard by the information.

“Oh, you didn’t know ?” Lintra then realizes. “I thought he told you guys.”

“He’s _here_  ?”

Rey has to still herself, lips parted in silence, almost embarrassed by her own reaction. She doesn’t want to appear inappropriate in any way in front of Lintra, but she’s having some trouble processing all of her feelings at once. Her heartbeat has quicken on his own accord as she imagines Solo passing the entrance gates to set a foot on the operating base once again.

“Yes,” Lintra concludes with a shift on her stance. “I was just passing by to see him before I go back to Cratertown. It’s nice having him around again. But I’m sure he’ll catch up soon enough with you. Stay alive in the meantime.”

The blonde woman gives her a last friendly smile and resumes her way, leaving to catch a departing flight. Apparently, there is quite a traffic going on around the supply line those days, but Rey can’t be bothered to think about any of that right now. She’s busy with other self-centered, egoistic concerns. When did Solo arrive? Why didn’t he say something? Well, he clearly sent words. Just not to _her_. And why does that hurt?

“The fuck? What was that ?” Rose finally lets out.

Rey tries to acknowledge her friend as best as she can, still dazed.

“What ?”

“Her, rubbing it in your face ?”

“What are you talking about ?”

Rose abruptly slaps her clipboard on one of the shelves with a loud metallic sound, pressing a hand to her hip.

“Woman, are you blind? She was telling you to back off !”

“Back off of _what_  ?”

Rey’s not sure why her friend seems so irritated all of the sudden.

“Oh dude, you’re not picking up the signal here.”

“Clearly, I’m not! And I didn’t know Solo was coming back today.”

“Well, she sure was aware,” Rose insists with a conniving nod. “Looks like she doesn’t want to share the man with you. Are they a thing or something ?”

“I have no idea, and I don’t care.”

“Sure, you don’t,” she snorts once more.

“What does that mean ?”

Now, Rey’s beginning to feel the heat reaching her face and it has nothing to do with the temperature. Thankfully, her skin’s already too irritated by the harsh climate to give anything away. But Rose doesn’t appear in need of anymore clue, and it’s frankly a mystery to Rey as to why her friend is so convinced she’s having a secret… _whatever_ for her CO. Because she doesn’t.

“You’re just pretending you don’t want to run over to see where’s your captain at,” the petite woman pursues.

“Shut up. I’m not.”

“Oh yeah ?” Rose crosses her arms slowly, tilting her chin up. “So you don’t mind helping me with that inventory? We can stay here for hours, you sure ?”

Rey presses her lips together in a tight line, intensively thinking. She doesn’t want to fall for that, but her resolve is already fading away. Maybe she should get a hold on Merle first, testing the waters. He’s probably aware of what’s going on, right? It sounds way more reasonable. Breathing in slowly, Rey has herself almost convinced. But the shiver in her chest suddenly gives in without warning.

“Alright, suck it! I’m just gonna go.”

“That's what I thought ! Go get him, run !”

She’s already jogging her way out and spins around to face Rose, waving an arm at her.

“Shut up !”

“This is aggressive competition, girl !” Rose screams back. “You can do it !”

This is definitely _not_ a competition. Rey isn’t interested to interfere between Lintra and Solo, whatever is going on between the two of them. It doesn’t concerned her, it’s a private matter. But what she’s concerned with is to see with her own eyes how her captain is doing. She hasn’t seen the man in six months, and his mental image is yet burning behind her lids, flash of memories dancing between traumatic thoughts. She can almost feel the heat of his chest under her trembling fingers again, the pressure of her hand while she was inserting that needle between his ribs. Something heavy lingers on her shoulders, closing her throat.

Even if she was to live a hundred lives, she couldn’t possibly forget the way his eyes met hers during that flight.

Shortly after her parents disappeared without leaving a trace, and between her chaotic visits in and out of the system, Rey eventually spent a short time with one of her first caregivers. The old wrinkled woman was certainly the nicest she had encountered from her fosters. Looking back at it, Rey probably should’ve stayed longer with her. But at the time, she was too young and far too broken to understand, let alone appreciate what strangers were trying to do for her. She thought she was better off running away, alone, as it was her own twisted idea of safety. But **s** he never forgot that woman. She used to say that if you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people.

But Rey had never seen Solo’s eyes in anyone else, and it almost burnt her soul.

The young woman breaks her run while reaching the housing quarters, catching her breath slowly in the heat of a lazy sunset. She finds herself in need of some calming thoughts. She’s not even sure where to look for. She automatically went for the officers’ CHU, but maybe he’s not here. Maybe he’s busy. Maybe he doesn’t want to see her.

Rey suddenly doubts her impulsive reaction. It might be better to just go on with her life until she’s faced with him again, somewhere down the line of her next mission. The guys should know about that, right? But what if he’s not coming back to them any time soon? The base is big enough for them not to run into each other inadvertently, depending on their schedules. She can’t possibly take that for days, let alone _weeks_. Plus, this is stupid. She simply wants to check on him, no harm in that. She’ll just say hello and take off.

But maybe she should’ve come to visit sooner. Maybe she should’ve gone with Merle and Fox. Was it insensitive of her?

Rey is way too nervous for her own sake. It’s _ridiculous_. The young woman is just about to scold herself when a particular sand-fur animal catches her full attention. Through the open door of a small dormitory box, Flip is pacing in and out, waving his tail and humming the air occasionally. He’s still wearing his full harness on his back, and might not have been here for too long. If Rey wanted to locate Solo, she now knows exactly where's the man at.

Before she can think about it, she’s reaching for the dog with a friendly open palm. Flip has seen her coming from afar and waits for her outside on his four. The animal seems to remember her, because he pushes against her hand for some scratches, eagerly celebrating her arrival. It helps Rey to calm her nerves just a little, despite her heartbeat loudly pounding in her chest to the point it hurts. The young woman takes another step forward and knocks on the wooden wall with some reluctance.

“Yeah, come on in,” a low voice grunts from the inside. “Flip !”

Finally turning around, Solo takes notice of his visitor and stops his rumbling. Inside the small dark room, the man was likely busy organizing his belongings. He puts down a military bag and stands up, reminding Rey just how tall he really is next to her. Before she knows it, she’s detailing him like a worried mother. But she needs to _know_. Is he okay? Is he in pain? Is he the same as before? It might be impolite, but she doesn’t exactly care. Upon completing her first assessment, she lets herself take another breath. He seems fine.

His black hair is trimmed shorter above the edge of his jawline, his face shaved clean, causing him to look somehow younger. She gazes upon the familiar scar on his right cheek with a weird emotional appreciation. It’s still the same man after all and she’s _glad_. Rey finally quits her rude staring, as embarrassment crawls back to her.

“Sir.”

“Rigel.”

His voice sounds unnecessary meaningful. Rey searches for something to say, suddenly very self-conscious of her attitude.

“I was just…,” she tries to sound casual. “I saw Lieutenant Lintra on the runway. She told me you were back.”

“I’m sure she did.”

Rey parts her lips slightly, a little confused frown on her forehead. Was that sarcasm? She has so much trouble reading this man, still. She swallows awkwardly in front of him, fighting to not lower her eyes while she talks to him.

“I just wanted to… I’m glad you’re back,” she manages to articulate at last.

“You’ve missed being yelled at, haven’t you ?”

Surprised, Rey finally notices the mocking smile lightly tucking the corner of his mouth upwards. The tension in her neck then starts to relax. She feels herself breathing more easily, despite the wrecking anxiety in her stomach.

“You look good.”

Okay. Maybe _that_ was out of place. She can’t tell anymore at this point. The young woman has a hard time picking up the cue when it comes to Captain Solo, even more since she had to wash his blood from her hands. Something like that usually tends to bind people together, but maybe not that much. She can’t forget she’s still talking to her superior, and he’s not Fox.

Like he was sensing her thoughts, Solo takes a few steps to close the distance between them and crosses his arms on his massive chest.

“Fox told me you were doing a good job around here while I was gone.”

Rey blinks a few times, forced to tilt her head up to match his height.

“He did ?” she asks in all innocence.

Solo silently nods and props himself on the door frame. So close to him, Rey can now smell the scent of his cologne – something she never smelled before. It’s not like you pay much attention to such grooming when you’re about to risk your life on a battlefield. But this freshly deployed Solo is less of a rough carving of himself and smells like a wood trail, raw and noble. That's… disorienting to her.

“You’ve got him on your side,” he notes with a little crooked smile. “It’s quite impressive.”

“I’m just trying to do my job, Sir.”

“I knew you would.”

He’s not smiling anymore while talking and Rey has stopped to register the weight of Flip pressing on her legs for attention. She can surely blame the desert heat for everything going on right now, her face burning unpleasantly.

“You’re taking back the squad, right ?” she asks – _begs_ – before she can hear herself out. “I mean… Not like… Major Brance is a good CO, it’s just… not…”

She shuts her mouth as fast as she can. _Good job, Rey._

“Not what ?”

Solo is watching her closely, expecting an answer from her.

“Not you.”

“Funny you’d say that, Rigel. Because I remember you calling me… what was that… a _fucking asshole_.”

All of her colors must’ve been drained from her face just like that. Rey stares at him in complete horror, biting her lips.

“That’s not… I was… You know !”

After a mere second of agony, Solo finally breaks a laughter, his chest rising a little under his arms.

“Relax, I’m just joking.”

The young woman squints with an offended expression. Soon enough, her mind is yet racing to deeper layers of her subconscious. Something in her is restless, to the point she might wish she’d stayed with Rose. Behind her back, the sun has fully disappeared across the horizon and crimson skies are casting heavy shadows on Solo’s face. Somehow, his brown eyes still shine in the rising darkness. Rey searches into them for an answer to something she hasn’t asked yet, but she can’t win that game with him and she's painfully aware of it.

“You do remember then,” she says with a barely audible voice.

“Oh, I do.”

Why does it sound so pleasant, yet so hurtful? She can almost hear him breathe in front of her. If she’d raise an arm, she could reach for him. But why would she do that? It’s absurd. Her concern for him is crossing all the lines at this point and she better gets a grip on herself _fast_. This is not an appropriate behavior. Why is she so affected?

Maybe because it’s coming from her captain. Maybe because when he speaks his next words, he looks at her with the eyes of a man who has lived a hundred lives.

“I remember you saved my life.”

“I’m glad I did,” Rey finally murmurs under her breath.

This is a weird day. Was Lintra trying to imply something earlier? She can’t even possibly agree on that.

“Now if you don’t mind… I need to unpack before I can go back to being an asshole to you.”

“Right, sorry.”

Gathering herself with a sigh of relief, the young woman finally turns around to leave. She intends to run back to Rose and never talk about that ever again. Or maybe she might hide somewhere until her feelings are under her control again. Whatever she does, she does _not_ want to see the other guys. It would be so humiliating if one of them would come to notice something – _anything_. The idea sounds horrible.

“Rigel,” Solo calls after her. “Don’t let it go to your head, but I’m glad I picked you.”

 

__

 

NOTES: what do we think guys? :) I hope you're happy with the timeline! Join me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/codeblackspace) for more nonsense! xxx


	8. Code: Yellow Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are! Funny story, I had like a revelation last night about the direction of my plot and I found something even better to do story wise, so I changed all my plans and my original outline (which is now useless haha)!  
> Also, I made a new moodboard just because I can I guess? :) I saw a lot of people like to do that, so I thought it was fun!  
> I really hope you'll like it and I'm *super* excited for what's to come, happy reading guys!! xxx

  **CHAPTER EIGHT**

 

The last few days at Niima Outpost have been strange.

With Solo’s return, Rey had prepared herself to be transferred under his command again, but the order was late to come. Yet, her unit wasn’t officially affected under Major Brance anymore since their last leave, making them some sort of lone rangers. Outsiders standing by, in their own castle of sand. They had the luxury to come and go and manage their days as they pleased for the remaining time, while waiting for new orders. Rey had taken upon herself to land a hand at the hospital, since she knew they could gladly use it. It was also for her own benefit, as she was trying to learn as much as she could from Connix and the other doctors there. She was feeling a bit better about herself, now that she was capable to stand in that room without wailing at the sight of blood.

But she still couldn’t keep her mind from going to strange places.

The dogs, on the other hand, were _thrilled_ to have their captain back in town. Six months prior, Rey didn’t have much time to analyze their dynamic before all went downhill on them. But now, after she had seen them with another CO, after she had grown to know them personally, she could see the indisputable difference. She could see the deference and the devotion they had for Solo – it was something else, something very personal. They would put themselves in the line of fire for the man, no questions asked, and maybe – just _maybe_ – she was starting to understand them.

They spoke about Snap just once, all together. Talking about grief isn’t such a popular thing among soldiers, most of them think it made them look weak, or unfit to the task. Rey wasn’t so good at that herself but they all gathered on Solo’s order to remember their fallen brother. It was something important she thought, one last goodbye – as a family. Rey had been deeply affected by his death even if she wouldn’t say so, still waking up in the middle of the night with painful memories and a cold sweat. Wet tears came running down her face while she cried in silence, sat next to Finn, a beer in hand. She had earned a hug from Merle that night, and they all paid their last homage to Temmin Wexley, killed in action for a war he would never see the end of.

Maybe none of them would.

It's hard sometimes to be able to balance that gravity, that dreadfulness anxiety for the state of their world with the day-to-day life on the base. Inside those walls, Rey has found another world of her own. This is home now, and people are laughing, joking, loving – _fucking_ she might add – just as much as anywhere else. Of course, fraternization is strictly forbidden under the same chain of command, but the base is big enough to provide alternatives to that problem; not that she really cares for herself.

Rey isn’t a needy person, she isn’t the kind to long for physical contact – not even for things as innocent as friendly arms. She might hug people because it's nice sometimes, but she doesn’t _need_ to. Maybe she has gone too many years without anyone to look after her, maybe something is broken inside her from the coldness of her childhood. She has never thought about that too much because it doesn’t matter to her. But the army life is something different.

Here, everyone is close to her, no matter if she wants it or not. There is no such thing as privacy or space, or even cold feet. They're all together in this, and they _have_ to be close to survive. Naturally, Rey has done what she does best: she has adapted to her new environment. She has warmed herself to those men, she has grown close to them, let them close to _her_. And suddenly, the things she didn’t need were outlined like a hole in her chest. One of she could almost see the shape, scaring her out of her mind because she has no words for it. She doesn’t know what she misses, but she can feel it nagging at her soul.

 _Strange days_ , she thinks to herself.

One thing the military loves to do during their free time is working out. They have a whole set of home-made equipment for that, lifting bags of sand, tracking gigantic tires – a whole engineering out in the open to stay fit, or to show off at occasion. And there she was, just two days before, walking back from the hospital across the compound, just to find herself helplessly looking at Solo doing traction above the ground on one of the iron barres.

The man is _shredded_ , she knows it first hand. But it's quite different having him laying on the floor in a pool of blood, and seeing him working his muscles like a war machine, skin shiny with sweat and hair half tied back. She had stopped dead on her feet like a stupid teenager, thankful he couldn’t see her. Eyes fixed on his massive frame, Rey had to take in the sight of black ink running between his shoulder blades. Tattoos are quite common around here, but she had never seen his. The design was intricate, sharp. The Alliance symbol was at the center of it, cradled by other iconography she wasn’t too familiar with. A series of numbers down his neck in a bold Gothic style, 11-18 – the calling of their unit. With each traction sending him upward in the air, growling under the effort, the muscles of his back were causing a distinctive quote to move on his skin. _Sic itur ad astra_. Rey has no idea what it means and she's still thinking about it, two days later, laying wide-awake in her bed. She could search an answer to that question if she had a laptop on hand. Maybe she will. More importantly, she's still thinking about… just him in general.

Very weird days indeed.

 

**

 

Rey is late to the briefing; this is not a good look. She hates to be late to anything, but especially when Captain Solo is involved. She had a rough night at the hospital, assisting Connix on a late shift and ending up in the middle of an OR because they were short on nurses. It wasn’t the most gratifying job, counting gazes and cleaning scalpels, but someone had to do it for them to function and Rey has always known no job is above or below her. She just does what needs to be done and doesn’t complain.

Alas, waking up was very painful this morning. She isn’t _that_ late, but when she finally puts a foot inside the designated area, she knows she’s the last one. Assembled in one of the indoor meeting rooms used by personnel to share military intel, the men turn to her – all ten of them. The young woman then braces herself for the inevitable.

“Nice of you to bless us with your presence,” Solo says with a cold, irritated voice.

Rey doesn’t bother to explain the situation and humbles herself.

“Sorry, Sir.”

She quickly reaches for the closest seat available, sinking as low as she possibly can, right next to Fox on the last row of folding chairs. The sergeant gives her a playful grin, leaning on his shoulder towards her, arms crossed on his chest.

“Nice job, sunshine,” he mutters sarcastically.

Before she can reply, Solo slaps a heavy hand on the front table, causing her to tense even more.

“Shut your goddam mouth, Fox !”

“Yes, _Sir,_ ” the man growls back.

This seems like serious business. In front of the squad, Solo resumes his speech. There is no window to this room, and the only source of light is provided by a white neon above their heads and the reflection of a laptop screen. Several photos and documents are pinned to the whiteboard behind the man – aerial views for the major part, probably from satellite surveillance.

“Let’s start over for our medic,” Solo says, his tone dark. “We’re looking at an extract mission and it has to be _clean_.”

Rey wonders what he means by ‘clean’; it’s the first time she encounters that type of task.

“Code name for target is Yellow Moon, we will operate under the call sign of Rogue-1. _Everything_ I tell you in this room stays in the room, are we clear ?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Solo nods, his back straight with an authoritarian posture.

“Yellow Moon is actually in the hands of the Empire. Intel has located him in Tuanul and provided sat recon. As you can see, this is bad news for us. The IAF has massively colonized the city during the past year, the military presence is strong. We cannot – and I stress this for you – _cannot_ engage unless it’s absolute necessity. The main goal is to be swift. Get in, get out without being flagged.”

Front row, Palla raises a tanned hand to intercept his CO.

“How are we getting to the target without engaging with the IAF? I assume it’s guarded, right? What we need ?”

“Rebels are helping us out. They will prep it and hand us Yellow Moon over when in place. But – plan B does include rapid breach, just so you know.”

“Right,” muffles Palla. “So, suppressor, smoke, explosive, roger that.”

As the weapons personnel, the man takes good note of the information.

“We will be flying over in the black. A chopper will drop us a few klics away from the city. Once we have the target, they will pick us up at rendez-vous point. We have four extract sites available, I want you to memorize them. The region is tricky, lots of minefield in the desert. So no wandering around.”

While he speaks, Solo gestures to different points on the map behind him. Some itineraries have been mark with red sharpies, locations are circled out. Rey has no doubt this operation has been planned for quite some time now, possibly explaining why Solo didn’t get back to them sooner if he was part of the initial crafting. It seems like a high-risk mission, commissioned from way above their heads with a lot of pressure coming down to them – to him.

“Yellow Moon _has_ to be delivered to the Alliance alive, this is crucial advantage. The enemy knows it. If we get caught, they won’t stop at anything to take us down so, I need you to be on your A-game.”

A few heads nod in approval.

“I also want to remind you that anyone who’s not us is to be considered a threat. Jaks, rebels, _anyone_.”

“Sounds fun,” Merle grunts.

“Zero hour is tomorrow at 11pm, get your shit prepped before that. _Also–_ ”

Rey isn’t fond of that particular inflection in his voice – a low, guttural sound. This probably means more bad news.

“This mission is classified and there won’t be any rescue team for the rescue team. So don’t get fucked on me because I intend to have a zero rate casualties on this. Like I said, _clean_.”

 

**

 

They have been dropped off in the dark, somewhere east-south of Tuanul, just a few minutes after midnight. The flight was deadly silent, everyone zoning out in their concentration. Rey has begun to feel a cryptic apprehension rising in her stomach when she set a foot in that chopper. Now that she’s marching behind Finn at a steady pace, rifle aimed to the ground, she doesn’t feel anything anymore – which is maybe even more concerning.

“Bay-3 be advised, Rogue-1 is going silent. Over.”

The low voice of Merle is slightly carried to her in the dead of night. Following the order, all of them quickly turn off their radio equipment, leaving them to be completely isolated from any sort of backups. They have picked out a moonless night for their mission, providing them with more cover in the shadows of the early hours. The squad is moving around without difficulties, relying on infrared binoculars to find their way through the dark. Even out in the open, they remain invisible to simple scouting runs.

By the time they reach the surroundings of the city, they haven’t encountered any incident. Solo comes to a halt a few meters ahead of them and crouches down, a fist in the air. Flip quickly lays down next to his master, diligent, head to the ground. They are close enough to have a visual on the place, a few distant noises are piercing the nocturnal chants of the desert – voices, low activities, mechanic sounds. Rey can’t be sure from her position, but it seems to her that something is moving ahead on the distant ground. A subtitle tension flocks among the unit – breathless, as minutes pass with uncertainty.

“Moving personnel on my six, coming this way,” warns a low voice.

“Do not engage. Do _not_ engage,” Solo repeats with a steel grip.

Rey has run cold, tightening her grip on the automatic weapon. Behind her, she can feel Ziff shifting just a few centimeters to the left, presumably for a better line of fire. If they allow the intruders to get any closer, their position will soon be compromised. But they cannot engage without knowing whose they’re shooting at – for that would be cold-blooded murder, even during the war. Ultimately, the decision comes down to their captain and everyone is pulsing with anticipation, apprehensive.

Suddenly, a sequence of quick flash erupts under the black shades of the starless sky. Solo carefully gets up to walk towards the source of the signal. Upon confirmation, he then orders the unit to join ahead. A few meters down the terrain, their combat boots are muffled out by a soft soil cover in sand while they join a handful of anonymous silhouettes.

Rey spares them a few glances, carefully studying their attitudes for any sign of danger. She hasn’t forgotten Solo’s words about the enemy. The rebels appear to be dressed with imperialist uniforms, which is confusing enough in itself – lucky for them the captain didn’t shot first to talk later.

“Where’s our package ?”

“We’re taking you to him,” a feminine enough voice responds.

“That wasn’t the plan,” Solo grunts in discontent.

“The plan has changed.”

He doesn’t like it a bit, Rey can tell just by the shift in his stance. It could very much be a deadly trap. For all they know, those guys could effectively be imperialists playing rebels playing imperialists. But what choice do they have? Solo gestures his agreement silently. Led by a small group of five, the squad pursues to their new destination.

Upon reaching the first solid constructions, it’s easier to navigate in the man-made environment. They still have the advantage of nocturnal vision – thanks to their equipment, and not a word is spoken while they infiltrate the bastion city of Tuanul. For better or for worse, their guides know exactly where they want to lead them, making it way more easy than it should be. The rebels carry handguns that appear to be a little too old for the IAF standards. Rey speculates they have infiltrated some low-rank working forces, or maybe run a quick operation to take down a few uniforms. Whatever they’ve done, they show no signs of hesitation while possibly walking to their death. It’s one thing to be brave as a requirement of the job you’ve been trained for, but it’s another to take the arms as a civilian – recusing your government to follow higher moral pursuits as a renegade. Will they stay behind? Will they die for the soldiers? There are no heroes, just men – and she feels a spark of reverence for their courage.

Whoever he is, Yellow Moon must be extremely important to the cause.

At the next intersection, they are slowed down by a moving patrol cruising in the empty street. The unit sinks low in the shadows, back to the walls. Rey almost stops breathing while she eyes the group of military – real imperialists this time – walking across their position, flashlights in hands. She can hear casual sounds of chatting among them, and while she can’t figure out the content of it, she knows they’re oblivious to their threat. They are unbothered and sloppy in their duty, which is probably the only reason they make it past them without noticing the presence of the rescue team right under their nose.

When they deem it safe enough to resume the progression, the man behind her quickly tap her shoulder to get her moving again. Rapid sounds of footsteps brush her ears. Her palms are sweaty around the rifle grip, her muscles tense, weight digging on her shoulder. She follows the tall, dark shape of Solo while the men are deploying in a defensive position along the way. Rey can’t help but wonder – are people peacefully sleeping in their beds? Are they living under terror? Are they supporting the Empire?

By the time they reach the central area, her tension is making it difficult for her to keep a steady breathing. At the bottom of a two-story building, they stop again. The walls are whitewashed with an irregular sand plaster that scratches against the fabric of her uniform. A concise knock on the nearest door cracks the ongoing silence. It’s not long before a figure emerges from the blackness of the entrance.

“You’re late,” someone mutters. “You’ve got two minutes before the new shift.”

That sounds like bad news.

Nonetheless, the rebels gesture for them to get inside, and so they do. Solo is the last one to join; looks like their escort is parting ways with them at this point. The cover of the room conveys a treasonous feeling of safety, in which Rey tries not to lose herself. They are _not_ safe, the urgency is still present, hammering. The young woman finds comfort in the proximity of her squad members, above anything else. At the bottom of a staircase, Flip is sniffing the air with a furious flare of nostrils. He might be picking up residual trace of explosives, maybe stocked somewhere in the ware-house. They have no time to investigate the place, as a man leads them upstairs eagerly. It’s hard to tell with certitude but the dwelling might’ve been a residential home at some point.

They follow a quick succession of narrow rooms, another staircase. Rey notes with caution the absence of any other personnel here. The man mentioned a new shift, so she assumes it's some sort of prison – but with no prisoners in sight. It doesn’t make much sense to her, nor to the others judging by the puzzled expression she intercepts in Finn’s eyes. Coming to the second floor, an oil lamp suspended in the center of the room illuminates the scene with a warm glow of light. There is not much to see, apart from an used mattress folded near the opposite wall, and the adult body laying on top of it.

“Quick,” the man commands with a heavy accent. “Take him.”

Judging by the present situation, it appears that their target is unresponsive – which won’t make things easier for them. The soldiers don’t stop to think about that though, and Fox crouches down near the individual, yanking away the black hood from his face. Rey sees him pulling out a black and white photography from one of his front pockets, holding it in front of him as he grabs the man’s jaw with a glove hand, scrutinizing his face methodically.

“Identification confirmed for Yellow Moon.”

“Get him,” Solo says while turning around.

It doesn’t take long to decide that Finn will be in charge of that. Kneeling, the man adjusts the strap of his rifle over his shoulder, letting it slide back to his side. Fox and Ziff grab their target without ceremony and pull him upward. The man’s head bobs around like a chiffon doll while Rey watches closely, trying to get a better idea of his physical condition. She needs to assess him as soon as their safety is not compromised anymore but from what she can gather, Rey speculates the man has been tortured – most likely for several weeks. He’s malnourished and she can’t tell if the yellow tone of his skin is caused by the ceiling lamp or by hepatitis – probably the later. They push him unto Finn’s shoulders and he secures Yellow Moon, closing his biceps around one arm and one leg, like a human backpack. The soldier won’t be able to fight or to defend himself anymore, making him the most vulnerable of the unit. In consequence, he’s assigned to the middle of the formation, with Rey now closing the ranks next to Palla.

They’re ready to move and Solo leads them on, engaging in the skimpy staircase weapon first. How about those two minutes, are they gone? The acid scent floating around them irritates Rey’s throat. She’s hurtling the steps as fast as she can, listening for any indication of what’s going on outside of the building. She expects to hear the cry of a buzzing alarm anytime now, the crash of gunshots and foreign screams. She expects to walk right in the middle of an ambush and to be taken down by the enemy. But what she didn’t expect–was to come face to face with a man, right after turning the angle of the last room, on the first floor.

Time freezes around her, as they bore into each other eyes with the same reflection of surprise and dread. Where did he come from? Is he alone? Is he going to get us all killed? In this acute moment of paralysis, Rey’s contemplating with frenzy what her options are. Palla turns around just as he takes a step backward. He’s drawing out a combat knife in a swift motion. Maybe she should’ve done that. Rey has a knife, but it’s attached down her lower leg. Maybe her comrade can take the man down quick enough, maybe–

A look of desperate rage flicks upon the face of the imperialist. In this split second of acknowledgment, he has also weighed his options. Looks like Rey is the lesser harm here – _of course_ she is. He takes a step towards her, causing the young woman to back off defensively. She points her rifle at him, terrified that he might shoot her – _kill_ her. But he’s so close, his face so distinctive, out of the realm of anonymous casualties from this terrible war. She has never shot someone with such precision, making it too personal, too memorable. The accusatory look in eyes just like hers; another soldier from another side but the same desperation to live just to see another sunrise. This is _wrong_. This is the price to pay. But it’s too late now.

Before she can pull that trigger, the man lunges unto her like a bull. The force of the assault is enough for her to lose balance, her back collides with the wall, a window, and then – there is no wall anymore, just a loud crashing noise and a free fall.

Rey hits the ground before she can even think of screaming. Air is knocked off of her lungs at impact, her body protesting with a sharp wave of pain in every direction. Her helmet at least prevents her to crack her skull open, but she wonders in fear if she has broken something. The blow has caused her to get dizzy and blind. It’s not the same as that time an RPG almost got her killed though, because this time, she doesn’t lose consciousness – she hears _everything_. The precipitation of the events, the loud noises, the debris raining down around her, gunshots, men screaming and then – she feels the movements, like a snake closing around her, the suffocating terror.

With a sharp inhale, Rey opens her eyes and rolls over, shaking in pain, unsure. She has lost her weapon during the fall and desperately tries to locate it, but she’s too late. The man is ramping towards it, whimpering, with every intention to kill her. This is it, this is now. _You need to do it. Just do it, Rey._

She’s reaching for her handgun, unstraps the holster on her thigh. Her arms are shaky, weak, but she’s close enough. She angles the M9 towards him and her desire to live does the rest. She shoots him twice, but she doesn’t need to. Blood splashes over her face in a grotesque manner. Rey is breathless, pinned down by her sins and the irreversibility of that gesture. She already knows, she’s going to see the face of that man in every of her sleepless nights for the rest of her life. A nameless man, an enemy – just another human being on the wrong side of her decisions. This wasn’t murder, but it wasn’t charity either. It was her own crime.

“You good ?”

By the time a heavy hand comes down to grab the front of her plate carrier, her nerves almost shoot Solo dead in the face. The captain diverts her arm with a quick blow, while she’s panting like a dying fish out of the ocean.

 _“Good_  ?” he repeats in a low growl.

What is she going to say? That she’s not? Does it make a difference if she can’t move anymore? Because she _needs_ to. This isn’t a matter of staying low and silent anymore now – and it’s all of her fault. She screwed up the mission. She wants to tell him she’s sorry, looking back into the dark gaze scanning her vividly. But there’s no time. They’re coming, and they’re coming to get them.

Solo pulls her up to her feet the next second, earning a sharp sound of pain from the young woman. Her legs still respond to her at least; she’s lucky she didn’t break her spine coming down like that from the first floor. She still has her 9mm in hands, impulsively trying to reach her lost rifle. The man drags her away with a ferocious pull before she can get to it, saving her from a rain of bullets. In the ambient panic of the waking city, Rey closes a fist around Solo’s back straps while he’s leading them in the opposite direction to escape the incoming enemies. She feels naked and vulnerable without the weight of the weapon on her shoulder, but it’s too late for that now.

“ _Motherfuckers_ ,” Solo curses to himself.

Rey turns her head to him, barely standing anymore. A storm of gunfire takes them to the left to take cover under a round porch and she catches a glimpse of her squad, standing twenty meters away from them, on the other side of the street. Vehicles are now moving around, closing into their position. Even in the dark of the night, they can’t vanish into thin air. It’s a long run out in the open, and she’s not feeling great. But maybe she can do it, maybe–

“GO !”

A burning shock falls to her chest. Solo gestures again to make himself perfectly clear to his reluctant sergeant.

“Now! Exfil! That’s an _order_  !” he yells at them.

Rey wants to protest, she wants to scream with everything she has left in her. _Please, don’t leave us here. Please, don’t let us die here._ But there’s no use. They’re already moving, without them. She watches – helpless, horrified, as her unit retracts to get out of Tuanul, in a desperate attempt to finish the mission they came here to do. And it all falls to the two of them.

Solo doesn’t waste more of their precious time waiting in vain. He pulls her out of the alcove and breaks into a rapid run alongside the lines of buildings. It’s a horrendous effort to match the pace of his long legs, but Rey is clinging to him like a lifeline and she can’t get herself to let go. She might fall headfirst to the ground and never get back up if she does. Captain Solo is the only thing keeping her alive right now. And he’s sure trying hard as Hell to get them out of this clusterfuck.

The sound of their boots crashing to the ground echoes along the white sand walls, but she can’t hear it through her forced breathing. Attempting to escape another patrol running straight into them, Solo jumps in a side alley. They run about fifty more meters under a dark wooden bridge connecting two squared buildings. Before they can reach the nearest street, the man stops dead in his tracks and Rey crashes into his hard body with a sharp sound of surprise. Solo quickly reaches back to her, to keep her behind him, and he presses them both to the wall. Seconds later, a black Humvee crosses the street full speed, all lights on.

“ _Fuck_ ,” the man hisses between his teeth.

His hot breathing rings into her ears like a sound of alarm. She’s completely shielded from the street by the height of his body and for a mere instant, Rey is able to bypass the fear and the pain and the desperation. She just wants to live another day. And she wants _him_ to live another day. She would do anything for that, if only the Force is with them, then–

The cracking sound of a door causes them both to jump in alarm, like feral animals on the run, restless. Solo instinctively raises his rifle towards the new threat, finger ready to shoot anyone coming for their throats. But a white shade of hair suddenly takes a step under the doorway, both hands raised in front of him.

The old man eyes Solo for a hot minute, motionless in the shadows of the darkest hour, an unsettling expression painted across his wrinkled face. Then, he waves at them.

“ _Quick_  !”

The thick, warm voice of the stranger is foreign to their ears. But in the heart of the desert land, they are the real strangers in need of a miracle. And there is no time for caution anymore.

“Inside! Come _inside_  !” the old man repeats.

Solo promptly breaks his inspection and pushes Rey in front of him, inside the pitch-black house of the unknown man. Too late for any second thought by now, the door slams shut after the two soldiers.


	9. You Like the Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feww, this chapter took me a WHOLE lot of time! More than it usually does, but we have some progress here, finally ;) I *tried* not to get too caried away by my inner fangirl, because I like when things take time and are developed in your minds first hand (also, that chapter count is now totally out of date since I changed my outline but well, onwards we go!). Such poetic speech, who would've thought eh eh.  
> Now it's 8pm and I'm about to get my first meal of the day while you excuse me. Just enjoy the igniting heat guys! xxx

 

**CHAPTER NINE**

 

There is a moment of uncertainty. The three of them are standing stock-still inside the small, dark room they just entered, tension frying in the air. Rey’s still catching her breath, dazed, just a foot behind her captain. The impromptu rescue is somehow unsettling, leaving them with a lot of questions and a fair amount of wariness that transcribe in their rigid stances.

“Why ?” is all Solo expresses at the old man.

A small hesitation, a pause; he seems to search for the right answer – if such a thing exists.

“I serve the Force only,” the stranger then responds.

“A saint man,” her captain comments, voice heavy with implications. “Are you not afraid of what they’ll do to you if we’re caught ?”

The old man shrugs, hands crossed in front of a long linen robe. Rey doesn’t know much about the religious practices in Jakku, but he indeed matches the profile of a member of the faith – at least the one she had in her mind. She recalls the old temple in Cratertown, wondering if there are some around here as well, or if the Empire has wiped them off to install their propaganda. That would give the old man a more tangible reason to help them, aside from any spiritual beliefs he may hold, something Rey could have an easier time understanding.

“They cannot do more than already done,” he cryptically tells them. “The death– is not to be feared for no one shall really die in spirit.”

That sounds more like a scripture than an answer and Solo isn’t quite frankly enthusiastic about it.

“Suit yourself, old man. I’m no eager to be a spirit just yet.”

“You hide here,” the man says with a convincing tone. “Until safe. _Come_.”

He gestures for them to follow, moving towards another part of the habitation. Rey and Solo exchange a glance, but the captain decides to take the lead, short of better options at hand. They pass through a small oval chamber, and Rey can pick up the shapes of some furniture scattered around. For the main part, everything looks minimalist and curated, just as you could probably expect from a devotee. Or maybe it’s just a direct result of the embargoes dictated by the Alliance towards any imperialist strongholds.

“What’s your name? If you want to tell us…,” Solo carefully asks.

They are stopping on top of a stairway solely carved into stone, the old man grabbing a small dynamo flashlight. He turns to the soldier and gives it a quick thinking.

“We call me Lor San Tekka. For a friend… Lor.”

“Are we your friends, Lor ?”

Solo is still exercising caution over all of this.

“Yes, now, yes,” he smiles with a genuine enough attitude. “How I am calling you ?”

“Ben,” the man simply says.

As Lor turns to her, the young woman notices he is waiting for an answer from her.

“I’m Rey.”

“Come, Ben and Rey. The safe place is under.”

Not sure if she likes that idea. Following the lead of their host, the two military descend into what appears to be some sort of cave, hidden under the foundation of the small housing. The air is cold down here, stagnant. A strong smell of dust and maceration welcomes them. Under the light beam, Rey spots some wooden barrel stocked near the irregular walls. Some tools are scattered around, an old wool cape is hooked by the hood to a central pillar.

Lor walks to a long dark-stained shelving unit flaking a wall and grabs its corner with one hand. Putting the flashlight aside he then pulls on it, using the weight of his body to make it bulge aside with a scraping sound. Behind it, a small round opening – probably not reaching higher than their waistline – is leading to a black empty space. At the sight of it, Rey squints in apprehension, a shiver running down the back of her neck.

“Stay here,” Lor tells them. “Until they stop search.”

Surely, there should be a better solution here. Rey doesn’t want to crawl into that hole, but exhaustion and anxiety might impair her judgment because she does regardless. Headfirst, the young woman bends down and enters the small cavity, turning around until her back is pressed to a cold stone wall.

“I come in morning, when safe,” Lor adds solemnly.

Rey bites into a sarcastic remark, not wanting to indulge them into her own worry. Solo follows right behind her without protest, much more practical than she is. He crouches down his massive frame as much as he possibly can to fill the space. It’s a tangle of limbs for him to sit back opposite to the medic, but finally, the man manages to secure a more relaxed position. Their legs are meeting in the middle, hers between his. He lays down their only remaining rifle flat next to him and watches passively, as Lor pushes back the wooden panel into place to seal the opening. A pitch-black obscurity falls back upon them, echoes of footsteps walking away rapidly. It’s not long before silence wraps around them like a cold stream of water.

Rey finds herself eyes wide open on the emptiness, her breathing coming harsh and heavy under the stillness of the ridiculously small alcove. She’s shivering, despite her body being drenched in sweat and burning hot. Her heart is hammering in her chest. She’s searching for something to see to calm her nerves, something to _feel_. Panic is slowly crawling upon her; with each passing minute, the young woman is having more difficulty breathing.

In front of her, she can feel the presence of Solo’s body, but she cannot see him. The distress is overwhelming, raw, untamed and unwelcome in her mind. Blood is pulsing to her ears, her throat is as dry as sand, suffocating. She unclasps her helmet, tossing it to the side in hope it might help to escape the claustrophobic sensation.

“How many mags do you have left ?”

The low, deep voice of her captain is easily noticeable in the silence, but Rey cannot acknowledge it despite her best efforts. She’s quickly descending into a violent hurricane of thoughts, with nothing to stop her. The skin of her face is smoldering and she wants to rip it off. She wants to breathe, she wants to run away, she wants to wake up. And then, she’s seeing him – the nameless name she has killed just moments before. The shock is ravaging, a guttural sound escapes her lips, like a wounded animal. She had enough of _everything_. She needs to get out of here, right now.

Reaching forwards in confusion, hands extended in front of her, Rey desperately try to move aside the wooden panel.

“What are you doing ?”

Solo has noticed her agitation by now and he’s probably frowning in the dark.

“I need– I need to get out,” Rey frantically responds.

“No, stop that !”

An invisible hand brushes against her arm the first time, missing it by a few inches. The second time, he grabs her forearm and pulls at her – not with enough force to draw her back, but causing her to stop fighting with the plank of wood.

“I can’t breathe,” she cries out. “I need to get out, I can’t breathe !”

“Yes, you can,” Solo argues back casually. “C’mon, take it slow.”

While he speaks, two heavy hands fall on the sides of her torso. She’s panting like a dog by now, almost crying in pain and misery and all she can think about is her visceral desire to get out of that doshing hole. Nothing matters anymore aside from the intimate conviction she’ll die if she stays here a minute longer. She’s even willing to fight her captain over it – _anything to be free from this pain_.

Solo unstraps one side of her plate carrier without notice, then the other, with an obscenely loud sound of Velcro tape. He yanks it away above her head, freeing her from the weight of her gear. Rey desperately tries to take another breath, but her lungs are shutting down on her. She needs air – real air, not this prison of darkness and cold rocks. She will be crushed to death down here, she _knows_ it.

When two strong arms come to circle her in the dark, she yelps in surprise and fear. She tries to fight back, to get away from his hold, desperate to escape the terror of her own mind. But there is no space to run away, she can’t even find her senses anymore. She doesn’t know where the sky is and she’s standing at the edge of a terrifying precipice, ready to lose her goddamn mind.

“Calm down, you’re safe.”

She wants to break down in tears because she’s _not_ safe. In fact, she has never felt less safe than she is now. She’s shaking, kicking, gasping for air, pleading for someone – but she doesn’t know who. Then, she feels it; the broad chest on her back, the massive arms around her, hugging her in a tight embrace. Solo has dragged her to him without much effort, keeping her trapped, and a light breath is now pressed to the side of her face.

“Close your eyes,” he orders.

Why would she do that? There’s only darkness around her, she’s already blind – sinking. But he repeats himself in that same imperious voice, and she can almost feel it through his chest, overwhelming. Rey finally closes her eyes, violently shaking in panic. She tightens her own fingers around his arms, conflicted by the opposite signals her brain is sending her.

“Did you ?”

“Yes,” she almost sobs.

“Good. Now, imagine the sky. Imagine the sky above you, it’s black, and cold, and infinite.”

She wanted freedom, but she’s now holding onto those strong arms with a plea of despair. It’s a different feeling of safety, a close one, a warm one – and she buries herself inside of it, for it’s her only way out of this misery. At that exact moment, something breaks inside of her, shattering her core in a million different pieces. They were never at the right place to begin with. The pain washes over her, merging with a warm feeling of relief, smoothing out the sharp edges in her heart.

Rey wants it to be even tighter, she wants for him to never let go. She wants to be held like that for the rest of her life, by someone who cares, someone strong and capable, someone who – _him_. She needs it so badly and the irony of it all is that she never knew it until that very moment.

“There is no end, only more sky,” Solo speaks into her ear. “The stars, the galaxies, the entire universe. You’re a part of it, a very small one. You’re nothing compared to all of it and you’re floating in the dark, black space. You can travel anywhere you want, instantly, just by thinking of it. You can see all the suns and touch dying stars… just before they explode. Would you? Would you try to touch it, be a part of it ?”

“Yes.”

“Now you’re everywhere and everything. Maybe you’re a star too by now… Someone is watching at night, across the emptiness. They’re naming you. Did you know it ?”

“Know what ?” she manages to ask with a thin, trembling voice.

“Your name,” he says. “Adhara– is one of the brightest stars in the sky, in the constellation of Canis Major. Don’t you think it’s funny? _You_ , joining my dogs.”

There is a trace of amusement in his voice, but he’s not making fun of her. Rey’s listening in silence to the sound of that voice she likes so dearly, even without knowing when she has admitted that to herself.

Then she remembers. _Kylo likes his stars._

 _“_ Is it– Rigel– Is it a star name also? That’s why you called me that ?”

She’s nervously waiting for his answer, the warmth of his body next to hers as if she’s laying under a crimson sunset. Deep down, she suddenly hopes he did, even if she can’t quite process the reason of her foolish desire.

“Yes,” Solo explains patiently. “It’s the brightest star of Orion. I thought it was fitting for you.”

“You said– if I could figure it out…,” Rey trails off with a hard beating heart.

“Well, I’ve kept my word, haven’t I? I won’t let you die here.”

It sounds like a promise. Maybe it's naive of her to believe in it – in him – so much, because no one has that sort of power. No heroes she recalls, just men. But she does regardless, against better judgment and false hopes. It's all she needed to hear right now. A long silence follows, in which she doesn’t dare to move for fear he would stop holding her like he does.

“You really do like stars, don’t you ?” the young woman whispers.

He still hasn't let go of her, arms firmly embracing her from behind while they sit here in absolute darkness. His scent is everywhere around her; hot skin of sweat and dirt and gunpowder. But it’s deeply human and she’s yearning for it, just because it’s his.

“I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid,” Solo says like a confession. “To be up there… Look at me now, didn’t turn out great.”

A small sarcastic laugh escapes his lips and she can feel it brushing her temple, in a weirdly intimate manner.

“I think I like it better–with you down here. If you would’ve been an astronaut… we would’ve never met.”

“I still would’ve met you, Adhara. You’re a star, remember ?”

This has to be the craziest thing someone has ever said to her, but somehow it makes perfect sense. Not in her mind, but just in her soul. She has never thought about Solo as something else than a military officer, competent, rigorous, smart. But he's not what he does, he's what he dreams of, what he _loves_. And the things he dreams of, he cannot have. It's a bittersweet life, one of a man reaching for something distant in the vast horizon of space.

Rey knows that feeling all too well, because she has long dreamed of things she couldn't reach either. Until she realized she was allowed to have more than one dream, and it wouldn’t be greedy.

“Kylo…,” she carefully tries the name on her tongue. “Is it a star too ?”

“No, nothing poetic like that,” the man says with a dry laugh. “You know, those kids you want to slap in the face for no reason? I was kinda one of them. Always bragging about my father, always talking about my space obsession like a freak, making sure to let them know _I_ knew all of those stuffs. A little annoying shit.”

She has troubles picturing him as the annoying type – for she would gladly listen to him until they’re both dead, but she keeps quiet while he talks about such personal things to _her_.

“You see those parabolic antennas for radio telescope? I mean… If you didn’t notice I’m quite big on the ears department. Honestly, I was asking to be bullied at that point.”

He laughs again, whole-heartedly this time around.

“The other kids, they started to call me Skyloscope. Gotta give them points for creativity. Then, it quickly turned into Skylo. I’m not so sure about why, but the S just got ditched along the way when I joined the army some years later. There you go, I hope you didn’t expect something clever.”

She almost did, but Rey likes this version even better.

“I think you’re really brave. I would’ve never kept something made to make fun of me.”

“I was making fun of myself, don’t worry. You would’ve too if you’ve met me back then.”

“I don’t think so…”

Her body has started to relax, easing out from its state of shock and terror. Now she begins to feel the pain instead, and she needs something to keep it away from her mind.

“You said… you were bragging about your father ?”

Solo tenses at the mention, his forearms twitching under her touch. Maybe she has crossed a line there.

“He was a pilot in the Air Force… won a lot of shiny medals. Don’t you know him? Famous Han Solo,” he finally says like a bitter joke.

“No, you’re the only Solo I know.”

“That’s nice,” he snorts. “Not being my parents fucking legacy for once.”

The words sink deep into her chest, crushing it, hating herself for being so sensitive over it. She’s the one asking all the questions after all, and her captain is nothing but honest to her. He doesn’t have to. He doesn’t have to be nice to her, or to console her like a stupid child. Rey feels the guilt and the sadness of it all. She tries not to show it, but somehow, he just knows.

“Sorry. That was insensitive.”

She shakes her head to dismiss it.

“How you doing now ?” Solo asks.

_Please, don’t let go of me._

“Better,” she forces herself to say.

“I have a flashlight in a back pocket. If I can let go of you, I could grab it.”

Of course, _stupid fucking Rey_. She has one too, but she’s not sure where her backpack is. She might have quicked it around during her little breakdown. Being able to see would be nice, but being in the comfort of Solo’s embrace is way nicer. Not like she can say something like that to her CO, though. With great reluctance, Rey has to tear herself apart from him.

It takes so much energy from her, her lips start to shiver painfully and she bites into it to stay quiet. Behind her, the man is trying to move around, grunting in annoyance because of the limited space. He has to wiggle left and right to be able to let the straps of his gear fall from his shoulders. She can hear soft sounds of fabric, and he bends towards her – his forehead brushing the side of her shoulder while he strips down. Rey’s probably going mad, because she shouldn’t feel the things she’s feeling right now.

All of a sudden, a bright flash of white light burns her eyes. She blinks rapidly, a hand in front of her to shield her sensitive vision.

“Here, take it,” Solo offers.

She’s closing her fingers around the long flashlight before inspecting their surroundings nervously. Seeing it doesn’t make it any better, after all, grey rock walls carved by ancient pickaxes, way too close to her liking.

“I think I prefer the dark,” she confesses in a whisper.

“We should get some rest while we can, because we’re gonna need to get the fuck outta here at some point. Depending just on how shitty it goes…”

“Do you think we can make it ?” Rey dares to ask, still facing the opposite wall.

“Well, we just have to. I don’t trust Hux with my dog for too long, that fucker might feed him damn beer.”

The remark is meant to make her feel better, she’s smart enough to know it, but she still finds herself dealing with culpability and weariness.

“I’m sorry. I– I shouldn’t have hesitated… to kill him.”

“You shouldn’t have,” he confirms without mercy. “But the room should’ve been checked, that mistake is not on you.”

Rey remains silent and nods, and then shuts the light off, letting the darkness falls back. She still keeps the flashlight in her hand like a safety net, just in case. But her mind welcomes the cover of the dark with a new ease. She hasn’t allowed herself to look at Solo, despite her urge to do so. Maybe she’s too afraid of what he might see in her eyes just now – incertitude, fear, and then… _desire_. Not in a lusting manner, just the desire to be close to someone else for reassurance. Or so she tells herself.

“You’re still lucky you’re not dead,” the man continues, his voice bearing a serious tone. “I like you breathing, so do me a favor– don’t hesitate again.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good. Can you lie down ?”

She can try at least. Moving around, her body is complaining with a concerning amount of pain, slowing her down. She still manages to get over Solo’s leg and lowers herself to the cold, hard ground, rolling to her side with a muffled sound of protest. Next to her, the man bends his long legs, trying to fit awkwardly in their secret stash. He settles quite rapidly alongside, a low grunt of fatigue escaping his throat. It’s not an ideal position to sleep, but she bitterly recalls he once advised her to learn to sleep in _any_ situation – never seemed more appropriate than it is right now.

After some minutes of discomfort, trying to keep a respectful distance as best as she can, Rey finally gives in. She has no energy for that sort of games, nor the will to it. She lets her thigh fall back on top of his, her arms crossed in front of her chest while she’s pressed to his side. It’s inconvenient but it will do just for now. Or maybe not.

Solo naturally shifts his position and slides an arm around her back, to allow her to come closer. A big hand comes to rest on the crook of her waist, unbothered, burning her despite the layers of her uniform. Rey stops breathing for a few seconds, having a hard time to match such a casual gesture to her imposing CO. She cannot argue that it’s not a better fit than before though, it’s surprisingly comfortable. In fact, she cannot argue, full stop.

No one – _no one_ – has ever lain with her like that, holding her like a lover would. Rey’s praying to whoever might listen that Solo doesn’t notice the state of her nerves and the beating of her chest. What would it be like to have her captain holding her like that somewhere else, far away from here. In another life, another galaxy even. Not because they’re trapped in hostile territory and forced underground, but just because he would want to.

Truth is, she would certainly like it way more than she really should.

“Guess I’m lucky I’m not stuck down here with Palla,” he finally laughs for himself.

 

**

 

Rey wakes up to her body being bruised and sore, aching from the dramatic fall. She might want to take some painkillers later on, but she’d probably be better saving her stock for now. She’s not sure just how long she’s been asleep – not much probably, not enough. A faint trail of light is peaking through the corners of the wooden panel, helping to calm her anxious mind in the dawn of a new day. _They have lived so far_.

She can discern the small shape of her arm by now. Surprisingly enough, it’s resting on someone else’s shoulder.

Everything comes back to her in a wave of reminiscence, sending a hot flush to her face. The weight of that body is foreign to her. Solo has turned to rest on top of her at some point, not completely that he would suffocate her under his heavy mass, but she’s hugging him just as much as he’s hugging her. She’s drowning in his heat, seeking refuge from the outside world instinctively. A long arm is wrapped around her waist, claiming ground, and his chin rests on top of her head, giving her full access to the man’s neck. This is way beyond intimate, way beyond anything that should cross her mind right now.

Unable to move or to think properly, Rey can only fix the orange bandanna the soldier always wears with his regulation uniform. All of her squad does, it’s their sigil. Maybe someday they might give her one when she’ll be deserving enough of the recognition. It would mean more than any medal could ever to her, she’s sure of it. But for now, she’s taking in the sight of her captain, while he’s still asleep next to her. The weight of his body is so comforting that she can’t help but to close her eyes again, feeling his chest slowly moving with each passing breath he takes. He’s warm in her arms, and _damn_ – that feels good.

Rey frowns in dismay, well aware she should never allow herself to stay close to him like she does. She’s leading herself on a very inappropriate path, and the fall might break her beyond repair. She could never have someone like Solo – or specifically… _him_. Gasping at her musings, the young woman bites her lower lip painfully to keep quiet. How long has it been there, that exact thought? Weeks, months? It’s the first time Rey has even admitted to herself that she might want more from him than she can get, and it’s terrifying. What’s _wrong_ with her?

A sickening feeling of anxiety wrecks her guts. He could decide to send her away for that, she could lose her unit because of it. She cannot risk it, she has worked too hard to earn their trust. It would be unbearable. She _cannot_ be falling for Ben Solo. Or is it too late for that? Rey’s never been in love before, she doesn’t know where to draw the line between affection and endearment.

Maybe she can convince herself she’s just attached to the man; it makes sense, isn’t it? Yes, she’s _fond_ of him – that she can do with a clean conscience. Because he’s her captain, and he saved her life not once but twice by now. He’s a leader – a competent one – and she respects him. She admires his skills and his character, it has nothing to do with love. And that feeling inside of her, the way her heart aches when he pulls her closer, that’s nothing but a flicker of excitement drawn from her upbringing. _That’s it, girl._

But then, there is the smell of his skin that causes for her nerves to come alive and ablaze with envy – and for that, Rey has no valid explanation she could pretend to believe. Maybe she should just get laid – like Rose has already suggested a fair amount of time, hoping it would cure her or something. There are some people Rey could find attractive on the base, but not to the point she would want to be intimate with them. She doesn’t want to share something with yet another stranger, even with a friend… it was never what she needed.

They had tried to make her whole again like it was a rescue mission, but the truth is – she’s broken, not hollow. And it takes a special kind of person to know the difference – someone just like her.

In the middle of her mental nonsense, the abrupt jump in Solo’s posture takes her by full surprise. She instantly grabs his shoulder like a wild cat, on alert, while they stare at each other in confusion. The man looks even more surprised than she is, waking up from what she can only guess is a very unpleasant dream. He probes himself on one elbow, looking down to her with a weary expression, causing his black disheveled hair to fall around his face. She would give everything just to brush it back.

“Rey,” he simply says with a hoarse voice still full of sleep.

Is it a statement or a question? Her pulse beats faster to the sound of his voice. It’s probably the first time he used her first name to address her and she doesn’t know what to think of it. Solo’s looking at her with a tense gaze, dark eyes full of sparks, as if a million thoughts are running under his skull right now – maybe just as much as her. The young woman stares back at him for what feels like a very long time, caught in her own trance, yet painfully aware of his hips digging into hers and the pleasure it nudges in her lower half. It takes _everything_ from her to not move under him.

“Bad dream ?” she manages to ask.

“Always.”

Like he’s been struck by a lightning, the man finally seems to realize the suggestive position they’re in. He quickly shifts the weight of his body, sitting up next to her while rubbing a tired hand to his face. For that, Rey is thankful. She can do the friendly hug and the night sleepover situation without losing her mind, but having him between her fucking legs – _that_ , she cannot. _You’re such a slut, get a grip, woman._

Easing out from her confusing daze, Rey collects herself in silence.

“I need to pee,” she grunts in annoyance, wanting to break the tension of her mind.

“You can pee, for all I care.”

She shoots him an offended look.

“I’d rather _die_ , but thank you, Sir.”

Solo laughs in a low tone of voice and lets an arm to rest on top of his knee, looking more o relax than he was moments ago.

“You’ll run out of fuck to give at some point,” he tells her.

“Well, _not_ today,” Rey stubbornly argues.

They stay silent for a while after that, the reality of their situation slowly crawling back upon them. As much as it was distressing to focus on such trivial problems – the love, the lust, _even_ the bladder – it was also enjoyable to think about something else than their possible death for a moment. Now Rey’s back on fight or flight response, gathering her thoughts, nervously awaiting a sign of the outside world.

Soon enough, heavy footsteps emerge somewhere near them. Solo reaches for his rifle without a word and Rey decides she might follow his lead. The young woman grabs the 9mm, heart suddenly hammering between her rib cage. They exchange a quick look, before focusing on the opening. The shelving panel is bouncing, a loud scraping echoes under the rock ceiling, a new ray of light – every muscle in her body tenses up.

Suddenly, the face of an old man is looking at them through the narrow gap, his head bathed in daylight coming from the staircase like a holy creature. A saint man, indeed.

“Starspeed, friends,” Lor tells them with a smile. “Come out, come.”

Solo gives her a nod, and Rey’s more than happy to oblige him. She carefully steps outside of the secret stash and stretches out her aching limbs, grunting in contentment. It feels wonderful in itself.

“Any news ?” Solo inquires, head in the game.

“They search the city,” the old man informs them. “They saw the two soldiers morrow. Maybe they escape, they think. But–”

As he speaks, the old man gestures to a pile of clothing, folded on top of one of the old wooden barrels.

“You change, we hide the uniforms,” Lor instructs.

“Do you think we can sneak out as civilians ?”

“Maybe. But they search the convoys now. I’ll help, just come and eat now. Inside the house is safe.”

Leaving them to the task like two behaving children, their host retreats to the upper floor. Solo has come to take a closer look at the clothes – kindly provided by Lor, fitting Jakku’s fashion standards. After a short inspection, he tosses a long draping linen piece to Rey, quickly followed by a desert sand pair of pants.

“Here, that’s for you I guess.”

The prospect of putting on fresh clothes is a small luxury the young woman is positively thrilled about. While Solo isn’t paying much attention to her, already stripping out of his uniform in silence, Rey reaches down for the hem of her own thermal, not bothered in the slightness by the lack of privacy. Nudity isn’t a concept anymore for her, thanks to years of medical training and six months spent on a military base. Through the corner of her eyes, she nonetheless steals a few glances at Solo’s back, attracted by the black outlines of the imposing tattoo. Shadows are dancing around the map of his shoulders and Rey has to avert her gaze to finish dressing up.

It’s kind of a tricky tunic, short-sleeved, crossing in her front with a soft pleated fabric. She secures it with a leather belt and jumps into a short cargo pants before putting on her rangers again.

“What about the weapons ?” she pensively asks, eyeing the holster of her handgun on the floor.

“Try to hide it somewhere,” Solo says after some reflection.

She might do just that, tucking it behind her back as she turns to face him. Rey is struck by what she sees, staring at the wide frame of her captain draped in dark brown layers of robes. Nothing she has seen before, and he looks like a proper king – so much for keeping a low profile. Conveniently enough, he won’t have any problem to dissimulate something under the long cape he just threw on his shoulders, like it’s his usual going-out outfit of choice. _Unbelievable_.

After she's done drooling over him, they quickly gather the rest of their gear and hide it behind the shelves, before walking to the stairs. A small window is blocked by a punctured piece of wood, letting in some light between the intricate carved design. Rey follows her captain to the next room, and notices the rigid movement of his arms under the sea of fabric before she even realizes what’s going on. Around a small round-shaped table, Lor is seated to the ground, legs crossed, next to someone else. Rey draws a hand behind her back with a swift motion, reaching for the cross of her gun.

“Do not worry,” Lor says with a solemn tone. “She is trusted. She is daughter to me.”

The woman looks nothing alike Lor, Rey thinks with a decent amount of mistrust. Maybe he’s just speaking figuratively, but she’s in no position to question the family tree of the old man anyway.

“We call her Bazine, she is good with speaking,” he continues while nodding to himself.

The so-called Bazine takes another sip out of a small white ceramic cup, before she settles it down on the table. Her sun-kissed skin is complemented by a black shade of heavy kohl under her eyes. She wears a scarf of the same color around her hair, coming down to rest on her shoulders in a cascade of soft silk. Overall, she looks way more put together than the rest of them.

“Mother of Moons. So… you’re the ones getting us killed,” she speaks in a fluent pattern of speech, unimpressed. “I hope whatever your army came to do here, it was worth it. But it probably wasn’t, was it.”

“I can assure you it was, ma’am.”

Solo is battling irritation with a rigid voice of polite restraint.

“Sure, love,” she snorts at him, a fake smile across her painted lips. “At least we’ll try to blind you in, for our own sake if not yours. I don’t want the grandpa to be stoned to death because of his stupid heart.”

Bazine takes another good look at them like a predator, fidgeting with the cup between her skinny fingers.

“I suggest we wash that blood out of your face, missy. Not charming. Also… we need to do something about that hair.”

“Excuse me ?” Rey asks in disbelief.

“Don’t you wanna be up to date? Buns should do it. Welcome to Tuanul, sand-boots.”

 

\--

NOTES: Are we happy about Lor and Bazine? Also, YES I did give Ben a Jedi outfit because that's my full right and I'm very happy about that haha!  
Follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/codeblackspace) maybe, and I'd be happy if you share this story! ♡


	10. War Dogs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful people! :)
> 
> We have our final chapter count, that's it. ♡ Also, I have raised the rating to E because the following chapters might contain more serious scenes of violence -it's the war- and I didn't want to be frustrated with my writing thinking about that. I will put warning before said chapters if they are needed. (Also, there will be smut at some point, and even if I tend not to be extremly graphic on the subject, things happen you know haha). 
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, it took me some time to get it right but I _think_ we're good! xxx

 

**CHAPTER TEN**

 

_You stay here. I’m gonna take a look around, see if they’ve got any Intel. Shouldn’t be long._

Yeah, right. Rey quickly came to the conclusion there were things far worse than being trapped in hostile territory – for example, being trapped in hostile territory without a visual on her captain.

It’s been a while now since Solo stepped a foot outside with the old man. He wanted to have a better idea of the situation, or whatever that brilliant idea of him was, but the young woman is now growing anxious with each passing minute. What if something happened to them? What if they got caught by the IAF? What will she do then? They cannot contact the FOB for help in fear the enemy might be able to intercept and trace their radio communications. Their only hope is to somehow make it out of Tuanul to rally a nearby village, and for that – they only have each other.

“Don’t you want to sit down? You’re going to drop dead, missy.”

At the sound of the mocking voice behind her back, Rey shots a hard look to Bazine, sat on a low pile of square cushions. The not-so-friendly woman has her back to the wall, legs crossed in front of her, and she’s carefully packing small linen pouches with what appears to be some sort of tea. Rey hasn’t paid much attention to her during the day, as a lot more serious issues swirl around on her mind, but Bazine's starting to get on her nerves by now. There is something about her attitude that unsettles the medic, even though she can’t quite put a finger on it just yet. Maybe she’s just paranoid.

“I don’t want to sit down,” Rey mutters to herself, determined to not engage in a pointless argument.

Bazine rolls her eyes at her, a small sound of annoyance escaping her dark-stained lips.

“Well then, don’t stand so close to the window,” she insists harshly. “Are you really a soldier ?”

Her derogatory tone doesn’t sit well with Rey, but she’ll have to admit it's maybe not the brightest idea. Taking a few steps back from the close wooden panel, Rey finds herself pacing the small room like a wild animal trapped in a cage, not knowing what to do with herself.

“Calm down, there is nothing you can do about it.”

“Yes, _thank you_ , I know that,” she tells the other woman without much sympathy.

Bazine doesn’t seem to care. In fact, she doesn’t seem to care about anything. She already made it very clear to them that their presence was an unfortunate inconvenience and that she only appears concerned for Lor’s safety. What could fall upon the two soldiers is irrelevant to her – not that it should be any different. After all, they're not entitled to any help from the Jakkuvian people, but Rey could surely do without the condescending attitude.

Trying to give her mind something else to think about, the young woman gives another prying look to her gracious host. Is that really tea?

“What are you doing ?” Rey finally takes upon herself to ask, bitten by a new curiosity.

“ _That_  ?” The woman lets the word rolls on her tongue, which resembles the old man’s accent for a moment. “That’s gunpowder, sweetheart.”

Taken aback by the information, Rey open her mouth without being able to form sounds. After a few seconds of hesitation, she decides to pursue her investigation, as she has nothing better to do anyway. She takes a few steps closer and gives a better look of scrutiny to the whole operation.

“Are you… _dealing_ gunpowder ?”

“Dealing ?” Bazine snorts with a half, cold smile. “What a big word… I just help the transit. Little things need to find their way around here.”

“So, you’re helping the rebels ?”

“I’m helping whoever is paying me.”

Rey frowns without a clear understanding of the situation. That's not an answer she had expected.

“Are you some kind of mercenary or something ?”

It’s Bazine’s turn to be annoyed by her comment now. The woman glares at her with dark eyes bearing more than just a silent look. Even in the obscurity of the secluded housing, severed from the harsh sun and dry air, the room seems to be burning from a new fire – and it has nothing to do with the outside world. It’s something way more personal, the inside of someone else’s heart.

“What do you think life is like around here ?” Bazine slowly speaks, her voice as cold as a dead star. “Before all of this—before the army came here to fight over some lands they stole, I was a translator for the tourists coming to visit Tuanul. But now, there are no tourists anymore and no job left for me. But food is still not free.”

“Can’t you leave to go somewhere safer ?” Rey asks honestly.

“This is so typical,” she gives her a grin of disdain. “You people, you’re the ones coming to _my_ home, and I should be the one to leave? Why would I do that? Why should I go? To let you have it all? No, thank you.”

Rey is quickly realizing the foolishness in her words. It’s hard for her to understand what it must feel like – to have a home, something you don’t want to leave behind, something you don’t want to be deprived of. She’s nothing, coming from nowhere, but she knows she has always been an exception. Most people don’t want to be tossed in the wind like unwanted seeds, they find it scary. They _care_ about the place they live in, they have memories and families. Who is she to decide what’s worth their freedom or their lives – if it’s their choice to wield it into the balance. Free will is the pinnacle of humanity after all – the mere reason she fights with a gun in her hands to grant it to everyone.

“This is not what I meant,” the young woman finally responds. “I’m sorry.”

“Sure,” Bazine acknowledges bitterly. “Tell me, is your country suffocating like mine? Because _only_ then I would know you’re really sorry.”

Rey thinks this blame isn’t fair. She presses her lips together in a thin line, trying to keep her mind from rising in defiance. Somehow, her temper is just as bad as Bazine’s, and the anxiety creeping in the back of her head is not helping the present situation. If Solo was here, he probably would instruct her to shut up and to keep her comments to herself. But the captain _isn’t_ here, and it’s precisely the main problem. Rey closes her fists into a tight grip by her sides, unable to brush off her indignation.

“The Alliance is fighting for all of us, you know that, right? This is for all of the Free World. We’re fighting for you too !”

“I never asked you to,” Bazine replies with a steel voice, her eyes piercing through her without hesitation.

Rey can feel her anger quickly rising in her to meet the accusatory tone of her words. _This isn’t fair._

“You’d rather have the Empire free to establish another autocracy here on Jakku? That's it? That’s the better choice ?”

“I’d rather have _peace_ ,” the other woman spits back. “Because war doesn’t taste like democracy to me.”

“Yeah, well, guess what? If you want peace, sometimes you gotta fight for it !”

Her sudden outburst of fury is left unanswered by her host. Bazine carefully places the gunpowder down on the table, before she gets back on her feet. Rey follows her to meet her eyes, now standing directly in front of her. She offers nothing but a blank expression to the medic, leaving the young woman biting on her tongue.

“Doesn’t it sound stupid to you—what you just said? Is this you talking or the words they put in your mouth while they were making you their little soldier ?” She eyes her up and down, scornful, dragging her point across. “They did well with that, I can tell. You know what we call you here? _Militaj hundoj_ , it means—war dogs, because that's what you are. Dogs chasing their own tails.”

Rey is _fuming_. She has seen so much suffering, so much pain. She has _lost_ people to this war – people who were fighting for that woman, for her disrespect and her hatred. Snap didn’t give his life for her to spite on his sacrifice, no matter what she might think of politics and war crimes. This is not what she is nor what she deserves, and maybe Rey doesn’t have all the answers but she _sure_ knows that much.

“Don’t mock me,” she finally breathes out through gritted teeth. “You know nothing about me.”

Bazine snorts with laughter.

“Why are you upset ?” Something in the edge of her voice seems to fall back into a cooling embrace, almost friendly, as if the fire has turned to embers all of a sudden. “Am I lying? Didn’t they make you a soldier? You and the tall grumpy one. I hope he doesn’t die out there, that would be a real shame. He’s nice to look at. Does he have a wife ?”

 _What the –_ Rey blinks awkwardly, not knowing how to respond to that.

“I—am not sure.”

“You’re not sure ?” Bazine smiles, hands on her hips. “I thought you were a team. Nevermind. I’ll ask myself.”

Rey is appalled. Is that woman going to hit on her captain just like that? What happened to the _war dogs_ situation? And why in the name of the Force is Rey so revolted by that idea? Suddenly, she doesn’t want Bazine anywhere near Solo. Can’t she keep her fucking flirt to herself? They could be captured, they could be _killed_. They don’t need any of that, Solo doesn’t need it. He already has too much to think about, and Rey’s pretty sure any inquiries upon his personal life isn’t going to be of any help.

Or maybe she just doesn’t want to see it through.

But he doesn’t have a wife, does he? Damn, she would gladly allow Lintra to put everyone back into places right now. _How ironic_. Perhaps Rey is the one who’s going to tell her to fucking back off this time, because she _very_ much feels like it.

 

**

 

“Good news is,” Solo carefully explains. “We would’ve heard by now if they had taken down any of our own. Meaning—Rogue-1 must have made it out and secured the mission.”

Rey nods in silence, attentively listening to her captain while he gives her an update on the situation. He made it back in one piece after his scouting run with Lor, giving her more room to breathe in, and that’s already something. Nonetheless, she braces herself for the rest of the speech, knowing full well there gotta be a flip side to it. It always does.

“Bad news is—the IAF is really pissed about that.”

Rey can only imagine that much.

“They doubled the checkpoints outside the city, and from what I saw, there is no fucking way to just walk out unnoticed.”

“What about the route we came in ?” Rey asks. “Can’t we just make a run for it ?”

“No,” Solo runs a hand through his hair, damp from sweat. “We only made it this far because rebels were buying us an action window. But we lost that hand.”

“So, what’s the plan ?” she asks nervously.

“I think—our best shot is to play by the rules here. They don’t know who they’re looking for. If we join with civilians at a checkpoint then-”

“Then what ?” Bazine cut him out with a nagging voice. “How long since you took a good look at yourself, love? You think you can blind in? Maybe the girl, but you—your whole body screams sand-boots.”

“I managed to come back without a gun to my head today, haven’t I? I think I can handle myself, ma’am.”

If she has to be honest with herself, Rey needs to acknowledge how satisfying it is each time he gives Bazine the _ma’am_ treatment. That’s so very childish of her, but given the circumstances, Rey will allow herself this scrap of trivial enjoyment. It may well be her last at this rate. Besides, the woman is seemingly taking offense of Solo’s cold, distant demeanor and that’s making it even better.

_That’s right, you stay away from him._

Rey thought she had the upper hand on the matter here, but that was until Bazine decided she may as well reply to Solo in her native language, setting them both off-balance in a blink of an eye. The two soldiers look at her in a daze of incomprehension. Judging by the stiff tone of her words, they can nonetheless assume it was nothing deferential – which is probably unsurprising. If in need of any more confirmation, Lor calls her name with a low, scolding voice. Bazine hushes the old man with a quick gesture of the hand, unmoved, and pulls at the scarf covering her shoulders while she presents Solo with her most convincing rebellious gaze.

“What’s the matter, soldier? You’re not answering my question, troubles hearing ?” The woman lets out a click of tongue to let them know just how much she’s aggravated by their attitude. “Yes, that’s _right_. Do you think the IAF is fucking stupid? Don’t you think they have Jakkuvian imperialists and interpreters ?”

Solo keeps his lips sealed, hands joined in front of him as he sits right next to Rey on the small living quarters. Pressing her advantage, the woman continues – just when Rey senses something clicking in the back of her mind with a shocking realization.

“You don’t speak Uthuthma, nor Teedo dialects. I’d give them two minutes to spot you in a crowd if they have only half a brain left. So tell me about your great idea to run into a checkpoint again.”

For all it probably costs him, Solo is not a man to sleep on his wrongs. He gives Bazine a small nod, listening to her with actual hearing.

“I’ll admit it’s a dicey move…,” the man trails off. “But the longer we stay here, the longer we put you both at risk. This is our fight to bear, not yours.”

“ _Please_ ,” Bazine tells him sarcastically. “Don’t be patronizing with me. I’m done batting my eyes at men over glory, this is no time for chivalry, sweetheart. If you get caught, we'll likely be going down with you as well, so I’d rather have you succeed—as sad as it makes me to see you leave my sight.”

The last part gets lost somewhere in Rey’s busy mind, while the woman stands up and moves across the room slowly. Solo hasn’t form an answer to any of that just yet. He’s not oblivious to it either, but simply chooses to not pretend at any games, for which he earns an honest look from Bazine. The woman is now packing her bag in the half-lighted corner opposite to them. When she turns again to face her audience, she gives Lor a long, thoughtful look. The pair exchanges a few words that the two soldiers cannot fathom the meaning of.

“Starspeed, dear one. May the Force be with you.”

“May the fucking Force give me a break,” Rey can hear the woman mutter while she makes her way to the exit, covering her hair under the black silk scarf.

A cold silence follows her departure in the dead of night. For a few moments, no one seems eager to ask the question, but the medic is unsettled. She shots a glance towards her captain, still draped in the brown linen clothes he disguised himself in to wander around Tuanul. Under another sun, Rey could’ve marveled at his charismatic presence, filling the air with his nerve-burning gravity – the center of a whole universe, she may wishfully think. But this night was not the night to indulge in it, not with Bazine’s words echoing under her skull like a ghost transmission.

Rey at least owns her the courage to unravel the truth, draped in forever gray shadows.

“She’s going to deliver the gunpowder, isn’t she ?”

“Ah, yes,” Lor answers with a sheer amount of surprise.

Now, she _wants_ to know.

“Is it true, what she said—about the interpreters ?”

“Yes,” the old man frowns slightly, puzzled. “They need for work around, with people.”

“Why isn’t she working for them, then ?”

Finally, a small smile peaks at the corner of Lor’s mouth. The white-haired man brushes the flat of the monochrome tunic in his lap, and Rey can see his weary eyes lighting up with a new glimpse of vivacity – a resolve he holds deep in his heart, so deep that no one could snatch it away from him. It’s the glowing shade of pride for the one he calls his daughter.

“She do not want work to the Empire.”

And with that, Rey knows she has misjudged the woman gravely.

 

**

 

It may have been over an hour since Bazine left, maybe more. After they’ve been offered yet another meal by their gracious host – not quite as filling as military rations, but sustainable enough for them to function, they went back to the small room nudged underground, where all of their gear was still purposefully hidden behind wooden shelves. The initial fear of getting caught on the spot had faded ever so slightly, and it didn’t seem that much necessary to conceal their presence furthermore. Solo and his medic agreed to sleep in the open of the cave, free to stretch their limbs as they pleased. Lor was even kind enough to lend them a thin mattress cushion, sparing them the pain of the cold, hard stoned floor by a few centimeters of padded fabric. It wasn’t much, but it still felt like the biggest luxury in their state of hammering decay – one they would share without arguing, because the time for such reserve was long gone anyways.

“Do you think it can work ?” Rey asks.

“If the old man can get us a convoy as he claims to… Maybe. It’s not that bad of a plan.”

Laying under a pool of blackness, the young woman carefully listens to Solo’s steady breathing to anchor her thoughts. The warmth of his body is radiating next to her with a pleasant sensation – even if they’re not touching, she can feel it just the same. It’s making her chest pulse with a heavy longing that she shamefully came to despise, yet one she wants to cherish all the same. Here, on the sanctimony of their nights, she knows the man’s heart – or so she thinks. She’s his ally, she’s his friend. It’s just them against the rest of the world, and she would let herself be consumed by the weight of his soul if he’d ask her to. It’s a poisonous dream, and a guilty one, but Rey’s too tired to pretend.

“You don’t like it, do you ?” she speaks in a soft voice, eyes wide open into the void.

“I don’t like when other people are involved. Too many variables. Trust is running cold these days.”

“But it might work.”

“It might,” Solo concedes, dark voice rising from his chest. “Or we might at least be able to see you make it out.”

“No—” Rey suddenly objects, every sore muscle of her body protesting as she jolts upwards too vividly.

It took her just a second to let the fears break her resolve. _Not showing, showing_ – she doesn’t know anymore. Her breathing is coming unsteady above him, her hand is clenched around the textured fabric of the long tunic by his sides. Her knuckles brush against the frame of his long torso, and she can almost feel the weight of his gaze scanning in her direction, thanking the darkness for concealing her expression to anyone – especially him.

“What’s that ?” Solo keeps his tone detached, purposefully.

 _Maybe he knows_ , Rey thinks in a succession of rapid heartbeats. Barely swallowing down that throbbing anxiety past her dry lips, she gathers what she hopes to be a steady enough voice.

“We’re making it out together. The both of us.”

There is a pause between them – something heavy and terrifying, but when he speaks again, Rey finds herself tugging at the resolve in his voice like a warming fire.

“I don’t have time to waste on hopes, Rigel. Whatever happens, happens. But either I’m getting you outta here—or die while I’m trying.”

“Well, _nice_. Because—same,” the young woman growls back at him without hesitation.

“Careful. You’re growing a bad temper.”

There is an edge to his voice, a playful one.

“You might wanna talk to my CO about that.”

Solo laughs. It’s a unique, mesmerizing sound, and she worships it with every fiber of her being. She’s drawn to it, like a moth to the flame, she’d want to wrap herself in the touch of that dazzling laugh. She’d want to laugh with him, but she’s too conscious about the hurricane wrecking the foundations of all rational thoughts and Rey is unable to escape, unable to tame it down.

“That’s it ?” Solo teases her. “I leave you like—two hours with that woman, and now you’re giving me a hard ass.”

He has shifted next to her, she feels the movements more than she can see them. Even in the pitch-black loneliness of the underground room, Rey is catching fire, ablaze with forbidden impulses. She carefully lays back down, bracing herself for what she knows might happen, hoping – not hoping. In the next moment, the young woman rests her head in the crook of an arm he has extended to her. Her breath is flinching, airways clogged with the musky scent of his body.

“Bazine _likes_ you,” she barely says. “She wanna know if you have a wife.”

Solo snorts with laughter.

“Yes, I do.”

“You—do ?” Rey chokes out against better judgment.

“Yeah, she’s called the Alliance and she’s sucking the fucking life outta me.”

Her body relaxes without her own accord, betraying the tension his words have ignited in her. She possibly cannot play that part. She’s too close to him for him not to notice. Sure enough, he moves his head. A hot breath is now humming next to her face and it takes _everything_ from her to not wrap an arm around his torso and lose herself in the scent of his neck.

“What ?” Solo says with a puzzled tone. “You thought I was being serious ?”

“I—I don’t know. You could’ve. You’re…”

Rey doesn’t know how she wants to end that cryptic sentence, and so she frowns and keeps quiet. Silence is better than words she cannot take back.

“I’m _what_ , Rigel ?”

 _Damn you, Solo._ She clears her throat, uneasy.

“I mean, obviously, you have your _fans,”_ she tells him with just too much of a rise in her voice. “Not like… this is any of my business, of course.”

A small silence plagues the space between them, letting Rey wonders if she has crossed a line. But where is the line anymore? Is it in what she says, or in what she does? What’s the product of the desperation and tenuousness of their fates, what’s the result of their misleading behaviors? This cannot be right, yet it never felt wrong. It’s a surrendering battle, and Rey is marching towards it like a fool.

“I think we both know who you’re talking about,” Solo replies in a low, calculated tone.

It gives her time to readjust, diligently. For just a moment, the young woman might deceive herself in thinking she can make it out unharmed.

“I didn’t mean to be nosy, Sir. I’m sorry.”

Another silence. Yet he sinks _closer_ to her – or is she going crazy? He hasn’t moved, but he’s just _—there._

“Tallissan isn’t my _fan—_ pretty much the opposite these days.”

“You don’t have to explain, it’s really none of my business,” Rey carefully lays out to cover herself.

“It’s called having a conversation, Rigel. Get over yourself.”

“Right. Sorry—” she blurs out once again.

And now, she hopes he’ll keep talking because she really wants to know that much. It’s not Lieutenant Lintra to him, it’s just _Tallissan_. Something stings in her chest. He called her Rey just once. Does it make a difference? Would it make her happy to have the details? Why would she be happy about it, if it’s not for the spark of hope painfully lodged between her rib cage. _You’re such a fucking fool, woman._

“We dated on and off for a few years, but as much as we tried, we really didn’t work out together. We’re better off at being a pain in each other’s ass. At least, I’m good at that—but you would know something about that.”

“You’re not a pain in my ass, _Sir_. Not unless you’re dying on me, I mean.”

“Trying my best to impress,” he laughs silently.

Just like that, the tension between them is melting into a warm feeling of solace. Rey shouldn’t be glad, but she _is_. She is to know that Lintra is history, that they didn’t work out together. Rey doesn’t want to share him with anyone else. This is so very selfish, but she cannot help it. Solo is _her_ captain, and she’s jealous. There is no point in denying it anymore, she recognizes the hot pressure in her chest when Bazine is hovering too close to him when it should be her.

But she doesn’t have that luxury.

“What about you ?”

“What about me ?” she repeats after him.

“Do you have someone ?”

“No, I’m not as popular as you,” Rey bravely tries to fake a joke, while she’s dying inside.

“Fox has a thing for you.”

“The _fuck_  ?” she hisses in alarm.

She almost hits her forehead to his in her scare, putting a hand to his chest as she rolls onto her side.

“I guess that’s not a good sign for my boy,” Solo tells her. She can _almost_ see the smirk on his lips.

“That’s—I mean, he’s like a _brother_ to me.”

“I had a feeling you’d say something like that.”

The man shrugs, she can trace the movement based on the light touching of her hand on him. She should take it back, but she can’t force herself to do so. The heat of his body is burning underneath the flat of her palm. She wonders what it would feel like to touch him without the barrier of his clothes – not in a medic fashion, like a lover. What it would be like to wrap herself around him, to grab his shoulders while he – _For fuck’s sake, woman!_ A new wave of heat is crawling to her face with vivid embarrassment, just to match the one set alight between her legs. That’s it. She’s losing her goddamn mind!

Rey rolls back onto her back with a swift motion, taking her hand with her like she’s been bitten by a venomous snake. She might as well be, at least she wouldn’t feel that dreading need for someone she cannot have.

“Even so, we’re in the same unit,” she forces out over a hoarse breathing. “It’s not like we could date—and I don’t _want_ to.”

“Oh, he knows. It’s just a little crush, Rigel, relax. And he likes his squad more than he likes you, no offense.”

“Yeah, well, I’m glad !”

Her words sound bitter even to her ears, more than they should be. She’s not handling the situation brilliantly, to say the least.

“You don’t like having _fans,_ ” Solo comments without any intonation.

“No, I don’t !” she quickly responds, eager to put an end to her misery. “I’m not good with that—all the personal things. I hate the longing and—”

Rey bites on her lip painfully. _Fucking moron_.

“And ?”

 _Don’t say it, don’t._ Her chest is moving up and down to the rhythm of her increasing breathing. She’s feeling too hot, trapped under layers of linen and leather. Her hair is a mess by now, sticking to her forehead, falling out of her buns. She wants to rip everything away, indulge in her fury and her exasperation at herself. But Rey’s not a quitter, and she owns her next words with as much courage as she can possibly manage.

“The touching.”

“You hate it.”

It’s not quite a statement, but not a question either. It’s his low voice echoing in her ears to drive her mad, hint of accusation over her own actions. _He knows, he fucking knows._

“That was different,” Rey barely breathes out, tilting her head to him instinctively.

“Of course.”

Still barely an answer. She cannot read him – she never knows what he thinks, what he _means_.

“You know it was,” she tries to justify again, terrified by what she’s suddenly saying. “I was scared. We might fucking die !”

“We might.”

Still the same detachment, driving her to a sharp edge of her restraint. Rey finally surrenders, because it might be too late anyway. She might as well say it, for he can probably feel it already.

“I don’t hate it—while here. I needed it.”

“Because we might die,” Solo generously offers her, providing that graceful escape she desperately needs.

“Because we might die,” she repeats like a coward.

The words taste deeply wrong on her tongue, like a mouthful of crushed glass. She knows it’s the smart thing to do – the _right_ thing, but it makes her feel like the biggest failure she ever was. She went this far, and it was all on her doings. Rey’s not perfect, she’s damaged and she has many flaws, but she’s _not_ a coward. She never was, and if she might die sooner than later, she will not take that with her. She will not brush off the feeling of his arms around her and the words he said to her then, like a friend.

“It wasn’t because we might die,” she says without breathing. “It’s because it was you.”

There, words she can’t take back. A horrifying concept to live by. But at least, she won’t regret it if she catches a bullet next thing in the morning. All in all, she’s not even interested in his response. It was for her more than it was for him, she realizes. She holds herself to higher standards than just being a weak girl infatuated with her superior officer. Not even Solo and all of his handsomeness can change that.

Surprisingly enough, the man hasn’t said a word just yet. She has expected a scolding at best, a sarcastic comment maybe – _something_. But all she can discern from him is his movements next to her while he’s doing—Rey doesn’t get what he’s doing exactly.

Suddenly, Solo rolls over, one of his elbows brushing next to her opposite shoulder. The young women almost misses a heartbeat then, her hands resting against his solid chest while he’s propped above her – not really pushing him away, because why would she do that. A big hand traces the side of her arm, sending shivers down the back of her spine. She feels the tips of his fingers lightly caressing her burning skin while he’s searching for her neck in the dark. He stops when he reaches it and Rey cannot breathe anymore, her jugular pulsing under his touch like a river of molten lava. Before she can comprehend it, something soft falls on her skin; a piece of fabric.

Solo reaches with a hand to her nape, tangling his fingers through loose strands of hair just for a brief moment, a selfish gesture she would concede to him any day. He then tucks the piece of fabric around her neck, closing its ends in front of her as she realizes what he’s doing. It smells like him, of course. Rey parts her lips over a soft sound of escaping air, hoping he would never stop touching her. His breath is _so_ close to her lips. Solo secures the bandanna with a light knot around her neck, and rests the weight of his body on his elbows, not completely that she wouldn’t feel it though. She loves the way he presses into her, tense and suffocating. And she wants to be consumed by his warmth, lost in a galaxy of outer possibilities.

“I don’t hate it either,” he proceeds to tell her, his voice so intimate that she tucks at his tunic involuntarily to have him even closer.

“You—”

“I’m your CO, Rigel,” he chooses to remind her.

“I know. Sir.”

Yes, she _knows_ it. This is their reality. It’s a painful one, but she realizes Solo is not the type of person to throw everything away for a flirt. He too might like his squad way more than he could ever like her. There is no mystery about that, and she understands that much. That’s all she will get from him, and that’s all he will give her. Rey’s overwhelmed by her thoughts and by the _need_ he elicits from her. Nothing like she has ever experienced before. It's not just lust, it's something way deeper, way more intimate than that.

If she’d just raise her head upwards from a few centimeters, she’d meet his lips and right now, there’s probably nothing she’d like more in the entire world. Not even safety. But she won’t do it, because his reasons for not taking the chances are driving her to respect her captain even more. What a blissful irony. She’d never do anything to break that trust, not even something as innocent as a single kiss.

It wouldn’t be innocent. It would ruin her, she already knows it.

“Don’t die on me,” Solo whispers into her hair. “That’s all I ask for.”

 

\--

 

NOTES: Hope you enjoyed _that_ chapter! Man, these two are driving me INSANE. I'd appreciate if you'd leave a comment, it makes me work faster. ♡  
(Also, you know the drill, still waiting for you on [twitter](https://twitter.com/codeblackspace)!)


	11. Are You With Me

 

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

 

Rey had years of training to learn how to compartmentalize her mind. It was a game of survival, what kept her alive most of her childhood. When things were too complex for her to reconcile, too difficult to deal with, when she didn’t have the proper tools, she could just push them off out of the realm, under a blanket of dust. She would pretend and try her best, emergency services only as she called it. It was not a healthy response, but it was an effective one – and she needed to be effective. Always. Now more than ever.

Moments before the first lights of dawn, the upstairs commotion is waking her up in a flash of adrenaline, heart pounding painfully in her chest. She rolls over without breathing, reaching out for her 9mm before she can even stand on her feet, still dazed from the last remains of her sleep. Solo is even faster. He crashes into the opposite wall, M4 in hands, ready to take down any threat coming down the narrow staircase. Suddenly they know – any respite they were barely clinging to is definitely over.

The two soldiers exchange a silent look, each of them on one side of the door frame, and there’s no time for planning. Whatever is coming at them is coming _now_.

The heavy struggle of bodies and voices is getting closer. Tensing in the dark room, Rey seems to recognize Bazine’s tone in the middle of the agitation. The woman’s speaking in a harsh voice, uttering things in her native language with an unusual edge to her words, like she’s running out of air. It quickly occurs to Rey that something might’ve gone terribly wrong during the night, and they’re just about to find out exactly what. The next second, people erupt in the stairways.

Her brain tries to picture the situation despite a fear of wasting the precious time they probably don’t have. She said she won’t hesitate – she _can’t_ , and she won’t. But the first thing she sees is Bazine’s slender body tripping down the stairs under the weight of another person. Before Rey can be completely sure, the two of them are already setting a foot in the basement and the man crashes into the hard floor with a grunt of pain. Bazine inhales furiously, her black hair loose and sticking down her sweaty neck, eyes wide with exhaustion. It’s the most disheveled Rey has ever seen her, the contrast is flagging.

Upstairs, the pressing voice of Lor is still having a conversation neither of the soldier can interpret. Bazine shots a glance over her shoulder, snapping back something at the old man right before he disappears hastily.

“What happened ?”

Solo has lowered his rifle, deeming the threat non-alarming for now. He’s standing two steps away from the man with a rigid posture, not quite unguarded yet.

“What do you think ?” the woman bites back between difficult breaths.

She sounds like she’s been running from something – which is not a good sign. Under the faint light descending from the opening, Rey finally manages to take a good look at her blood-stained hands. It doesn’t take a genius to put the pieces back together, but Bazine continues her ramble, more for herself than for them it seems like. She’s fuming with rage.

“There was a _rat_ and now, we’re all going to die! _Ne movu !_ ”

As she speaks, she crouches down next to the man, her face hardening under the pressure. Rey recognizes the soft black silk she has used to wrap his thigh up, not tightly enough to stop the blood from flowing out though. The medic formulates a silent inquiry at Solo, waiting for the approbation of her CO before she can do anything. When he gives her a single nod, Rey tucks back the handgun at her belt and goes on to retrieve her gear. She yanks a familiar bag closer to the unknown man and grabs her trauma kit, sinking to her knees next to them.

“What are you doing ?” Bazine asks her with just a hint of reluctance.

“I can help. I’m a combat medic.”

“Are you now,” the woman snorts ironically. “Oh, that’s just fucking perfect !”

From the shiver in her voice, Rey can tell she’s not far from losing it.

“Give me details,” Solo continues with his practical attitude, tense and alert. “Did they trace you back here ?”

“I don’t know. But I know they will. That _son of a bitch_ … We cannot stay here long. We have to go !”

While they speak, Rey has grabbed a pair of medical scissors and rapidly cut an opening on the man’s pant, now soaked in blood. He’s got a single entry wound to the upper thigh, small caliber, no exit. The bleeding isn’t that bad that any major artery would’ve been damaged, luckily for him. He wouldn’t have made it that far otherwise. With steady hands, the young woman opens a new pack of gauzes and firmly presses it down to the wound, earning another groan of pain from her patient. His head falls back heavily to the ground, eyes rolling under his lids. Rey secures the gauzes in place with dressing bandages, making sure it won’t move until something more appropriate can be done. For now, as far as her supplies go, that’s the best he will earn from her.

“We need to go to the mountains,” Bazine tells them, her face almost as cold as her voice. “Right now.”

“He won’t move on that leg,” Rey frowns after checking the barely noticeable pulse of the man laying on the floor.

“He _fucking_ will if he wants to live.”

The sound of heavy footsteps coming down the staircase stops her from replying. From all the unexpected things she could’ve seen, Rey didn’t prepared herself to witness the sight of Lor carrying an old carbine over his shoulder. It seems deeply out of character for the old man, like a grotesque accessories stolen from a young boy, almost offensive – yet probably not surprising.

“We have to _go_ ,” Bazine urges him, insisting on the last word with all the conviction she’s capable of.

“Yes, yes. I am taking them to Gannis and when I come back, we go.”

“No.” Her tone is so severe it sounds like a threat. “You’re gonna get killed.”

Once again, Lor replies in their native language, preventing Rey from further understanding when it comes to their speech. From their attitude alone, she can still figure out the global direction the exchange is taking, and Bazine is shooting daggers with her eyes.

“Just tell me where I can find your contact,” Solo cut them dry, his patience running paper-thin. “We’ll go on our own.”

Lor shakes his head at the captain.

“You can’t find him. He said three days. It’s only one now.”

“Fine !” Bazine almost yells back. “I’m taking them. But I swear to the Force, old man, you better make me a damn saint when I come back !”

 

**

 

It’s an eerie sensation, being out in the open once more. Rey has spent a little over thirty hours in that basement, but it may as well have been a whole lifetime for the air to fill her lungs like she’s taking her first breath ever.

The sun is slowly rising over the flat horizon, draped in crimson red clouds of dust dancing vividly in the air. It seems like the desert is coming alive with every new turmoil, breathing on his own, pulsing underneath the hot sand surface. A storm will hit them in a few hours, she learned that much from her months in Jakku, but for now, the sky above their heads is still clear blue and almost cooling. Rey takes a wistful look at it, longing, stopping the course of time for just a few precious seconds. It’s a luxury, a futile dream.

She often wondered about those points of non-return, the turning moments where life was entering a new course of action with no setback allowed. Was it when she choose to enlist in the Alliance, or when Solo had picked her to complete his squad? Was it when she jumped in that chopper with him despite protocol, when she fell through that window when he gave her his bandanna because he couldn’t give her anything else ? Maybe it was way before any of this. When she ran away from the abuses and spent cold nights under Corellia’s rain, vowing to herself she wouldn’t be this helpless ever again. She wouldn’t be cold, and she wouldn’t be powerless to face her own life.

Now the child is gone, and the woman is yet crossing another defining moment.

“Rigel,” Solo calls sharply. “Get in.”

There is no turning back now. Whatever happens, happens – but at least, she’s not alone in this.

Rey quickly sinks into the front seat of an off-white pick-up. Things haven’t turned out that great for their escape plan. Even though Bazine was able to lead them to that Gannis guy, he positively freaked out upon seeing them under the present circumstances. Maybe it was the blood on Bazine’s hands, maybe it was the fact the IAF was minutes away from taking down one of the biggest rebel networks of Tuanul, all thanks to the help of one single traitor. All of them were now exposed, and trust was a thing of the past.

Rey couldn’t possibly blame the man to back up from his words. He was just trying to save his own life, maybe his family’s, if he had one. But a decision needed to be made for the two soldiers, and the unexpected path sealed its fate once again around them.

Their vehicle is an old model, with a single cab and a large cargo area on the back. It’s packed with bags of dry beans – their official cover-up for wanting to hit the road south, towards Reestkii. Rey has hidden her gear between the heavy canvas sacks, along with Solo’s remaining M4, praying it doesn’t get discovered. Next to her, the captain closes the passenger door – trapping her between his massive frame and Bazine on the driver’s seat. It’s a foolish leap of faith, but it’s their best shot.

The woman turns the key in the ignition with a barely trembling hand and the engine roars painfully.

“If we get stopped, don’t speak,” she tells them. “Let me handle the military. I have the transport papers from Gannis.”

“Are they real ?” Solo asks, voice laced with pragmatism.

“For the beans, yes. Not for the two war dogs I’m trying to smuggle out.”

 

**

 

The first checkpoint comes into view as soon as they turn to engage into the main road crossing Tuanul. It mustn’t have been that far from the route they followed upon entering the city, during their initial raid, because Rey is under the impression the biggest buildings on the perimeter are somewhat familiar. Although it’s just a vague guess from her part, as the memories from that night are blurred under a thin screen of smoke, tangled in the back of her mind.

Aligned in front of a half-wall of mud bricks, grey uniforms are blocking the way out in the distance – she can count half a dozen standing watch. Few people are pacing the streets at this early hour, but they’re not the only vehicle coming along to exit the city. Maybe they’ll get lucky in the process, just for once.

Tensing in her seat, Rey tries to keep a straight face. A linen shawl is resting on top of her head, crossing over her neck and coming down her sides – wondering if she can effectively pass for a local girl. She’s probably sunburnt enough for that – Solo on the other hand, not that much after the six months he recently spent in Chandrila. Rey’s bare shoulder is pressed into his arm, and she can feel the rigidity of his whole body. She suppresses an urge to look at him, knowing it wouldn’t do her any good right now, but she’s glad to have him by her sides. It makes everything less excruciating. _You’re not alone,_ her mind recalls.

As they get closer, her attention shifts to the imperial soldiers. She avoids their faces purposefully, checking for their hands instead. They look like a bunch of trigger-happy men in this particular morning and the information isn’t comforting to her. Rey doesn’t doubt one second they have permission to fire at will if they come across what they’re looking for. And they’re looking for _them_.

Upon reaching the roadblock, Bazine is forced to slow down, the motor of their old pick-up rumbling under the rusted hood. The windows are down and a small wind blows inside the cabin. With one hand, Rey readjusts the sand-color shawl around her shoulders. Her pulse is beating faster by the second, expectantly waiting for something to go _bad_. She already trails an infinite amount of scenarios somewhere in her brain, trying to come up with a parade for every dangerous situation that might occur. Her handgun is lodged behind her back, she will need a few precious moments to reach for it. She cannot exit the vehicle unless her captain does it first, so that’s another problem. Most of all, she doesn’t know where she would go. They’re completely in the open, the IAF soldiers wouldn’t have any trouble targeting them before they can reach for cover.

Rey takes another sharp breath and looks past the last barricades of the bastion city, over the vast sand territories rising ahead. The sunlight is still low enough to wash everything away under a bright gleaming halo, making it difficult for her to maintain her gaze too long. A reflection on the truck’s metallic fender in front of them catches her eyes and she blinks awkwardly.

“What’s that ?”

A nearby voice has lunged forward. In the middle of the dusty road, someone crosses in front of the pick-up. Rey follows the movement without a sound, noticing the black automatic weapon strapped across the soldier. No one is in a good mood this morning and the air is busy with intelligible dialog. Something is unsettling not being able to understand the words.

A man steps closer and intercepts Bazine, his gloved hand resting on the rail of the window. The woman answers him as she would to an old acquaintance, steel nerves and collected attitude. The exchange seems unnecessarily long, or maybe Rey is just too anxious to take another breath. Somehow, no one has yet pierced their vehicle with a rain of bullets, which is nice.

The soldier finally removes his hand from the door.

He’s about to step aside to let them go through, if it wasn’t for the silhouette posted near the front end of their pick-up. His face is shield against the light, but Rey notices the way his body conveys a dangerous message. That fucker is about to get them busted.

The young woman moves her hand aside slowly, heading to her back. She feels Solo’s leg pressing into hers, as a mean to keep her still. Unless he’s trying to tell her something. She can’t be sure without looking at him, but right now is not the time to take her attention off that particular man. He gestures something at his comrade with a sharp motion, and the other one reconsiders his inspection.

_Fucking hell._

Now, the first man is moving to have a closer look at the cargo area behind them. He didn’t bother to ask for any documentation, which is an odd thing, but are they really concern with legal inbound here? Somewhere down the line, Rey’s pretty sure the Empire doesn’t give two shits of what their ground forces are actually doing, nor how they’re impacting the lives of these people. If it was the case, they wouldn’t plague the region with minefields, they wouldn’t invade cities and restrict circulation. Jakkuvian civilians are mere casualties to them. They probably even coerce people to claim a share on—well, _everything_. But if that man keeps looking with such attention among their loot, he will find something way different than dry beans.

Maybe they should’ve left their gear behind, but they’ll need it if they can make it out alive. It wasn’t a safe choice, but it was a necessary one. Or so she thought up until now. Keeping a firm grip on herself to not falter, Rey can feel her apprehension on the back of her neck, cold as ice in a land of fire.

Against all odds, the grey uniform blocking the way out slowly moves aside. Rays of light are reflecting on the silver buttons of his jacket while he walks to the next vehicle on the small line, and they’re free to go. Just like that.

There is no gunshot, no alarm, no interjection. It feels like a strange miracle, one of those Rey has troubles to believe in. For a long moment, no one dares to speak, letting the sight of Tuanul fades in the rear mirror with each passing kilometers. Solo takes a few looks behind them, keeping an eye on the road. A trail of dust is flying behind them as Bazine hits the gas.

A short while later, her voice finally breaks the overwhelming silence of their trip.

“You’re really walking under good stars,” she smirks ironically. “I can’t believe they let us pass like that.”

“Sloppy work,” Solo comments. “They must’ve been pressed over the rebel issue.”

“Lucky for you! I will leave you when we’re far enough from the city. If you follow the main road, you should be able to join Cratertown in two days. Think you’ll make it ?”

“Don’t worry, we’ll manage.”

“What about you ?” Rey asks, still concerned for the safety of their helper.

The woman gives it a quick-thinking before she answers, her hands moving on the steering wheel.

“Lor must be on his way now. The IAF doesn’t know all the roads of this country. We’ll stay in the mountains for now, I guess this rebellion is just starting.”

“For what it’s worth… I think you did a brave thing,” the medic offers her with a soft voice.

Rey doesn’t get any sort of smile in return, just a bitter nod of acknowledgment.

“And look at me now, running away like a criminal. But I suppose I’ve got nothing left to lose after this. No going back.”

There is a pause between them, where Rey contemplates the right thing to say. She doesn’t want to appear naive or idealist in front of Bazine, knowing full well that the skates are particularly high on her part, but she probably won’t see the woman ever again. Now is her last chance to speak, and maybe – just _maybe_ – Bazine needs to believe it more than Rey ever will.

“At least, you’ve still got hope.”

“Hope ?” she snorts with all her characterized cynicism. “What’s good with that ?”

“Rebellions are built on hope.”

 

**

 

They almost made it.

It may have been half an hour or so of driving straight ahead, into the desert. The storm is closing on them in the distance, the sky turning into a dark shade of rusted colors over the horizon. Rey has buried half her face under the linen fabric, trying not to breathe in the sand particles floating around them. Even with closed windows, the air of the small cabin is saturated. The visibility on the main road has decreased gradually, preventing them from spotting the incoming convoy further ahead.

When the two black vehicles come into view in front of them, it’s too late to change direction.

The military transports are easily identifiable, reinforced with light blinded armors on each side. On top of the second Humvee, an unmanned machine-gun is towering over them.

“ _Fuck_.” Solo shifts on his seat.

Before they can think of anything, the convoy comes to an abrupt halt in the middle of the road, blocking the way for them. Bazine has no other choice but to stop. The next thing they know, soldiers are setting foot outside of their transports and closing on them without hesitation. Why did they target the old pick-up? Did they have some Intel? Was it completely arbitrary? They _almost_ made it. But those soldiers are fully dressed in black uniforms and move around with belts of automatic magazines ready to be used. Something is terribly off, Rey can feel it.

“Get out !” someone yells at the three passengers.

Amid everything, the young woman catches a glimpse of Solo’s eyes. He’s telling her nothing, he’s telling her _everything_. This is now, the last straw of their running luck. And it will go down.

“Get the _fuck_ out !”

To make his point, the soldier yanks open the driver’s door. Bazine welcomes him with raised hands, carefully stepping outside of the vehicle in silence. It’s not long before Rey has to follow under the menace of more weapons pointed at them. The wind picks up the loose fabric of her clothes and makes them dance around. Right in front of her, Solo’s black hair gracefully swirls around his head like a mystical character. He’s moving at a slow pace, calculating, asserting the situation. The moment is stretching in an agonizing haze.

“Where are you going ?” asks an unsympathetic, cold voice, belonging to a middle-aged man.

He initially directed his question to Bazine, but quickly returned his attention to Solo. He’s not an idiot, and that’s not good news. Rey’s not familiar with the ranking displayed on imperialists uniform, but judging by his attitude, she would assume he’s the officer in charge of the unit.

“Reestkii,” Bazine finally replies.

“Reestkii ?”

The officer’s tone is meant to be engaging, casual, but it’s a false promise. He doesn’t care about the answer.

“What about Reestkii ?”

“We’re doing a delivery,” the woman continues. “I have the papers.”

If she’s afraid, she doesn’t show it. Rey is impressed by her determination.

“You want to see it ?”

The officer turns his head to take another look at Bazine, as if he had already forgotten her presence. This is bad, Rey thinks. She’s quite good when it comes to reading people, and her instincts are telling her to run. They’re _fucked_. Nonetheless, the man gives a nod of approval and she frowns, confused. It makes no sense to her. This is a game. The way those people move… they don’t bother to ask for identification. They’re a task force, highly trained. They don’t do low ranked jobs like this.

Bazine then turns around, making her way back to the pick-up.

Under the menacing sky of Jakku, the IAF officer pulls a weapon out of his holster and shots her.

The echo of the single gunshot roams around the vast opening like thunder – but there is no rain, only gushes of blood staining the burning sand like an obscene scenery. The woman crumbles onward, dead before she can even touch the ground, a bullet lodged right through her brain. Rey can’t even manage to scream under the shock of the gut-wrenching vision. She silently watches while the events unfold, her body feeling numb to her own cries of panic.

The nearby commotion pulls her back from the emptiness like a car crash.

Solo has drawn his weapon out and shot one of the soldiers. Another one is grunting in pain while grabbing his bloody shoulder, lucky enough to still be alive. The captain is quickly overpowered by the number of his opponents and a violent blow to the back of his neck sends him to his knees. Next thing she knows, Rey jumps aside and tries to reach for her handgun, her blood turning into liquid fire. She’s not going down without a fight, _no way_.

Before she can take a good aim, two muscular men furiously collide into her body. _That’s it, we’re done_. One of them snatches the pistol from her hand while she’s panting with rage like an animal. She’s stripped from the long piece of fabric hanging on her small frame, revealing her hair, and yanked around.

Rey is forced down into the hood of the nearby vehicle. She grunts in pain when her left cheek slams into the hot metal without warning. The soldier methodically twists her arms behind her, restraining her wrists with a strong grip. She’s instinctively drawn to fight the pressure to free herself, but there’s no use in it. She only earns another wave of acute pain traveling up to her shoulders, as the man is almost dislocating them in the process of holding her down, trapped.

_You failed. And now, you’re going to die._

Heavy hands roam over her body roughly and everything that should frighten her is just making her less and less cautious. Biting on her tongue with fury, Rey keeps her eyes open and focused onto the squad’s officer. That touching has nothing to do with a security check anymore and everyone knows it. It’s an assertion of power. _Of course,_ she’s the fucking woman. They’re bound to think she’s the weak one. Maybe they think they can break her like that, have her beg for mercy – but they just _don’t_ get it. That’s fine. She can let them think that for now.

_You can’t even save him._

The soldier spreads her legs wider, palpating her in every place possible long after he founds the remaining knife strapped down her lower leg. Rey growls like a feral animal. That bastard might very well enjoy himself at the task. If she could, she’d spit on him, dug her nails behind his eyes even. She’s burning with a new rage, and they’re fueling it with each hand grasping at her ass like a good old joke. For just a moment, she’s sixteen again and she’s looking into very different eyes. She’s looking and she’s tightening the cord around the man’s neck until he let go of her. She’s tightening until he starts to choke, eyes wide with an unfamiliar terror, blue lips sucking for air. It’s the closest she’s ever been to take revenge on life, and _damn_ , did it taste sweet.

She never told anyone why she ran away so far – why she enlisted into the Alliance at barely seventeen, to the only formation that would’ve allowed her to, despite still being underage for most of the adult life in Corellia. But Rey wasn’t too young to save lives, just barely too old to be able to walk away from attempted murder. It was either the army or the correctional center, and she chose wisely. But these men don’t know any of that, because if they did, they’d point a gun at her head instead of helping her survive.

The only truly terrifying thing left in this reality is that her captain doesn’t know it either – and he furiously takes the bait.

“Don’t—touch her,” Solo grunts with a menacing voice, despite the danger of his position.

 _That_ – that’s hurting her.

“Look what we’ve got here," the leader speaks out, eyeing their service weapons. “Two M9. I’d bet you two are military.”

Solo is showed flat to the ground and one soldier presses a heavy boot between his shoulder blades to pin him down.

“Which makes you the two scums that breached the city the other night.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” the captain manages to breathe out, his lips brushing in the dirt.

“Lemme help you with that, comrade !”

The officer sends his combat boot right into Solo’s mid-section with brute force, knocking the air out of his lungs instantly. The captain can’t even mutter a sound of pain before another blow hits him in the same spot. He curls up onto his side, trying to take another breath, but the beating is far from over. The next run hits him straight to the head, sending him to his back, blood spilling from his mouth.

Rey jolts upwards in alarm, just to be smashed down again. She shouldn’t react, she _knows_ she shouldn’t. But it’s too late for that. Her voice rises in sheer panic, terrified they might beat him to death – or kill him by accident just the same.

“Stop it! _Stop_  !”

Another soldier joins the party in turn and hits Solo in the back, causing the man to involuntarily moan in pain, unable to defend himself. Rey’s watching the action in complete horror, dreading the fateful moment they will cause him irreversible damages. She can already see him dying from internal bleeding right in front of her eyes and it’s far worse than been hit herself. She would _gladly_ take it to make them stop.

“Get off him ! Get off him, you motherfucking pieces of shit !” she yells like a spitfire.

Someone roughly pressed a calloused hand to her mouth to silence her, preventing the young woman from breathing at the same time. Rey furiously bites into it without notice and the man behind her flinches in pain. A few seconds later, she’s free again, but a powerful slap strikes her across the face, causing her to blink into nothingness once or twice. She falls to the dusty ground, catching herself on her knees, still searching for Solo.

“Load them up. We’re taking them in.”

 _Bad. That’s bad._ Before she can get a chance to react, Rey is dragged away by the grip on her neck. She’s pushing on her legs, trying not to suffocate, and her back hits the side of a metallic panel with a sharp pain. Her wrists are pulled together and tied up with a black plastic handcuff, digging into her skin like claws. Moments after, she’s showed without care into the back of one of the Humvee, engulfed by the darkness of the armored vehicle. Her chest is pounding like a machine, her mind burning with anxiety, but in the midst of all of it, there is only one thing that matters.

_That’s fucking bad._

Rey rolls onto her shoulder, trying to steady herself in a better position. The door is still open. Solo falls next to her with a weird sound of a sucking breath. She wants to help him badly—but she can’t, and that’s the most painful thing she’s ever felt in her entire life – being forced to watch her captain drooling blood all over himself, hands tied behind his back like a fucking criminal.

She should be terrified not knowing where they’re taking them, not knowing what is yet to come, in a land where no one will come searching for them. She should be on the verge of losing it – having all the reasons to – but all she can feel is a black, swirling void consuming her emotions all at once like a growing hurricane. Rey’s pushing everything aside as fast as her sanity can, letting go of all rational thoughts, she’s _compartmentalizing_. Because right now, the odds are down below zero for them.

They were renegades – but now they’re war prisoners.

“Ben,” she barely whispers next to him. “I’m with you.”

 

\--

 

NOTES: That was... a lot of things happening. I hope you don't hate me too much! Thank you for all the support in the last chapter, it truly means a lot to me! I love reading all your comments! 4 chapters to go, and things keep getting worse, my poor children. But you gotta earn that relationship! xxx


	12. The Other Woman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends! Just to give you a head's up: this chapter is NOT happy. Mind the tags please.  
> There is heavy angst, there is blood and physical violence. Rey goes under a bad situation but there is no sexual abuse going on, just to let you know. 
> 
> Aside from that, it's a very -very- long chapter. I thought about cutting it in half but it didn't feel right to me, as the whole action is supposed to be experienced back to back. It really took a lot from me to get it done and I'm super happy to be over this it! But I love the result and I hope you'll like as much as I do! :) xxx
> 
> PS: The opening lyrics are from [this song](https://youtu.be/LCJxOW7xkoU), in case you want a mood!

 

 _Even if this day won't come_  
I'll burn a thousand moons just to light a single sun  
And now the darkest hour collides  
With our unguarded lives

 

✯✯✯

 

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

 

_It’s a long ride._

Rey has been blindfolded, but she can still hear them.

At first, she has tried to listen for anything helpful. A glimpse of information, something to tell her where they were being transported, just in case. Quickly enough, the young woman has realized the soldiers weren’t going to discuss anything of interest in front of the two prisoners – it would’ve been surprising to begin with.

She has to remember these men aren’t fooling around. They’re elite forces, stronger than her, smarter than her. They know what they’re doing, and she can’t make the mistake to underestimate them. But Rey isn’t going to surrender just yet. Not after everything she went through, no way. She’d rather die trying, again and again.

At least, Solo is still with her and that’s everything she has left to fight for. Deep down, she already knows it won’t last much longer and she’s dreading that ultimate wound. They’re probably going to be separated upon reaching their destination. That’s what you do when you catch enemy personnel, right? Rey never had to ask herself those kinds of questions before. Her job isn’t to play warfare, she’s here to rescue people. She’s not stupid though and she can draft a pretty clear picture of what is awaiting them at the end of that ride. If she’s lucky, it will be quick and painless – although she doubts it. She should be scared, but for as long as she’s breathing it means the fight is not over. _No one’s gone until they’re gone._

Next to her, her captain has fallen completely silent. She came to scoop closer to him on the back of that Humvee, leaning over his body as no one was stopping her from doing so. She can feel his head resting on the crook of her shoulder, a laborious breath brushing over her skin, and that’s maybe the only sign of his state. She’d like to hold him against her, but she’s unable to – tied up as she is. Instead, she lowers her head, resting on top of his, and she just listens to the sound of his breathing. If there is just a single chance, she will take it. If there is an after to this, she will hold him, just once. That’s her hope, the core of her own rebellion.

At the end of their drive, the vehicle finally stops and a new rush of anxiety erupts in her chest, burning her throat like liquid fire.

She hears the movements, the doors slamming, the footsteps. It smells different now. It smells _sour_.

Rey jumps in surprise when someone grabs her arm to drag her out of the Humvee without care. A combative grunt escapes her lips and she almost falls headfirst to the ground, stumbling on her feet awkwardly while she’s mourning the sudden loss of her captain. She could protest, she could argue, beg, ask, shout. But she won’t. It would be a terrible mistake to give them more than she already did. They would use it against her, one way or another, and the mere thought of that leverage is terrifying.

“Get her downstairs.”

That greedy voice belongs to the squad’s CO, Rey knows that much. She wouldn’t forget him, not after what he did to Bazine. If she ever gets the opportunity, she decides, he will die first.

“Prep him for questioning.”

A harrowing feeling suddenly freezes the air in her lungs when Rey realizes what’s really happening. They’re already dragging Solo away from her, and there’s nothing she can do in her position. Panic starts to creep in her mind, paralyzing. Against better judgment, the young woman can’t help but try to fight the painful grip on her arms – a desperate attempt to stop the course of events, to rewrite the story, to do _something_ – anything. It’s utterly breaking her to the core, igniting every single one of her nerves in agony to know that her captain is going to be tortured until he gives those men whatever information they’re after.

And he won’t talk, _oh he won’t_ , making everything even worse – not being able to look at him right now, as it may well be the last time Rey sees Ben Solo alive.

 

✯

 

**Rey Adhara – Days in captivity: 1**

 

On her third try, Rey finally succeeds in sliding the blindfold off of her face. Pressed against a humid, irregular stone wall, the young woman backs away slowly, seated to the ground. She blinks a few times, searching for a source of light, but her surroundings are bathed in cold darkness. She must be underground – _again_. Something’s different from Tuanul though. Her brain already registered the different smell floating around this place, it has nothing to do with the desert. While trying to keep her nervous heartbeat under control, she scans the obscurity in silence for any clue, wondering where she is. A facility maybe, somewhere secured – a place with proper cells Rey soon realizes, as her adjusting vision is tracing the vertical shape of metal bars blocking the only exit. They can’t be out of Jakku though, so this must be an imperial FOB.

Does the Alliance knows its location? Most likely. They have satellite recon and various levels of military Intelligence. Even without being an expert at it, Rey is aware of such things. Do they know their two missing soldiers are here? Very unlikely. Are they even searching for them? In her situation, it’s better not to ask herself that one question. She doesn’t need false and cruel hopes. She’s alone in this. Alone with Solo, which arguably makes her not completely alone. _Neither are you._

Out of a sudden, a small cough breaks the hammering silence around her and Rey sits up in alarm. Maybe she’s not alone _at all_.

Now that her eyes have adjusted to the ambient light, the young woman can take a better look at her prison. Pushing on her arms, she gets up carefully and walks over to the rusted bars separating her from the rest of the room. To her left, a cemented wall made of rectangular bricks is preventing her from having a visual on what she figures might be other rows of cells. For a hot minute, Rey just stands still in her corner, listening, carefully thinking. The trepidation in her mind is almost unbearable. Is this a deadly mistake? If she makes the wrong move, she might lose everything she has left – and it’s not much to begin with.

The young woman leans on the brick wall, her tied hands slightly trembling against each other.

“Hello ?” she barely whispers.

There is no answer to that, but she can _feel_ the presence of another human being in the space next to her. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Rey still considers the probability of it being a trap, a wicked scheme designed to get her trust – to have her confess information to the enemy. Yet, she decides it might be worth the risk. If she can manage to get herself an ally, then her odds are improving. She has vowed to take _every_ chance, even the smallest ones, even the desperate ones.

“Can you hear me ?” she says, a bit louder this time around.

Her voice sounds foreign even to her own ears, deformed under the weight of fear. Rey tries to calm her nerves, breathing in and out a few times. There is no point is combating the circumstances. She’s here now, and the reality of it can’t be altered. But even caged and powerless, she can still _think_. She can draft a million plans about the ‘what if’. She just needs one of them to be true.

“Hello? Are you alright ?”

That might be a stupid thing to ask, but you can’t take the medic out of her.

On the other side of that wall, she can now clearly hear someone slowly moving around, and finally—they speak.

“Been better.”

The low, husky voice belongs to a woman. She sounds like someone who hasn’t talked in quite some time, or as if she’s in desperate need of water. Trying to gather her thoughts, Rey listens with more attention to the sounding hints of her presence.

“Do you know where we are ?”

It seems to be the most vital piece of information to Rey. She needs to know what’s outside of this place, just in case.

“Not sure,” the voice trails off. “Somewhere over the Goazon Badlands… maybe even as far as Carbon Ridge.”

 _Carbon Ridge_. Rey can situate it on a map. It’s a postulate that would explain the cold temperature and the humidity in the air. On the other side of the badlands lays Cratertown, and then Niima Outpost. On foot, it would take days, weeks maybe. Not a very realistic journey. Even so, she’s still no closer to escape the supposed FOB – making it a problem for later. At least, the woman seems to have a better view on the situation than Rey does. She needs to work this at her advantage – whatever it may take.

“How long have you been here ?”

She’s reluctant to answer, Rey can feel the delay in her response.

“Some time.”

The vagueness of the statement is purely deliberate, but there are answers even in the words she doesn’t speak. She’s cautious about the details she’s willing to tell Rey, probably reluctant to trust a stranger, even in her position. It’s understandable. Some time means _enough time_ to be unable to maintain the composure in her voice, yet not enough time to let her defenses crack. She’s still on guard, and she’s still alert – but her body is drained and she’s in physical pain. Rey’s familiar enough with those issues to identify them in anyone.

“Are you military ?”

That’s the first question the unknown woman asks her. For a split second, Rey considers her options with a weary mind. It still might be a trap, but Rey’s clearly not a Jaks, so what would be the odds for her not to be in the army? Besides, the IAF already knows that much. Acknowledging the fact to that woman wouldn’t give them any more information than they already possess, and it might give her enough ground to work her trust.

“Yes,” the young medic finally answers.

A small silence lingers under the obscurity, revealing the faint sounds of their breathing.

“Are you ?” Rey asks in return.

“Yes.”

That’s deeply comforting to her, knowing that someone else is allegedly on her side. Even without knowing each other, the two women have already enough in common to share that precious bound. It’s something special – a sense of comradeship you can’t get just anywhere else. It’s a pledge of trust, and she grabs onto it with all her resolve.

“What’s your name ?” the voice speaks softy.

“Rey.”

Once again, no point in lying about that. They haven’t come to strip her down just yet, but Rey imagines they probably will sooner or later. Once they do, they will eventually find her dog tags – and her full name. She could try to hide it somewhere but it doesn’t seem very realistic. Besides, unlike her captain, she’s not an officer – she’s virtually no one and her identity isn’t of any importance to the IAF. She might as well give her real name to that woman.

“I’m Blue.”

That, on the other hand, is telling her a _lot_ of things about her cellmate.

“Do you think they’re listening to us ?”

“I don’t think so. Walls are blocking any radio signal down here. Maybe a listening device… but unlikely.”

Rey doesn’t ask Blue to elaborate on the subject. Either she’s right and the two women are left to their private discussion, or it’s a stratagem from the IAF to get her talking. In both cases, she should be careful about what she tells the other woman. Nothing that could put her friends at risk, or Solo. She quickly decides she won’t mention him at all in front of Blue. There’s no use anyway. Not for now, at least.

“I think I’ll go back to sleeping now,” Blue whispers. “You should too, sleep whenever you can. Take everything you can. Just in case.”

Another coughing fit. It sounds really bad and— _obstructed_. The woman couldn’t possibly feign something like that, even if she was trying to. That’s not how the human body works and Rey’s an expert on the subject.

_Alright Blue, maybe I’ll trust you._

 

✯

 

**Rey Adhara – Days in captivity: 2**

 

It isn’t a good sleep. Rey keeps waking up every two hours or so, her mind stressing over the events again and again. Every time she falls asleep, she keeps dreaming about Solo – desperately trying to hold on to him as faceless soldiers are dragging the captain away from her in the dark of her mind. She sees Bazine too, being shot in a cruel recollection of memories, waking up with a cold sweat down her spine each and every time. By the time Rey finally gives up and pushed herself off the hard ground, she isn’t sure just how many hours have passed. In the meantime, no one has come down to visit the two prisoners and she starts to wonder just how long they intend to keep them alive. Will they get food or water?

In one corner of the dark cell, Rey brings her knees up to her chest, hugging herself in a comforting embrace – the kind of gesture lonely kids tend to do when they’re neglected. Her body is growing cold and sore. She gives another look of scrutiny at her surroundings, but nothing stands out. It’s dull, purposefully designed to numb her senses and her mind. There is not even a mattress she could sleep on, only a rusted bucket on the opposite corner she’ll need to use at some point. But for now, her body is too dehydrated to even be able to perform such basic maintenance. If she goes another day without drinking, it will become a real problem. Maybe it’s their plan, leaving her down here to die from thirst.

Eager to distract herself from her flaring despair, Rey scoops closer to the bars. She’s gazing over the desert room, listening attentively. There is no other sign of life and for a second, her anxious mind comes up with the ridiculous idea that she might’ve hallucinated the existence of Blue. Maybe it was just another one of her dreams and she’s effectively alone down here. The thought of it is suddenly unbearable to her.

“Blue,” she quietly murmurs, unsettled. “Are you awake ?”

“Yes.”

Upon hearing the woman’s voice, a wave of relief instantly washes over her.

Rey shouldn’t let herself be so affected by the presence of that stranger, but it may be already too late for that. The circumstances are nothing but abnormal. Under such stress, her brain is seeking attachment and comfort in all the places it can get. Since she deemed Blue as a trustworthy individual, she’s now forming a bond with that woman that most people wouldn’t grow in ten years of existence. There is just something so twisted and personal about shared trauma. When you get to see someone at their lowest, during the hardest time of their lives, nothing else really matters afterward. If they ever get out of there, they’ll be friends till their last breath.

Rey has already experienced that kind of relationship once – with Solo. And now she’s here, having genuine concern for a woman she knows nothing about, not even her real name.

“How are you feeling ?”

“You keep asking that…,” the woman points out.

“It’s just—you’re coughing a lot.”

A pause.

“I’ve been here for a little while…,” Blue finally answers, carefully weighing her words. “It’s not that great.”

“Did they—did they do bad things to you ?”

“Nothing you can do something about.”

Rey’s carefully thinking about the meaning of her words, a bitter taste down her throat. She can’t know for sure without looking at her, but she already has a pretty good idea of Blue’s condition, judging by her voice and the dreadful cough bothering her. It utterly sounds like she has internal injuries, and the pain must be excruciating. She most likely has been beaten. Just how far are the soldiers allowed to go? This is a no man’s land and they’re far, far away from courts-martial.

The boundaries could quickly crumble. Did they? Rey involuntarily shivers in fear.

“How old are you ?” Blue asks. “You sound young.”

“I just turned twenty last month,” Rey tells her, picking up the empathy in her words.

“Twenty… Fuck, I remember being twenty.”

“Was it that long ago ?”

“No, maybe not. But it feels like it.”

Blue sounds like she’s in the mood for talking, so Rey keeps quiet, hoping it will encourage the woman to continue. Surely enough, her cellmate pursues the confidential discussion from the other side of the wall.

“I was in D’Qar at the time,” she tells the young medic. “It was my first posting.”

“Someone I know was in D’Qar too for a little while.”

“A friend of you ?”

The memory of Finn crosses her mind with a blissful pinch of melancholy, missing the man more than ever. They were many things during their time together – trainees, comrades, friends, even more than friends during one instance. But above everything else, they were teammates and Rey greatly regrets the man’s absence in those terrible hours of need. Another part of her is yet grateful to know that her unit is safe and sound, away from this madness of a war. She seeks solace in that idea with a feverish heart.

“Yes,” she finally replies. “We kinda lost contact during that time, but I remember he said it was a nice country.”

“It is. Green, covered in jungles, nothing like this fucking sandbox. Mosquitoes are terrible though.”

“I would trade right now,” Rey poorly smiles.

“I would too.”

There is no pity in her voice, only irony. Despite her injuries, Blue is still fighting that battle with her mind. She’s a strong one. For a brief moment, Rey considers the thought of telling her she’s a medic – maybe try to assess her. But even with a diagnosis, there is nothing the young woman could possibly do to help her. It’s probably not worth the angst. From what she learned, most soldiers don’t like to be presented with evidence of their own fragility. Right now, it’d only be a painful reminder of their conditions.

“You should go visit,” Blue’s voice breaks the silence once more. “If we ever get out of this shit.”

“We’ll go together,” the young woman offers heartily.

“Yeah, we could do that. I know a nice bar there, drinks on me.”

“It’s a date then.”

“Noted,” the woman laughs.

For a few seconds, the warmth of her soul is taking over the despair of that dreadful prison. From the sound of her laugh only, Rey paints a mental portrait of the woman to herself, effectively trying to imagine their time in D’Qar. It would be nice to take a vacation – to go somewhere with a friend and leave everything behind. They would’ve some fun, not being soldiers anymore. But the reverie is cut short as the woman starts to struggle again, sucking in a sharp breath, almost coughing on it.

“Blue ?”

This time around, she only grunts in response. Rey painfully bites on her tongue to refrain from asking if she’s alright, knowing full well the answer to that pointless question. Their foolish dream is already dissolving in silence, replaced by the harshness of their reality once more. Rey can feel her mind faltering under its weight like a dying ember. She moves her hands under the black cuffs digging on her skin, trying to get some blood to travel to her extremities. Taking a deep breath, she asks the next logical thing on her checklist.

“Are they… looking for you? Your—friends ?”

There is a long pause before Blue even tries to answer. When she finally speaks, her voice is wet and difficult. Maybe she’s silently crying on her side of the wall, shielding her grieving from the rest of the world – even if it’s just down to Rey.

“My friends are gone. I’m the last one.”

“I’m sorry.”

She had wished for a different answer, but Rey had already thought it was unlikely, seeing that they’re alone down here.

“Is there someone looking for you, Rey ?”

“No,” the young woman tells her with great sadness, ripping away that last hope from Blue. “No one.”

“I guess those drinks will have to wait then.”

“It’s alright,” she bravely forces out. “It’s monsoon season anyways. We’ve got some time to kill.”

 

✯

 

**Rey Adhara – Days in captivity : 3**

 

Water, at last. Barely enough to soothe her crying body, but it’s better than nothing. Food doesn’t seem to be on the menu though. It doesn’t matter, she can keep on going for now, she doesn’t feel hunger over her fears.

Rey takes the last sip out of her precious ration, an aluminum goblet clutched between her dirty fingers. Footsteps have already retreated behind a closed door and the isolation is starting to toy with her mind. She can’t tell anymore how many days have passed. She doesn’t even know if it’s currently daytime outside of her prison, and she hasn’t been here nearly as long as Blue.

The two women have kept on talking, sharing simple things from their respective lives like two old friends would. It was never detailed, no names, no places, just fragments of it, an anonymous recollection of memories. Nothing that could be used against them by a potential onlooker, but personal enough to nurture their newly-found bond. Blue was no stranger anymore; she was Rey’s last lifeline and every single time the young medic was reminded of her own helplessness, a new shard of pain was scarring her entire being.

Things are getting tough on Blue, and the armor is starting to crack.

During the last hour or so, she has fallen completely silent. Rey’s mind is starting to run around in alarm like a caged dog, relentless. When she finally hears her name, spoken like a soft plea of help, she instantly crawls back in the near corner of her cell, pressed against the corroded metal bars.

“I’m here,” she exhales with a trembling voice.

“You haven’t been—trained for that… right ?” Blue asks her, painfully fighting the words with every breath.

“What ?”

“Listen,” the woman tells her, barely above a murmur. “When they come for you, don’t fight it.”

Her first instinct is to spurn that idea fiercely, draped in unrequited pride. Rey doesn’t want to surrender, no matter the price. It’s the last thing in her possession, her last reason to live, and she can’t fathom a reason for Blue to ask that out of her. Yet, something prevents her from hissing a single sound between dry lips, and she keeps on listening like an obedient soldier.

“You must look submissive,” Blue instructs her. “Never fight back. Make them think you’re weak **—** broken. Honor is for dead people, not for you. Exaggerate your injuries, exaggerate the pain. You draw every bit of empathy you can get from them, always.”

Stunned by the survival lesson she’s now getting, Rey’s body goes numb, overwhelmed by the burning sensation suffocating her chest.

“If they give you food, you eat. They give you water, you drink. Don’t be a hotshot, be smart,” the woman says. “Never sign anything, never trust any promise. They will lie to you, they will tell you horrible things. But remember—you can’t stop a war, it’s not up to you. You understand ?”

“Yes,” she hardly replies.

“They will—hurt you,” Blue says, her words cracking ever so slightly. “You can’t do anything about it, let it go. Let go of everything, except your mind. You keep your mind alert one more hour, one more day. You take the next chance, and the next. You only need _one_ to get through it. There’s always hope, remember.”

“Do you really believe it? Blue, do you have hope ?”

Rey barely stops a sob from escaping her throat. There is something deeply unsettling in the woman’s attitude, causing for the medic to feel way younger than she really is – vulnerable even, and in desperate need of reassurance. In the pale shades of light filtered through closed doors, Rey can discern the contours of a single hand reaching across the bars – reaching for _her_.

She squeezes her own hands in the small space between two bars, her face grotesquely pressed against the cold, sharp metal. She doesn’t care anymore if she gets herself an infection from a bad cut, she just wants to hold that hand. She _needs_ to hold it. It’s an odd angle, unpractical, both women struggling to reach the other from their adjacent cells. Eventually, Rey manages to close her trembling fingers around Blue’s. The woman gives her a firm squeeze, her skin’s burning hot under the touch, like a last token of humanity in the middle of their freezing abyss.

“Yeah, I do,” she tells Rey. “I have hope for you.”

As she coughs, Rey holds her hand tighter in her embrace. She would like to say something important, something brave – something to thank Blue, to comfort her as she’s comforting Rey. Instead, she just keeps on holding her hand silently, ignoring the agony wrenching her stretched limbs. If anything, the silence is a witness to a hundred words, unspoken. Rey’s eyes are stung with tears but she keeps them from rolling down her weary face.

Distant sounds of footsteps are closing in again, heavy paced. Reluctantly, Rey is forced to let go of Blue’s hand and she retreats just in time – before the door of the room flings open with a creaky sound.

Two men in black uniforms enter without pausing, the first one marching towards the row of cells. Rey feels her heartbeat chasing stars, dreading the ultimate moment when they will come for _her_. But the soldier walks past her without pausing while his comrade stands guard nearby, an automatic rifle cradled between his arms. This can only mean… Her relief is cut short when Rey abruptly realizes what’s happening. In the cell next to her, she hears muffled sounds of movement.

“Get up !”

No protestation, no cry, no fight. She remembers Blue’s words – she has to play the part. She’ll be alright. She’ll come back. Rey tries to reassure herself, failing miserably at the task. Without noticing, she has taken a few steps towards the bars. A shy breeze of hot air brushes over her skin through the exit door, left open. The young woman holds on to the metal bars with a steel grip, as one would seek help to stand up.

When the man erupts in the corridor once more, he’s dragging another silhouette with him. Rey’s gaze falls upon Blue, taking in the sight of her disheveled appearance – brown uniform, limp arm, greasy hair and bruised face, bloody lips, bloody chin. A set of eyes as sharp as a knife and – under the glimpses of light peeking through that door – as blue as the deepest shade of rain.

 _Blue_.

Then it hits her – a mutual acknowledgment. Rey parts her lips on a wail of stupor. _Blue. Blue Leader._ She’s not Blue, she’s Tallissan Lintra. And until that very moment, Rey wasn’t Rey to her, she was still Rigel. The two women stare at each other in complete shock for another spare second, just moments before the lieutenant is dragged out of the room.

 

✯

 

**Ben Solo – Days in captivity : 3**

 

“Let’s try this one more time.”

Ben keeps his head down without moving as a new bucket of cold water washes over him and splashes on the ground. His wet hair falls around his face, droplets dripping down from its ends like a curtain of rain. The man fixes an imaginary point between his feet, chained to the same metallic chair he has been for the past—what, twelve hours maybe? At this point, he doesn’t even feel the bite of the cold on his skin anymore. His fingers have gone numb, so have his legs. But at least, they’re keeping him hydrated and clean. What a fucking joke.

A hard slap on the back of his neck is prying a grunt of pain from the back of his throat.

“It’s a simple question,” the interrogator insists with a perfectly calculated voice.

_But not a simple answer._

“I am a soldier of the Alliance,” Ben delivers his lines like a robot, flat toned. “Fighting in the name of the Free World. I am prepared to give my life to defend my–”

Another punch catches him in the jaw with a sharp amount of pain, stinging his already bloody face. The muscles on his neck are burning under the stretch, as the force of the blow knocked his head to the left. Slowly, the man forces a shallow breath down his lungs, his nostrils flaring in rage while he spits out the blood pooling on the back of his mouth.

“C’mon, Captain,” the officer tells him. “That bullshit’s getting old. All I need is a few names and we can stop that nonsense.”

From the few things he knows, Ben has learned that _this_ man’s name is Snoke – or so he calls himself. He didn’t give his rank to Ben, but the captain knows he’s talking to someone higher up on the chain of command. Snoke doesn’t do the beating and the dirty work – he has people doing it for him – but he watches closely for any reaction. He’s a professional, highly-skilled, possibly specialized in interrogation techniques. He’s been trained to the job. But so has Ben.

The captain knows what to expect. He knows it’s best to avoid eye contact, and to keep looking straight, no matter the question. There are some things he cannot control, and the weaker he gets the harder it will become to keep his body from betraying him. But he’s not there yet, and he can still fight back the abnormalities.

That’s not something he wants Snoke to know though. Ben has been in a very difficult position for days, tortured, starved, beaten – it’s time to show a little crack. The longer he can drag this on, the weaker will be any valuable information they might extract from him. He won’t be able to be silent forever, but he can give them false leads and wild bantha chases.

“I’m just here to follow orders,” Ben bitterly says. “You really think—they’d tell us sensitive information like that? No, I only get a target. I don’t know his identity. And even if I did, I’d rather die than tell you.”

Maybe he overplayed the last part. Nonetheless, Snoke doesn’t seem to take offense in it.

“So— _loyal_ ,” the man snorts, ironic. “I could use more soldiers like you. But I don’t need your target’s name, I already know it.”

 _Well then, why are we having this doshin' discussion, old fuck?_ Ben stays silent, utterly confused.

“You think I’m bluffing ?” the man casually asks, his voice scraping the nerves on Ben’s skin like chipped nails. “Your target was Crix Madine, a highly trusted member of the commando forces. I believe it’s something very similar to your squad, Captain. The favorite dogs we send into impossible missions. But alas, Madine wasn’t so trustworthy after all, was he? Unlike _you_ , who would never betray your peers. I bet you hate traitors too.”

It’s uncanny for Ben to be given those pieces of information under such circumstances. Ironically, he never knew the identity of Yellow Moon up until now. That wasn’t a lie. But as much as he could stop and reflect on the bigger picture here, Ben has other immediate concerns in mind – presumably his very own life. He doesn’t give a shit about Madine’s allegiance, no matter on what side it lays.

“Here, we do,” Snoke insists with a dark, animalistic growl. “So you can imagine how heartbreaking it was to discover that Madine was secretly providing Intel to the other side. And just before we could get him to _talk_ , you came and snatched him from our hands.”

Snoke rolls his tongue with a disapproving sound. If he wasn’t in such a dramatic position, Ben would’ve laughed.

That man has a very interesting way of presenting the facts. His speech pattern is conflictual, alternating casual tone and short outbursts of dominance. He’s pragmatic and collected, almost praising Ben on one hand like a golden boy, just to distract him from the chokehold on the other. Snoke is sure of his effect on the captain, standing still on his perfectly tailored grey uniform, hands behind his back like he’s trying to mock Ben’s forced posture.

The bloody water has been drained to the center of the tile-covered floor – easier to clean than a cemented surface. The officer’s boots are making a flat noise on the cracked pattern of white squares. Snoke suddenly grabs a handful of Ben’s hair and tilts his head back abruptly, forcing the captain to look at him directly. _He’s really one ugly bastard_ , Ben thinks. Grey bushy eyebrows frown over a pair of small, bloodshot eyes.

“He didn’t do all that by himself,” Snoke hisses between his teeth. “Now, it’s time to spill the beans. I want to know _who_ , I want to know _where_ and I want to know how many rats we have on board.”

“I don’t have—that information.”

“Oh, but you _do,_ ” the man viciously says. “And if you need some motivation to remember, I’ll help you with that.”

Snoke releases his grip on Ben, letting his head falls back in front of him with exhaustion. The captain closes his eyes, furiously combating the strong feeling of nausea rising from his chest. He knows exactly what sort of promises is hidden between those words and he’s _terrified_. He did his best to push back that thought under layers of protective steel. He tried to focus on the present situation, maybe with a delusional hope that it wouldn’t come to this. But Ben _knows_ , and he never felt so helpless in his life ever before.

Just as if he needed a reminder of the outcomes at stake, a brutal kick on his side sends him to the ground. His right shoulder takes most of the impact as he lands on it with a painful growl. Ben shifts his head, trying to remove strands of hair blocking his visions. He heard Snoke walking away from him and lost his sight for a second. Fear is creeping under his skin, desperately eyeing the only door of the small interrogating room. Ben ignores the man standing next to him, unbothered by the continuous threats he’s promising the captain with just too much enthusiasm for it to be purely professional.

When the door finally opens, cold air leaves his flat lungs. A brief conversation occurs between indistinct silhouettes. The bright neon light hanging over his head prevents Ben from having a better look at them. He braces himself, barely maintaining his composure, and then—the world crumbles under his feet. All hopes are swept away, and the darkest hour of his life painfully collides with his wounded soul.

“Say hello to your captain.”

Snoke is walking back, his hands aggressively clutched around Adhara’s arm while Ben utterly wants to fucking die.

_Don’t let it show, don’t let it show._

To give himself some substance, the captain manages to push himself upright, kneeling on the ground like an injured animal. His whole body spasms in pain, protesting the change of position, while his mind keeps sinking lower and lower into an abyss of despair.

She looks so young under the cruel light washing over her frightened face, giving Ben all the opportunities to lose himself in that pair of green eyes. Her hands are tied in front of her, defensively pressed against her chest. Ben instinctively notices the orange scarf around her neck, peeking under her lose brown hair. Somehow, it’s a comforting sight – they just don’t know what it means to him, a blissful secret in the face of their enemies. The captain could only wish for it to remain that way.

When Snoke forces her to the ground, Adhara awkwardly falls on her knees with a rebellious gasp. She’s still _there_ , she’s still fighting. Ben perfectly remembers the first time he saw her in the flesh. She had a very different look on her eyes back then. He could’ve picked a more experienced medic, a stronger guy, someone who had seen it all. But Adhara has that resilience that so few people possess, it makes her stronger, brighter. Even now, even as terrified as she is, he can still see it burning in her.

_I’m so sorry._

That’s the words he’d like to say to her. Ben didn’t bother to apologize for a lot of things in his life but to her, he would. He should’ve been better at his job. He should’ve saved her from this. He failed her, but she’s still looking at him like he’s the most capable man in the world and it’s _wrecking_ him.

“Now, Captain, let me ask again.”

Ben involuntarily shivers. The tension in his arms drastically increases and he digs his nails into his palms, fighting the urge the speak. Nothing good would come out of his mouth right now. He needs to _focus_ , keep it under control. But how do you do that, when someone is threatening to kill a person you care about?

Snoke gestures a single hand to one of his subalterns. The soldier promptly obeys and hands him down a combat knife the size of his forearm. Ben can only watch, a turmoil of anger rising in his chest, as the officer trails the blade along Adhara’s neck. She winces under the menace, eyes wide and glassy, and her fingers curls up around the fabric of her scarf.

“I want their names,” Snoke commands. “And we can all go home.”

 _Lies_.

“All you have to do is talk and you can save her. Wouldn’t it be nice, Ben ?”

Adhara gives a little whimper of protest upon hearing his name. In front of her, Ben is losing his fucking mind, breathing like a bull. He can feel the blade digging on her skin and a single drop of blood is starting to form under the pressure. _It’s all lies._ Killing her now would be a mistake, they need her to coerce him. Snoke knows that, Ben knows that. They _all_ fucking know it, but his brain is dissolving into sheer panic regardless. The captain has lunged forwards, mentally replaying a hundred different ways to kill the man.

He’d do it with bare teeth if it comes to that.

“Still not feeling chatty? I see.”

Without warning, Adhara earns a kick into her lower back. She moans in pain and falls, face to the ground. Before she can move, Snoke steps on her with a heavy boot, pinning her down without care.

“We’ll have it your way, then,” he tells Ben with a monotone voice.

It’s a trick, only designed to blame her pain on him, even though Ben has little choice in what’s happening. He didn’t choose to hurt her. He’s not responsible for that, but it _sure_ feels like he is. And now, he has to watch as that fucking bastard is crouching next to her and sliding his knife under the leather of her belt. The sharp blade cut it without effort and Ben goes white with rage.

“We don’t like to do this, Captain. But you’re forcing our hands here.”

His mouth feels dry and burning. Fury flashes through his brain when Snoke tries to yank down her pants. That’s not war anymore, that’s revenge, and Ben is ready to implode.

“Get off me, you fucking shit !”

Adhara’s voice is ringing higher under stress. She furiously swings a foot towards the man, trying to catch his face. It won’t do her any good, but _damn_ she still tries.

“You !” Snoke barks at the other man. “Come here and get it done.”

“Sir.”

There is an awkward moment of hesitation between the two of them. For the first time since he got here, Ben spares a glance at the individual. Hitting another man seems like a fun sport to him, but suddenly, the prospect of raping a woman leaves him unsettled. What a fucking good time to grow himself a conscience, and Snoke will not have it.

“You have a problem with my methods, soldier ?” he spits in pure anger.

“ _Sir_ ,” the man answers without looking at his superior officer.

“Then get the fuck out! Get out !”

Another pause. The two subalterns exchange a quick look in silence. Maybe they're weighting just how bad that decision could hurt them. But finally, they choose to walk away like a single man, while Snoke is standing up with a fuming expression painted all over his wrinkled face.

“Fucking cowards. Where do I get some real men in this shithole ?”

Ben can barely hear the rumble of the cold voice in the back of his head, too busy thinking about the fact that every personnel is now exiting through that door. They’re having a heated argument outside the small room. Relentlessly, the captain scans his surroundings for a chance to grab. _Something_. Alas, there is no way out and they’re still trapped here. The next minute, Snoke nonetheless disappears in the nearby corridor, chanting a rain of insults towards his men.

The metallic door slams shut with a clicking sound.

They’re alone.

Adhara tears her eyes off the door in a single heartbeat. There is no time for hesitation. She crawls to him and closes her fingers around the front of his wet shirt, leaning into his chest. Ben lowers his head to her, breathing in the scent of her hair like a breath of fresh air. He has never wanted to hold someone in his entire life more than he does now. And he _fucking_ can’t.

The captain closes his eyes, unable to think straight.

“I can’t—I can’t give them what they want,” he painfully utters. “You understand that ?”

“Yes.”

There are no conditions in her acceptance, leaving Ben completely stunned.

“I’m sorry, Rey.”

“It’s alright.”

She tugs at his shirt with more force, as if she wants to get them even closer, though it’s impossible. Her body is radiating with heat against his cold and abused skin. She’s like a sun in his world of dying moons, and he wouldn’t mind to die a thousand times to see her burn the darkness closing around them.

“You’re too young for this war,” he tells her. “I’m so sorry—I wasn’t able to save you.”

“But you did,” Adhara says just as her voice is breaking. “You _did_.”

“I wish…”

Ben only has a brief moment to know what he _wishes_. Maybe it’s his biggest mistake yet, but at least it will be his last. The captain presses his cheek to hers, guiding her head backward. He finds her perfect lips in a heartbeat, silencing the rational part of his brain for the first time in forever. What gives? They’re going to die, but Ben can’t let her go without that one kiss.

He thought about it a shameful amount of time. Since Cratertown. Since he had six months to spend doing absolutely nothing, nothing but to think about her medic and the way she looked at him in that chopper. Ben had prided himself in thinking he had seen it all, but he hadn’t seen Adhara coming. She wrecked down his walls without even trying. And the closer he got, the harder he fell for her. He should’ve never felt that way about her, but he did. Tallie was right about that. It was a bad situation, and Ben could never ever act on it. He knew it. It would’ve been an abuse of power on his part. Their dynamic wasn’t one of equals. He was her fucking CO, he needed to act like one – be a mentor, a friend. But now, _here_ , what does it matter anymore?

She kisses him back without hesitation, breathing in sync with him. Her lips are dry and shivering in fear. He can taste the salt of her tears but none of it matters. Ben would like to kiss her forever, freezing time until they’d grown old together. He tries to show her instead – how much he cares about her, how much he would have loved her. He tries to show her because he can't tell her. A sob escapes her throat and she parts her lips slightly. Ben kisses her with more insistence, caressing her tongue until they’re both out of breath.

“Rey,” he only whispers.

“I know.”

 

✯

 

**Tallissan Lintra – Days in captivity: 6**

 

Tallissan is dying. She knows it won’t be that much longer now, and she’s _glad_. She can’t take it anymore. The agony, the pain. It’s unbearable, excruciating. Her body has become her own personal enemy, broken, useless. She wants to be done with it, to be in peace at last. She wants to join everyone on the other side; this cruel joke has lasted long enough. She’s ready to die.

She fucking _was_.

But now, Rey’s here and this sick twist of fate just seems to go on and on without mercy. Rey—who’s, in fact, Rigel, which means her squad has failed somewhere down the road and Ben must be here too. He wouldn’t have let his precious medic been captured without a fight. Maybe he’s already dead too. But the only reason the IAF would have to keep the woman alive would be to use her against her CO.

That’s what they did with Tallissan.

When Captain Nive has been killed during the initial attack, she became the officer in charge, the one with the most military Intel. They’ve used every single one of her men to try to get something out of her. And they’ve failed, again and again. Until it was just down to Starck and her. At that point, Tallissan had been so beaten up that she’d started coughing up blood. Maybe if she had been rescued then, she would’ve had a chance. But now, it’s too late for that.

She can barely breathe, she can barely _exists_ under the pressure accumulating around her internal organs. She fucking _wants_ to die – but she’s still thinking about Ben.

He’s the kind of person who’s gonna fight as long and as hard as he possibly can, no matter the odds. He will refuse to talk despite how hard they’ll try to break him. _But there are no heroes, only men._ Everyone has a breaking point, and eventually, Ben is going to fall like the rest of them. It’s just a matter of time. It might not even take that long if they’ve already figured out how useful Rey could be in the process. They probably just don’t know _how useful_ yet, but Tallissan knows. Of course, she does.

She has known Ben for so many years. She has loved him – she probably still does. They’ve seen some shit together. They’ve done their fair share of stupid things. They have loved to yell on one another about just anything, to make it difficult for the other one, passionately. Above everything else, they’ve always been that person in front of whom they could break and cry, confess all the horrible decisions they had to make and all the friends they had to bury along the way. They have washed the blood off of each other’s hands more time than it should be allowed.

Tallissan knows everything there is to know about Ben Solo, and she also knows just how important Rey has become to him. She thought it was an odd thing at first – for him to get attached so easily to the young medic. She was concerned for him. But after those three days – after she unknowingly talked to _that_ Rey, she understands. She can see what Ben sees in her and if they could’ve had a chance, maybe he would’ve smiled a little. It’s been such a long war, for both of them.

It’s unfair, painful to know they’re here together. They always tell you not to date under the same chain of command, but it has little to do with orders. It’s all because of situations like _this_.

Tallissan hopes there’s still a chance. She wants Ben to survive this. She always was the optimistic between the two of them, but now, it’s harder than ever. At least, she knows for certain that the raid on Cratertown had everything to do with Ben’s mission. It’s no coincidence that they’re all here together. She’s slowly putting the pieces back together, making sense of the questions that were asked to her. They were intercepting communications. Just before the IAF attacked, her unit was transmitting crucial Intel to the Alliance.

She didn’t know at the time, but it looks like they played a major role in the whole operation. They helped coordinate the rescue with the undercover agents, and the Empire is now desperate to know who their contacts were. Something she hasn’t had a big lead on, but Ben might, as he most likely met some of them on the field.

He will deny it, he will lie, but it’s just a matter of time before he has to give them _something_. Are they hurting him right now? Are they hurting Rey in front of him to make him talk?

When Tallissan was dragged back to her cell, the young woman wasn’t here anymore. Now she’s anxiously waiting to know if she’ll ever get to see the medic again. If one of them isn’t dead before that.

Just as the dreadful thought crosses her mind, the prison door cracks open. A faint spark of joy bursts in Tallissan’s chest when she recognizes the medic. _Not dead yet_. But it might as well be the case. Rey seems unbelievably broken, her resistance drained to the core. She’s going through the motion without a fight, the need in her eyes has gone cold, buried under ashes. Tallissan shuts down the last of her sanity, abandoning every last piece of self-preservation she might've had. _This is for Ben_ , she thinks.

This is revenge.

Only one man is leading Rey towards her cell, the other one still posted next to the main door. They’ve gone sloppy under exhaustion, not fearing anything from a dying prisoner. Maybe they’re right, but maybe Tallissan has a rebel heart.

Biting on her tongue until she tastes her own blood, the woman pushes herself upwards just enough to crash into the metallic bars of her cell. She slides her leg in the soldier’s way, causing him to stumble on his feet. It’s a matter of seconds before he reacts. This is all she can offer to Rey, a few precious seconds. But the young medic immediately snaps out of her daze.

She collides into the soldier with her whole body weight, sending him back to the bars, her forearms pressing on his trachea while she grunts in rage. Tallissan is quick and unstraps the firearm from his holster. Before she can take another excruciating breath, she lodges a bullet right to his brain. The sound of the detonation burns her eardrums with a piercing echo. Blood spurts over her skin, bones and cerebral matter are splashed around, gruesomely. Nothing she hasn't seen before. The dead man falls to the ground like a rag doll.

Meanwhile, the remaining soldier is firing back but Tallissan has a better aim. She always did. And then, a dead silence.

Finally, her legs give in and she slides back to the ground, crying in pain in the ethereal aftermath of the attack. She doesn’t notice Rey until she has unlocked the door and she tries to get a hold on her.

“C’mon,” she tells her rapidly. “We have to go !”

“No, you go.”

“No !” Rey almost yells back at her. “I’m not leaving you here! C’mon !”

Tallissan could slap her if she had any strength left to do so. There is no time for that shit. She’s done, she can’t move anymore. But she’s not dying as a dead weight. No way. And Rey’s slowly realizing that. She’s a medic, for fuck’s sake. She must know too.

Losing a few precious moments to look into the eyes of that woman, Tallissan selfishly tries to find comfort in her presence.

“Get me out,” she pleas, her lips wet with her own blood. “I don’t want to die behind bars.”

This time, Rey complies without arguing. She slides her arms under Tallissan and helps her – drags her – until she collapses again outside of the dark cell, unable to take another step. _And this is how I die, with imperial blood on my hands. Have mercy on me, my friends, I avenged all of you._

“It’s alright,” the soft voice of Rey tells her, soothing. “You’re not alone.”

“Ben.”

“I’ll tell him,” the young woman sobs. “I’ll tell him whatever you want me to tell.”

Tallissan thinks about it – thinks about _all_ the things she’d want to tell him one more time. But none of it matters anymore. There is nothing left to tell. She lifts her hand and reaches under her blood-soaked shirt, her trembling fingers struggling to cooperate with her. Finally, Tallissan yanks the chain free from her neck and shoves the dog tag into Rey’s lap.

“ _Fuck_ them,” she breathes out.

“We will. I _promise_ we will.”

She closes her eyes, her right hand still clutched around the soldier’s handgun.

“I like you,” Tallissan finally says.

“I like you too.”

She can hear the tears in the young woman’s voice. She’d like to tell her not to cry, not for her. Not now. But she can’t find the strength to do it. A gentle hand comes to rest on her forehead, brushing back her blond hair away from her exhausted face.

“It’s alright. You did well. You fought enough. You can—rest.”

“Just go,” Tallissan forces out without breathing.

Rey bends over her and places a single kiss on her forehead.

“May the Force be with you, Lieutenant,” she quietly whispers just before she finally parts with her.

Tallissan listens to the sound of her footsteps running away as her whole body is shutting down on her, silently praying for Rey’s good luck. The chances for her to escape the place are slim to none. The chances for her to find Ben are even slimmer. Maybe they’ll both die here just like the rest of them, but at least, Tallissan has given them a chance to try. _You only need one to get through it._

With the last whit of her strength, the woman pulls the 9mm to her temple.

“Coming, Starck.”

 

\--

 

NOTES: ALRIGHT. I hope you're crying, I'm crying. Tallissan deserved better and I love her so very much, my precious child. Anyways! That was such an intense chapter to write and I'm exhausted, please give me some love and leave a comment!! 💖 That first kiss, though. What do you think will happen next?  
Love you guys, see you soon! xxx


	13. Sandcastle Has Fallen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And everything unfolds! ;)  
> Opening lyrics are from [this song](https://youtu.be/JSD11MeWAFk).

 

 

 _Father forgive us for what we have done_  
We have to finish what we have begun  
And pray that tomorrow we may see the sun

 

✯✯✯

 

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

 

Rey hears the single gunshot and her heart breaks beyond what words can express.

There is no time for crying any more tears. Not here, not now. With trembling hands, the young woman readjusts the imperial vest she has just stolen from one of the dead guards. The bloodstain of its chest is still warm, right where Tallissan has shot the man. The memory of it crawls under her skin with a shiver, desperate in her frenzy. Rey won’t pass for an IAF soldier very long – not in the state she’s in, but a few seconds of hesitation could be the difference between her life and her death, and she’ll take it. She’ll take _any_ chance.

She has no real plan, other than staying alive one more minute. And then, another.

Rey barely remembers the corridor she’s in, walking away from the prison section with a hammering feeling of fear in her chest. It won’t be long until someone discovers the soldiers. She’s expecting to hear an alarm any minute now. She’s expecting to be caught at every turn, shot on sight, or dragged back behind bars. If it comes to that, Rey painfully wonders which choice she’ll make. The lieutenant’s sacrifice is forever burnt in her soul, and she doesn’t know if she’ll have the courage to do the same thing. Will it be better for her to die, rather than being another instrument serving against Solo? Can she find him? Can she free him?

Rey’s alone. Rey’s not special forces. She’s just a young medic behind enemy lines, fighting with a single rifle against an army of men. The odds are bad, terrible even. She sorely wonders what Solo would do. What he would want _her_ to do. Although, she soon realizes she already knows the answer to that question – he would want her to go, to save herself.

The captain would tell her to get the fuck out of here. But she cannot. Not without him. Despite knowing full well he would hate her for that stupid decision, that’s something Rey can’t spare him the pain of. He will have to live or to die with it, the weight of culpability. He made that choice when he kissed her, and now she’s ready to give her life for him if she has to. Maybe she always was. She’s crossing yet another point of non-return. Dices have been rolled long ago, and there is no time for caution.

Today, Rey fights.

She’s still unnoticed inside the military base, for now. She follows a set of rusted stairs to the upper floor, trying to situate herself from her blurred memories. They took her along that way earlier, or so she thinks. While she progresses, the sounds of her footsteps are obscenely loud over the metallic structure. Carefully, Rey spares a nervous look into the new area and almost faints when she spots two men walking in her direction. She quickly takes a step back, pressed to the concrete wall, her breath locked in her dry throat. Her lungs start to burn in agony, screaming for air, but the fear of being spotted soon overwrites everything else.

A few meters away, the soldiers are casually speaking between the two of them, unaware of her presence. Just when Rey thinks this might be the last of her, the Force decides to sit on her side. The men walk past her without looking into the staircases, focused on their destination. For a long moment, Rey stands still in the same position, terrified to move. Her heartbeat is frantically pounding in her chest, her hands feel slippery on the weapon’s grip. But she has to push forward before it’s too late.

The floor is cleared of personnel. With a defiant thug of willpower, Rey moves her body from the staircases, stepping into the light. She keeps a finger lodged on the trigger, ready to take down the first obstacle she’ll encounter. This is way different than any combat situation she might have experienced down the road. This is no longer the defensive position she’s used to – this is hunting.

_No, it’s survival._

Rey walks to the other end of the corridor while her mind is shielding itself in a small corner of her skull, leaving her to just _act_ on it. Doors are closed. She counts three of them. She was in the second one. There is no telling as to what she will find on the other side, but she doesn’t pause to think about it. The disproportionate M4 shouldered on the right side of her small chest, Rey exhales briefly and switches to semi-auto configuration with a stretch of fingers. If Solo is still in that room, everyone standing between her and the captain will have to go down. They’re done playing games. They’re done being docile. There’s no time anymore.

Maybe it’s madness to think she can stand a single chance.

But Rey is a dog now, and after all—they’re crazy.

The young woman lunges forward and turns the handle. It’s unlocked. She takes a step backward and shoves her boot right into the door, pushing it wide open. Her brain takes a brief second to analyze the situation, frantically scanning the bright, white room.

Solo’s here.

Another man’s here.

Two. There are just two of them.

It’s the same old bastard from earlier. He’s standing above the captain. He’s threatening him with a gun.

_But no more._

“Get the _fuck_ away from him !” Rey yells at him, walking inside the interrogatory room without pausing. “Move! _Now_  !”

There is no telling as to whom is more startled upon her sudden arrival. Quickly recovering from his initial shock though, the interrogator stands up straight, shifting behind Solo’s back for cover. He’s still pointing a gun at point-blank range to Solo’s head, and she fears her captain might be hurt if she shoots the man. Almost panting under stress, Rey takes another step forwards and reiterates her order with more force.

“Get back or I swear to the fucking Force, I’m blowing your head off !”

“Where you think you’re going ?” the man asks with a cold, collected voice. “You’ll never make it out.”

“Not your problem,” she spits back.

For what seems like an eternity, the tension on the scene just keeps building up, rocketing to the sky.

“You’re making a big mistake.”

“Shut up and move your ugly ass !”

Rey is starting to lose her temper, fighting to keep her fragile composure under pressure while the officer is eyeing her like a prey.

“I don’t think you have the guts to do it.”

“Oh, yeah ?” she snorts with a hateful grin. “Try me, bitch.”

“It’s what I _do,_ ” the man viciously tells her, picking at her insecurities. “I read what’s inside people’s mind. And you—you’re afraid.”

“Doshin’ right, I am! But that won’t stop me from killing you !”

“You don’t look like a killer, girl.”

Her knuckles are turning white around the rifle’s grip. Rey barely lets out a single breath, her voice as bitter as her grieving heart.

“Funny you’d say that, ‘cause that’s _exactly_ why I’m here.”

They’ve reached a dead-end. With all his insights, the officer seems to notice the change of pace. He angles the handgun over Solo’s head in a menacing gesture, staring back at Rey with a blood-shot gaze, defying her. She only has a heartbeat to make the final decision. She’s terrified to see her captain taking a deadly hit. She’s terrified to lose him forever, just like she has lost Tallissan.

Rey presses the trigger. The rifle fire loudly. The 5.56 caliber is gruesomely effective on such a close target. She absorbs the soft recoil on her left leg, watching in a daze of screaming thoughts as the officer’s head is burst open upon impact. Dark red blood is splattered on the opposite wall, dripping down the surface until it reaches the floor. As adrenaline is pumping in her veins, Rey tears her eyes off the bloody mess left on the scene. She parts her lips over a distressed sound, desperately searching for air. This time around, someone surely has heard the gunshot.

The young woman jumps forward and crouches down the officer’s body. Her fingers are frantically shaking while she searches his pockets. Despite the urgency of the situation, she can’t help but lose a few precious seconds looking over her shoulders in fear, expecting to see black uniforms emerging through the door at any moment. Rey finally finds what she’s looking for. She kneels behind her captain and unlocks the silver handcuffs before tossing its key to the ground without care.

“You’re okay ?”

Her voice falters, worried. Solo grunts in pain as his arms yank free from restraint. He manages to stand up despite his injuries and turns to her, just long enough to press a hand to her cheek. His deep brown eyes bore into her soul for a brief moment in time. That’s all they get, but it’s enough to share unspoken words. _You’re not alone. I’m with you. I love you. I’ll save you._ Rey’s burning under the frenzy of her actions, consumed by hope and uncertainty. Finally, Solo breaks away from her just to bend down and retrieve the officer’s weapon.

“I’m good. Let’s move.”

 

✯

 

It doesn’t take long for the alarm to resonate inside the FOB, but Solo knows where they are heading to. The captain has carefully counted his steps when they were dragging him down here – something Rey hasn’t even thought about. He has memorized his surroundings like he’s trained to, and now he’s their only way out, if only they can stay alive long enough for that.

“Wait, wait !” Solo says, stopping her with one hand.

The ringing tone of the alarm is buzzing in the distance. They can hear clear sounds of agitation, movements of unit. Something’s up and they almost run into a group of soldiers, coming down the next hallway. Pressed against the captain’s back, Rey awaits in silence, her attention turned to the rear end. Soon enough, she feels a single tap on her shoulder and the two escaping prisoners resume their progression like a single man.

A faint glow of light is coming from a distant opening, revealing the first hours of a waking dawn. The air is cold, moist, and charged with sand, suffocating even inside the cemented structure. Rey can see her breath in front of her each time she exhales. Cold sweat is dripping down her spine, under the black imperial vest. Sudden rounds of gunshots are making her jump in apprehension, while all the odds seem to fall around them.

“What are they firing at ?”

“I don’t know,” Solo quickly responds. “Keep moving.”

The two of them push forward towards the next door, coming to a brief halt next to a cargo area full of wooden containers, behind a metallic grid. The captain forces the door open with his shoulder, revealing another set of short stairs that leads to a brighter indoor sector. Just when he’s about to move, weapon in front of him, a group of soldiers erupt in their field of view, taking the high ground. Rey’s mind goes blank, unable to process the millions of thoughts raging inside of her in that particular instant. _That’s it. We’re fucked._ For better or for worse, she finds herself strangely calm upon her imminent death. She stands next to Solo in a swift movement and takes an aim, rifle aligned under her right collarbone. It will all be over in a moment. One last stand.

_Until all the chances are spent._

“Hold fire! Hold fire !”

That voice. Rey blinks confusedly, trying to discern something over her deadly exhaustion. Then she takes notice of the brown uniforms standing in front of her, and her eyes travel to the men’s faces. Orange shades caught her attention. Her brain is rebelling, uncooperative. She’s afraid of the fall if she actually starts to believe what her mind seems to pick up. But that face – she _knows_ that face.

“Well fuck me,” utters a very sarcastic Fox. “They’re rescuing themselves !”

The young woman almost drops her rifle, hot waves of relief washing over her. She has never been more happy to see someone in her entire life. Seconds ago, she was ready to die but now—she’s fiercely hoping to live. They came back for them, they came back for _her_. Her family has come back to save her and she could cry tears of joy.

The five men standing in front of Rey don’t pause to celebrate. With concise and effective movements, the massive silhouette of Merle unstraps a surplus of equipment off his back in a matter of seconds. Before she can think about it, the man is slipping a plate carrier over her head and strapping it around her bust, hopefully protecting her from vital injuries. He taps her shoulder in a friendly manner before tossing a second tactical vest over to Solo.

“Time to go, Cap. You have a shitload of papers to do !”

Turning around to exit the area, Fox reaches for the black radio strapped on his left shoulder.

“Go on, Flash,” the sergeant says. “Make it pop.”

Someone places a heavy hand over Rey’s head, pulling her to the nearby wall while they crouch down in a defensive position. Next thing she knows, a powerful blast is shaking the building’s foundations with a roar of explosives. Smoke is unleashed in the air, debris are falling from the ceiling, the daylight vanishes under a blanket of dust. And then—chaos.

“Did you just breach the fucking place ?” Solo screams over the turmoil, almost stunned.

His sergeant cracks a cocky smile at him.

“I believe we did, Captain. Time to un-ass !”

Now that they have what they came for, the soldiers are making their way out of the FOB. The infiltration was a risky move in itself, but the exfil is always the most dangerous part of an operation. The surprise factor is out of the balance, and they’re bound to encounter more resistance. Last time didn’t go so well on their radar. Rey’s anxious to see the events repeating, but the massive diversion provided by the detonation is proved to be effective so far. Hopefully this time, no one will be left behind.

It takes them approximately three minutes to encounter the first enemy contingent. Without warning, her team opens fire.

Magazines are running dry, gunshots bleed the air. The mechanic sounds of the automatic weapons are filling the place while men are pinned down like cardboard practice targets. They shoot to kill.

Rey is taking cover behind a light armored vehicle, barely registering the fact they have reached a mobility hangar. She has switched her M4 in three-round burst firing mode, and she’s almost out of ammo.

“RPG ! 6 o’clock! Take him down! Take him down !”

Rey immediately diverts her eyes towards the new threat. She’s meters away from the man wielding a rocket-launcher at them. With her last shot, she bends over the hood of an off-road Jeep and places her aim on him. She hits the soldier right in the space left below his tactical gear, sending him to bleed to the ground.

“I’m out! I need ammo !” she yells, quickly discarding the empty magazine.

“Rigel !”

Palla throws her one of his own. Someone grabs her shoulder to pull her back while she’s busy reloading.

“We’re running for it !” Fox tells them. “It’s clear, cover on us! Now, move !”

The unit is moving again. Soon enough, the young woman discovers what part of the compound has been blew up by the remaining elements of her team. They all run towards a fuming hole, left between two brick walls, now crumbled into ashes. Beyond the destroyed area, open grounds are marking the limit of the utilitarian parking zone. Some vehicles are left on fire on the aftermath of the attack. Rey’s almost losing her balance over the rubble blocking her path.

Under the pale sunlight peeking through the surrounding mountains, she finally crosses the threshold of the base.

The outside fence is torn apart. A landscape of rocks and lichens lays ahead of them. Rey takes a short breath in the fresh air, overpowered by the smell of smoke and gasoline. Upon reaching the outer perimeter, two brown silhouettes emerge from their hiding positions. Her brain is quick to register the presence of Finn, while her friend is shooting suppressive rounds of fire in the opposite direction.

“Firefly, this is Bravo-1.” Fox’s still running alongside the rest of them while transmitting information like he’s having a nice discussion around campfire. “Scavenger and Starfighter secured. Red Zero. Red Zero. Over !”

From this point on, Rey can’t bring herself to take a single look back. She’s too focused on the running part to do anything else, as much as her body can endure. After days without food and barely enough water to stay conscious, she’s having a hard time keeping up with the rest of them on the stiff terrain. She’s shutting down every protest of her aching body, trying to ignore the pain and the burning in her lungs just to stay alive. Her arms feel like stone under the rifle’s weight, but she won’t let it slip – not this time.

On a steep rock hill, Rey trips over some pebbles and almost falls to the ground, defeated. Solo is quicker. He grabs her arm and helps to steady her, pulling her with him while they put distance between them and the imperialists.

“Go, go !” Fox says. “We have primary extract two klics away. Armed bird coming to pick us up.”

And so they run.

Rey would’ve fainted long ago if it wasn’t for the hand pressed on her back, urging her to keep going. They all made sure she was still following the pack, keeping a protective circle around Solo and the young medic. They would’ve carried her if they had to, but in the end, it didn’t prove necessary.

When they are finally reaching the top of the mountain terrain, she’s about to throw up, violently shaking under the physical effort. Wind blows her hair over her sweaty face, channeling a turmoil of dust. The aggressive sound of rotor engine pierces the air, as a black chopper descends from the sky to meet them, two machine guns mounted on armament subsystems. This isn’t a medevac transport, this is an attack helicopter with heavy firepower. And it’s here just for them.

The lateral door slides open at once, revealing a door gunner wearing a full-face helmet.

The chopper is doing a stationary flight above the ground while the men are jumping on board. They’re packed and cramped between the flying crew and their squad, but it doesn’t matter. They’re getting out. They’re getting _home_.

The very moment the door slams shut behind them, Rey’s body collapses under a wave of abandonment, with a mixture of great relief and grief. She’s done. The young woman is unable to fight back the shaking in her limbs, nor the watering of her eyes, but she doesn’t care anymore. She relaxes the grip on her weapon, sinking against the man’s chest next to her. She doesn’t care if she’s weak now, because she wasn’t weak _then_. It’s all that matters, and in the confined space of the flying engine, Rey finally finds solace in the presence of her squad. She surrenders, a wail of sorrow breaking the barrier of her dry lips. She feels no shame crying in front of these men, for they are her brothers and they won’t judge her in her most vulnerable moments. They all know what it feels like, they understand – she doesn’t need to ask to be told. She trusts them with everything she has left in her, even with their ability to keep her secrets from the rest of the world – the tears of a woman confronted with far too much violence.

She has found Fox’s hand next to her, reaching for comfort like a starved child – and he holds hers in his palm without a word, letting her know the worst is over. They’ve made it. They’ve taken the last chance.

_You only need one to get through it._

Someone had to take _her_ place among the rescue mission, of course. The unknown face of the flying medic is bent over her. Rey watches, her vision unfocused, as the man pushes her dirty rags up and down her body in search of any serious injuries. He won’t find something worth working over on that chopper though, she already knows that much, but Rey can’t find her voice to tell him, so she just lets him proceed in silence.

After some minutes of inspection, he seemingly comes to the same conclusion and sinks back into his heels with a frown expression. By the look on his face, she must be in bad shape. She can _feel_ she is. Her body aches from every breath she takes, her chest caged under pressure, her throat too dry, her mouth tastes like blood and copper. Her right ankle is swollen and sore. She can’t quite feel her guts anymore after days of starving, nor her face. But there’s nothing to do about any of that in the air. Yet, the medic is staring at her with a pitiful look, eager to do something – _anything_. That look of her – vulnerable broken shell of a woman – must be too hard to bear for the soldier.

“You need something for the pain ?” he asks over the raging sound of the engine.

Rey shakes her head, knowing full well no painkillers could free her from the most serious of her injuries – the one piercing through her heart like a blazing knife.

In the middle of her daze, the young woman instinctively searches for the presence of Solo. He’s sitting just at her opposite in between full-equipped soldiers, knees up, head tilted back to rest on the metallic wall behind him. Even with his bloody face and his torn shirt, his massive frame is still more imposing than the rest of them. She can feel him through the void, pulling at her with his gravity spell. Before she can stop herself or think about it, Rey crawls to him with every nerve of her body screaming in burning agony to finally be able to touch him. She _needs_ it – more than any drugs flooding her system.

The captain doesn’t even open his eyes – maybe he can’t be bothered to do so, maybe he doesn’t need to. He doesn’t say anything to her either, but a long arm rises from his lap to wrap around her middle while Rey falls back against his chest with a rasped breathing. He secures her closer between his legs, seemingly oblivious to the inappropriate character of the demonstration, but not a single word is uttered around them. No one seems to care. They don’t care because they _know_ what it’s like, and if someone would come to ask, they would have nothing to say about it.

Inside her unit, Rey feels safe and protected. They would bark at anyone prying over her weakness and she finally lets her guard down, unable to play any longer, exhausted – seeking refuge in the arms of the man _she_ has saved.

Heavy tears run down her cheeks, leaving trails into her dust-covered skin. The young woman clutches into Solo’s shirt with a closed fist, her mind rehashing the same images over and over again under her closed lids. Tallissan’s bright blue eyes are still hunting her soul like a ghost, fixing her with resolve in her last moments. The woman never asked Rey if she was going to die because she already knew. And even if she was frightened by her death, she just exuded a feverish rage till the end, a promise for revenge. The same vow Rey made when she killed that officer.

It was a storm inside of her, ravaging everything in their hours of despair. She will have to tell him, even if she can’t stand the idea of causing him any more pain.

Tallissan Lintra was close to him, important, even after their relation ended – _in spite_ of its ending. Whatever feelings he had for Lintra, it was his owns to protect, and now the lieutenant was dead – murdered by the Empire. All for a war none of them had deserved, yet one all of them had already paid a price to.

Rey wasn’t the one to take the hardest blow, she knows it, but she still feels so much pain. It’s excruciating.

“It’s alright,” Solo tells her. “You did good.”

Did she? She hurts for herself and for _him,_ knowing that after all of it, he still has the strength to be the leader – the one to watch over her. She would want to tell him he doesn’t have to, that he can be hurt and tired and _human_. But he isn’t that kind of man and Rey doubts he would show the cracks of his armor in front of her, if to anyone. So she doesn’t say anything and just accepts the reassurance of his embrace, searching for the warm of his skin and the strong scent of his body telling her he’s still alive, and she’s too.

She remembers the way he has kissed her, the way he was looking at her. He was seeing her, the real her – just her. And it was enough. She never wants to let that go, no matter how long she’ll have to wait for it. And when they'll find themselves alone, she will tell him everything she couldn't tell back then.

“You did good,” Solo repeats with an affectionate hand pressed to her head. “I’m proud of you.”

Rey almost chokes over her sobbing and lets her forehead fall into his chest. She won’t move until they reach the base, drifting in a low state of shock. But it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s almost as if she has his permission to surrender, and so she does. Within mere minutes, the young woman falls into the last levels of her resilience, welcoming black shades of unconscious whispers without any fear left.

Solo is proud of her; for now, she can rest.


	14. Oxygen Runs Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, that's the chapter you were all waiting for! (don't lie I know you were). So, smut alert!  
> Thanks you for all the support, it truly means the world to me. ❤️

 

 _It's always when the oxygen runs out_  
When you start to drown  
It's only when you bet your life  
That's when you feel the most alive

 

✯✯✯

 

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

 

The first real shower she takes after being discharged is a bliss.

Rey tries to be considerate at first, but she quickly gives up and stands still under the warm water until it eventually runs cold. Only then she manages to turn it off and dress herself in a fresh set of uniform. After spending the last three days at the field hospital, with an IV plugged in the arm and little to no privacy from the medical staff, she’s glad to be an autonomous person once again.

Her body is slowly starting to heal, even if all her muscles are still sore and sensitive each time she moves around. She had to bandage her ankle – who took a bad hit – to try to help with the pain while she’s walking on it. Clutches are definitely not on her program. She can stay put on her ass most of the time anyway, as she has currently nothing better to do.

It’s so strange, surreal. The daily life seems foreign to her, alienated. Rey isn’t sure how to function anymore, now that her life isn’t in constant danger. Is she hungry? She can go to the canteen and eat. Is she tired? She can just find her bed and get a good rest while no one will disturb her. What more is there to live? She doesn’t know anymore. The luxury of having free will, free movement and security to accommodate it is overwhelming. She never thought much about that before, not appreciating enough what she was mindlessly fighting for – until the very moment it was all stripped away from her. Now Rey knows, but the wisdom always comes with a price.

Sleeping is hard, and sleeping alone is harder.

Arguably, she’s not completely alone. You’re hardly ever alone at Niima Outpost. But she’s not with him, and that’s her new definition of alone. Now that her freedom is back, Rey is stripped of the next most precious thing on her list – her captain.

She has seen him here and there, but he’s busy trying to manage all the bureaucratic shit falling upon his shoulders after all this debacle. They already had a debriefing with the team, then another one with higher officers – some people Rey had only heard the names of, and never actually seen the faces up until now. It was all done on the spot, and she has learned a lot of information she still doesn’t know how to handle.

The fact that her team had to sit and watch for days, from the moment satellite surveillance picked them up outside Tuanul, until someone finally authorized an operation is one of them. The idea that maybe – just _maybe_ – if they had come sooner, they could’ve helped Tallissan is viciously ingrained in her mind. It’s something Rey has a lot of troubles processing, it’s hurting her. But maybe that’s just another part of the grieving. She cannot even imagine how Solo must feel about that. Telling him, all of them, about the Cratertown’s unit was as she was forced to go through everything once more, and she still has the hardest part to do.

With her uneven walking, the young woman makes it back to the squad’s tent in silence. She’d rather stay with the men through the night once again. They’re more experienced than her when it comes to dealing with that aftermath of events and they seem to know how to act, what to say to make it bearable. There are no self-pity and sad looks, for which she’s grateful. The jokes are necessary to cope with her most dreadful thoughts.

Under the heavy skies of last daylight, Rey spots the friendly face of her sergeant coming in the opposite direction. The man carries a box of ammunition under his arm. He’s probably on his way to restock magazines after daily shooting practice. Fox comes to a halt next to Rey with a nod of the head, asking for her attention.

“Captain wants to see you,” he tells her. “He’s back at the CHU.”

At the mention of Solo, Rey doesn’t miss the familiar pressure rising on her chest, building up.

“Oh, OK. Thanks.”

She nervously wonders why her CO wants to see her right now, but there is only one way to find out. Fox gives her a wink before she takes the direction of the officers’ housing units, trying to maintain her imagination at bay.

The outpost is busy running daily maintenance and surveillance operations. The sand storm that hit them a few hours earlier has damaged some solar panels. It’s a pressing matter to get them back operational and Rose was requisitioned through the entire day to help the team of engineers working on it. As a result, a good third of the FOB isn’t currently alimented, while the power was relocated towards vital installations in priority, leaving some sectors in the dark. The PX is stocked on packages when Rey passes nearby, as the weekly distribution has been postponed until further notice. Not that she’s awaiting any letter anyways.

A few minutes later, the medic comes into view of the low rows of containers emerging on the sand washed canvas. A few halogen lamps are peaking through the increasing darkness and she follows them to the main deck. Anxiety is quickly taking over her, wishful thoughts of impossible realities. She has turned this very moment over and over again in her head, without finding a single time the right conclusion to it. What remains of them after what they just went through?

Solo’s door is open. Before she can knock or announce herself, a wagging tail is here to welcome her. Flip is particularly happy to have his human back. He hasn’t left the captain’s side since his return. Upon inspection, it turns out he’s pretty happy to see Rey too. He nudges at her hands expectantly and the young woman pets him with a genuine smile, brushing the soft fur under her fingers. Footsteps meet her beside the door and she rises her eyes just to meet a deep gaze pondering over her.

“Sir,” she manages to let out.

For a hot minute, the two of them just stare at each other in complete silence. The deference feels highly inappropriate between them, like a stream of cold water pulling them apart from one another. But what is she supposed to say? He’s still her CO and they’re still in the middle of a war zone. The urgency has died to welcome the reality back and all of her blazing feelings lay like ashes at her feet. She can’t fuck this up now, or it will be excruciating for months and months to come.

“Fox said you wanted to see me.”

“Yes, come on in,” Solo gestures for her with a single hand.

Rey gets inside the small room, a reading lamp is providing the place with a warm yellow light. Behind her, Solo doesn’t bother to close the door to give them any sort of privacy. She’s smart enough to pick up the cue, even if it causes her heart to sink even lower in her chest. Maybe it’s for the best, or at least that’s what she tries to pretend, putting up a brave face in front of him.

“How’s your ankle ?”

Solo comes to lean against his desk, arms crossed on his torso. Flip has followed the movement and sits next to his human, watching with an intelligent gaze the exchange while the two of them talk in the quiet of the sleeping quarter.

“Still attached to my leg, Sir.”

The young woman wonders about his own injuries, unable to stop herself from performing a visual inspection. He was in way worse shape than her when they came back – cracked ribs, mild concussion, and a _lot_ of bruising. Even in the dim atmosphere, his face is still painfully marked by their days of captivity. It will take some time, probably weeks, for the skin to heal properly. But if he’s in any pain, he doesn’t let it show through his armor – blank face and the same steady, low voice. Just like nothing happened. Nothing at all.

“That’s convenient,” Solo says. “Because we have to make a short trip. I just got an email from the DD, they want us to come over meet some people and have a chat.”

A sense of unease makes her frown, pensively.

“The—Defense Division, Sir ?” she carefully asks, shifting uncomfortably on her feet.

“You don’t need to worry about that. They just want first-hand information. You tell them exactly what happened, it’ll be fine. I’ll be your representative and stay with you during the interview.”

It makes her feel better to know she won’t be left alone with some administration shark to pick her apart under spotlights. Rey has a limited amount of trust when it comes to this sort of bureaucracy. From her point of view, a lot of things could go wrong regarding her choices. But she trusts her captain to know best and he wouldn’t let her walk into something detrimental to her. He’s probably done this in the past, barely a mere formality. Except for some specific lines of events.

Solo seems to read her mind like an open book. She can catch the solid expression in his eyes faltering for a brief moment of unguarded uncertainty.

“Maybe it’s best not to get into _some_ details.”

Rey’s barely able to force some air past the lump forming in her throat. She’s having her answer after all, and blast, does it _hurt_.

“Yes. I understand, Sir.”

Her voice trembles despite her best efforts to keep composure. She’s unwilling to look at him now, trying to focus her mind on the sight of Flip. The animal is oblivious to the real meaning of this conversation, but for some reason, he’s very attentive to their reactions. Maybe he’s picking up the tension feeling the room better than humans can do. He lowers his russet ears in a concerned fashion, sniffing towards Rey before returning to Solo, petting the man’s leg with a paw.

The captain unfolds his arms and she expects him to pay attention to his dog. Instead, he stands in front of her without moving – for so long that she has no other choice than to look at him once again. Rey loses herself in the warm of chestnut eyes patiently waiting to have her full attention. When he speaks again, the distance between them seems to shrink with the softness of his voice – reminding her just how far they went together. It wasn’t just a one-act play.

“That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen,” Solo says.

The young woman diverts her gaze, her face burning hot under his scrutiny. She knows exactly what she’d want to do in that particular moment, but he did leave that door open for a reason. This is not the place, nor the time for them to set it straight. Nonetheless, his words are enough to convince her she’s not alone in this mess. She was stupid to believe even for a split second that Solo doesn’t care about her the way he does. After all they went through, she should know better. Maybe that’s the sort of insecurities that comes with love – that irrational fear to lose the one person you can’t bear to live without.

Is she in love with him?

_Of course you are._

She’s so in love with him that she can’t convince herself to selfishly salvage this intimacy. She owns him more than her feelings, and she wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for someone else’s sacrifice.

Taking a deep breath, Rey reaches under her regulation t-shirt, strands of wet hair leaving damp spots on her shoulders. She pulls out the set of dog tags hanging around her neck and takes a look at them. With a heavy heart, she forces herself to set a chain free and holds out Tallissan’s tags to him. His fingers protectively curl around it with silent care.

“I thought you should have it,” Rey softy whispers.

Solo carefully puts the dog tag in one of his pockets without looking back. He’s trying not to let it show, but Rey can pick up the signs just the same. She knows better than to try to console him, but she’d like to tell him she’s here if he needs to.

“Did she say something ?”

She searches for her voice before she answers him, not wanting to hear any pity in her tone. The memories are heart wrecking, but it’s the last testament of an unbelievably courageous woman, and Rey won’t forget any of it until her last day.

“ _Fuck them_ —that’s what she said to me.”

“Yeah,” Solo snorts with a grieving smile. “Sounds like her.”

The two of them ponder over a respectful silence, asserting their minds.

“She was thinking about you,” Rey offers truthfully.

“Thanks.”

She can catch the strain of pain in his voice, but this discussion is now closed. Rey decides it’s best not to insist on the subject, trusting him to deal with this on his own. Her captain gives a quick pet between Flip’s ears before he walks around the small desk to retrieve a folder of documents. If she didn’t know him the way she does, she could never guess just how violent are the feelings hiding behind those closed doors.

“We’re leaving on the night flight, pack your bag.”

 

✯

 

Transportation in and out of the FOB is rarely pleasant. Most of the time, the cargo planes are packed with soldiers and equipment to the last bit of space available – nothing comparable with civilian flights. Without much surprise, Solo didn’t think twice before deciding to bring Flip on board with them. Master and dog had spent too much time without one another lately. Most of the time, the sand-fur animal just quietly laid on his crate, between some heavy containers, well used to travel under such conditions.

Rey is seated next to her captain, uncomfortably strapped in between a row of passengers. There aren’t that many soldiers on leave that day. During the majority of the flight – almost twelve hours of it – most of them just sleep in silence while the cargo hold is plunged in darkness, to the exception of a red emergency light barely glowing over their heads. At this high altitude, the air is cold and shivery. Despite her full uniform, Rey struggles to keep herself warm. She soon finds herself under the layer of Solo’s heavy bomber jacket. His familiar scent is everywhere around her, like an open path in the middle of the forest. She can’t stop herself but to reach for him, longing, yearning. Under the large jacket covering most of her frame, she laces her fingers with his in silence. He holds her hand firmly, brushing a thumb over her skin without looking at her, his head tilted back and eyes closed. It's so comforting and warm, protective, intimate. They don’t spare a single word, but the affectionate gesture is worth a million of them.

When they finally land at Hanna Camp, the chandrilan sky is rainy and obstructed by heavy dark clouds. After reporting to the ground personnel, a vehicle is detached to transport them to wherever they are due to go. Rey was under the impression they would stay on the military base, but apparently, the hierarchy has other plans for them. Chandrila is the home country of the Alliance, and heart of most administrative departments the army is accounting for. The young woman has never set foot inside its borders prior to today, and she takes the sight of her surroundings with a moderate curiosity, discovering a new scenery. It's a different story for Solo, of course. He's coming home – but if he feels any joy about the prospect, he doesn't manifest it.

“Do you have friends you want to visit while we’re here ?” Rey asks, in the back seat of a black SUV.

She’s almost positive that his parents still live in the country, or at least his mother. But she’s way too unfamiliar with his situation to mention it. From the few things he told her, it didn’t seem like they had a close relationship. Rey – more than anyone – knows how uncomfortable some subjects can prove to be and she’d rather not dive into it unless he mentions his family on his own.

“No,” Solo says, distracted by the busy road. “Almost all of them are enlisted and out of the country anyway. It’s not like I’m a sociable guy.”

“I wonder why you would say that.”

Upon hearing the sarcasm in her voice, he turns his head to her and arcs a menacing eyebrow.

“Don’t be a smartass with me, Rigel.”

“No, Sir,” she snorts with laughter.

The faint trace of a smile curls up one side of his mouth, under the unkempt beard growing on his tired face. He brushes back black hair out of his forehead and returns his attention to the outside, leaving Rey to stare at the long scar fading on his skin. It seems paler than before compared to the purple shade of bruises running across his jaws and temples.

Between his legs, Flip is resting his head on top of the man’s thigh, patiently waiting for a chance to run outside. Ten minutes later, their transport stops in front of an austere construction, made of columns and square shapes. It’s the administrative quarters for the Defense Division, as it reads on its engraved mounted panel, right in the heart of the executive district of the big city.

“You’re here,” their driver informs them.

The two soldiers are already stepping outside. A swirling ballet of people is dancing up and down the long stairs leading to the main building’s entrance, between a line of grey stone pillars. Solo tucks Flip’s leash on his right hand and walks towards the front glass doors without hesitation. They’re carrying their backpacks with them inside a large hall – sporting the Alliance’s colors, and have to go through a standard security check procedure. The service dog is cleared to go wherever the captain is, and Rey is quite happy about that.

Under the sole of their boots, the dark marble floor resonates uncomfortably. It’s not long before someone approaches them, while they patiently wait in a silent corridor, on the upper floor. The woman is dressed in service uniform, her long silhouette clasped in a white knee-length pencil skirt and coordinate blazer. From the gold gallon on her shoulders, Rey noticed her ranking and gives her a military salute in sync with Solo.

“Captain Solo, I presume ?” she asks with a soft voice. “I’m Lieutenant-general Holdo, I’m in charge of the hearing. How was your flight ?”

“Good.”

“Alright. Hope you don’t mind but we’re on a tight schedule, so we’re going to jump right in.” She gestures a hand at them while she speaks. “Follow me, General Kenobi is already here.”

Falling in her footsteps, Rey readjusts the strap of her travel bag over her shoulder with just a bit of apprehension. Next to her, Solo is frowning almost imperceptibly, but the young woman notices the change in his attitude nonetheless.

“Kenobi? I thought this was just a general hearing with the DD.”

Holdo gives him a quick look of acknowledgment, her light-colored hair brushing just over the line of her shoulders as she walks in front of them rapidly.

“Well, he insisted to be here to make sure we have all the details of the operation.”

“Alright,” Solo replies, very much in a tone of voice implying the exact opposite. “But Adhara is under my direct command and I want to reiterate I answer on anything regarding the course of events.”

“We already submitted your request, yes.”

“With due respect,” the man growls with a dark, low voice. “This wasn’t a _request._ It’s my prerogative as an S3 officer and if it’s not going to be accounted for, she’s not talking to anybody in that room.”

Stunned by the bold declaration, Holdo quickly comes to a halt to face him. She puts a hand to her waist, contemplative, her lips pressed into a pensive expression as she’s trying to decide what to do with the man. She outranks the captain by a long shot, and she could’ve him in very deep troubles over an argument. Why is this so important all of a sudden? Wasn’t it supposed to be a mere formality? Rey’s lost in the matter, and she doesn’t like it a bit.

“Take it easy, Captain. You’re not on court-martial.”

“I’m very aware,” Solo insists with that same I’m-in-charge attitude which is going to get his ass kicked. “I also know some things can get twisted when you leave the field and I’m here to protect my team and myself from stupid politics.”

“Nonsense,” Holdo scolds him harshly. “We’re all on the same side here.”

“I’m on the side of my men. So—either you give me the guaranty I asked for, or you can tell General Kenobi to go back to whatever important business he’s got.”

Holdo crosses her arms over her chest, clearly irritated by the arrogant soldier.

“Bloody Force. Skywalker warned me about you but you’re really a pain in the ass, Solo !”

“So I’ve been told,” the captain adds, unimpressed. “But you’re going to sign me that paper.”

 

✯

 

The audience lasted three long, dreadful hours. It took Rey a great deal of energy to stand there, in front of those important people, and to go through everything once more. It was nerve-wracking. By the end of the meeting, she was mentally exhausted and relapsing in her trauma silently. Her only comfort was coming from the proximity of Solo, watching over her like a lifeguard the entire time. He was invited to join the conversation on numerous occasions, but the board seemed to primarily focus on the events involving Cratertown – for which Rey was the last accountant alive, by proxy.

She has learned that Lieutenant Lintra is going to be posthumously awarded the Black Star, for exceptional acts of bravery in face of the enemy. Rey isn’t so sure Tallissan would’ve liked that, but the recognition is mostly intended for the grief of her family – a memory to honor in spite of sacrifices this war has claimed upon so many good men and women. _For them to win the long fight._

“We’ve booked two rooms at the Senate Plaza for you,” Holdo informs them while they’re exiting the building. “It’s on Liberation Avenue, right next to the train station.”

“Yes, I know the place,” Solo says.

“Alright, you’re considered to be on passes while you’re here. No need to report. Thanks for making the trip on such short notice. I doubt I’ll catch you later on, so—have a safe flight back.”

“Thanks.”

After a formal handshake, the lieutenant-general parts with them, leaving the pair just outside of the imposing venue. Rey feels the tension on her shoulders starting to relax slightly, now that this part is over.

“Well, let’s get to that hotel and drop our bags,” Solo proposes. “We need to change anyways. You’re up for walking ?”

“Yeah, don’t worry.”

He nods his approval and naturally leads the way to their destination, walking along the peaceful streets of Hanna City. The capital of Chandrila is wealthy and cosmopolitan, the infrastructures boarding their path are modern, well maintained. It’s a very different atmosphere than the one she’s accustomed to in Corellia. Rey wonders about Solo’s youth. Was he a city boy? Has he spent fun nights around with his friends? While they walk without hast to accommodate Rey’s ankle, some curious looks fall upon their brown uniforms. The young woman finds it odd, considering how close the operating base is located. These people must see their fair share of military personal regularly, but probably not in their utility uniform – as it’s prohibited to wear outside of the field. _It makes the reality of war much closer to home, isn’t it?_

It takes them fifteen minutes to get to their hotel. Rey welcomes the quiet lobby eagerly, saving her from the cold, wet air of the outside. The place is nice and not particularly crowded, as they’re checking in right in the middle of the afternoon, local time. Behind the reception desk, a young woman in blue attire barely older than Rey welcomes them with a polite smile.

“I’m going to need your names and passports, please.”

“Ben Solo.”

“Rey Adhara.”

After a quick run of logistics, the receptionist gives them the passports back alongside with two magnetic cards.

“You have two double rooms on the third floor, 307 and 308. Breakfast at the restaurant is served until 10 AM. You can find a bar on the first floor. If you need anything, call the reception. Thank you for your service.”

Rey almost freezes mid-sentence, her passport in hand. It’s the first time someone utters those words to her, and she’s not prepared to hear them. For a long time, the young woman has bear the fear of being an impostor at anything she’s done. In the grand scheme of fate, she’s now right where she belongs. With the person she’s supposed to be.

When they exit the main elevator after a short ride, Flip is growing impatient, furiously sniffing the deep blue carpet floor in the hallway. He’s probably picking up a maelstrom of scents with his highly trained sense of smell. Nothing remotely explosive, thankfully. Their rooms are facing one another on the large corridor. Suddenly, Rey finds herself very self-conscious of the situation. They’re alone this time, and it could go any way they want to. She nervously plays with the key card on her hand. What is she supposed to do? She’s a twenty years old woman with an awkward relation to intimacy and in love with a man almost ten years older than her, not to mention a very intimidating one. There is no emergency protocol for that. What a damn shame.

“See you in a bit ?” Solo thankfully offers.

“Yeah, sure.”

The door’s lock clicks behind her. Her room is nice, clean. Rey walks inside and discharges her bag on the double bed with a sigh of relief. She unbuttons the front of her blouse and tosses it next to her bag, scanning her surroundings. Before she can think of anything else, her gaze falls upon the glass door leading to a small balcony, facing to the east. Immediately, Rey reaches for the handle and takes a step outside, the skin of her arms shivering under the touch of cold air. Mesmerized, the young woman stands still, hands on the metallic railing, while she contemplates the vast majesty of the distant ocean. Under menacing clouds of rain, the dark water’s surface seems compelled into slow rhythmic movements that come to an end on the beachfront. It’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen, and Rey wants nothing more than to go and dip her hands into the saltwater.

Filled with a new energy, the young woman retreats and starts to unpack a few clothes. She changes out of the brown t-shirt and regulation trouser, switching for a black pair of leggings and a grey sweatshirt. She finds an old wind-breaker scrunched at the bottom of her bag and lays it down while she slides on her boots again – because she has forgotten to bring a pair of sneakers with her. On the bathroom wall, a rectangular mirror welcomes her reflection with a judging attitude. She doesn’t look _that_ great, and she could use a face mask right now. Rey unties the black elastic and runs a hand on her scalp to unbraid her hair. It falls around her face in a wavy pattern, which is not that bad, and almost covers a purple bruise on her right cheekbone.

The young woman stares at herself a few minutes, almost intrigued. She’s grown so used to see herself in brown camouflage pattern that it now feels odd when she’s wearing anything else. Finally, she decides to remove the orange bandanna tied around her neck and goes back to the bedroom to safely store it into her bag – until she gets back to Niima Outpost.

A knock on the door causes her heart to jump in her chest with a weird mix of excitement and terror.

“Yes, coming !”

It’s no real surprise when she finds her captain on the other side. He has changed as well and he looks—well, Rey is at loss for words. Black shirt, black jeans, and his green bomber jacket. It’s so _weird_ , and casual, and intimate. It takes her a moment to gather her stupid ass and to stop staring at him. Maybe the deep, dark reflection in his eyes wasn’t helping, at all.

“You want to grab something to eat ?” Solo asks with a relaxed expression.

“I just really wanna see the beach,” Rey blurs out. “Do you mind to come with me ?”

_Please, come with me._

“Sure.” He offers her a half-smile, which has her close to cardiac arrest. “I bet Flip wants to go too, let’s do that first.”

 

✯

 

The beach is deserted. They have stopped at a street shop to get some food on their way here, as the jet-lag was making it hard to deal with their empty stomachs. After snacking on some local fried specialties, they’ve walked the long seafront, a persistent cold wind coming off the coast. Rey is enjoying herself way too much, smiling like a child as her boots sink deep into the moist sand each time a wave retreats. The beach is a deep grey color, unlike the rusted shades of Jakku’s desert, and the smell of it is mineral, sulfury, salty.

It’s _wonderful_. Rey has never felt more free than she is right now, in front of the Silver Sea, and she’s not the only one.

Flip is running around like crazy, jumping in and out of the water to circle back around them at will. Solo carries the leash behind his neck, hands on his pockets to keep them warm. His hair is dancing in front of his face furiously, and Rey _really_ wants to brush it back. They’ve fallen closer while they keep walking silently, their shoulders slightly brushing against each other from time to time. She knows it won’t last forever. Rey feels a rising urge to act on the moment, before it’s too late. Living with that kind of regrets isn’t something she plans on doing. She’s slowly trying to gather up her courage, piece by piece.

“You heard Holdo,” she finally says, almost innocently. “We’re on passes.”

“I heard.”

She could swear he just fought back a mocking smile. _Damn you, Solo._ Rey quickly steps in front of him, blocking his path as they both come to a halt. Her lose hair flies back into her face and she tilts her chin up to match the height difference, looking into a pair of dark eyes.

“Meaning—for the next forty-eight hours, you’re not my CO.”

The memory of her voice is engulfed by the loud sound of the breaking waves on the foreshore. Rey nervously waits for a reaction of some sort, unsure, almost shaking. It was explicit enough, wasn’t it? Solo just keeps on staring at her with some unfathomable emotions, immobile, and she forgets to breathe for a few seconds. The young woman is on the verge of a nervous breakdown – fearing he might reject her for whatever reasons – when he finally decides to break the hammering silence.

“I suppose I’m not,” he tells her, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

And nothing matters anymore.

Suddenly, Rey has never felt more alive. She scoops closer to him, compelled by his presence, her hands resting on his belt as his fingers fall to the side of her face. She can almost hear the sound of her heartbeat, racing. Solo bends forwards and a smile stretches his pink lips before meeting hers. They’re cold and hot at the same time, tasting salty under the sea spray. He’s kissing her gently while she closes her eyes, world blurred from reality, trying their best to not get ahead of themselves. But reserve can only last so long between two people who want to be together that much.

Rey locks her arms around his neck without thinking, lost in his touch, her fingers coming up to tangle in his disheveled hair. _Fucking finally._ Large hands travel down to her waist, pulling her even closer. Now they’re _really_ kissing. This time around, there is no angst, no tears, no fear of death – only the two of them burning that shared desire under rainy skies.

She parts her lips and searches for the caress of his tongue, teasing between her kisses. The young woman is unable to register anything besides the warmth of his body pressed to her. She’s melting into him. She quickly comes to wish there weren’t so many clothes between them, and a million other thoughts come with this one. A shy moan escapes her throat, breathless. She could never have enough of his lips, his taste, his whole being. It was always special, but now he’s the only one she wants to remember. Nothing could compare to that feeling of acceptance and security when she’s in his arms, she’s just— _home_.

When they finally break apart, seeking for some air, Rey suddenly realizes she’s holding onto him like he wasn’t almost beaten to death a few days ago. She falls back on her heels with a concerned frown.

“Shit, sorry! Did I—?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll live.”

“I got some painkillers at the hotel if you need.”

“I’m good,” he assures her, gently stroking her cheek. “But we should head back before it starts to rain.”

Rey peaks at the menacing sky, morphing into a black storm over the horizon. She nods her agreement, an arm around his waist, and kisses the thumb he’s trailing over her lower lip softly.

“Flip! _Viens ici !_ ”

 

✯

 

“I need to wash this bad boy.”

Rey has followed him inside the room without any of them addressing that silent question first. Now she’s standing near the bed while the captain disappears into the bathroom with his dog. The tension is starting to get heavy on her chest. Everything seems surreal. Her—in _his_ room. The big uniform tossed into the armchair, the sound of running water coming from the shower, the bolts of lightning streaking the dark clouds just before loud rumbles of thunder crack in the distance. Violent rain soon crashes into the large windows, obscuring the room with a pale grey atmosphere.

Rey sits on the edge of the bed to unlace her combat boots and take a look at her ankle. It started to sting a little after she decided that running around in the sand was a good move. Coming from the open door, she can hear the splash of water and Solo grunting at his dog from time to time. Flip is still breathing heavily from his playtime, while his human washes the dry salt off of his fur.

After some minutes of agonizing uncertainty, Rey decides to suck it up and just be near him. There is nowhere else she’d rather be. Her bare feet brush the carpet floor while she quietly walks to the bathroom’s door to have a look. It’s a _mess_. Military trained or not, Flip is still a dog doing what dogs do best. Solo is kneeling in front of the small bathtub, rubbing his hands on the back of his furry friend, occasionally wiping his wet face in the crook of his arm. It’s kind of adorable.

Rey leans on the door frame and watches the pair with a shy smile on her lips. The warm air of the room brings some life back into her face – or is it the sight of her captain stripped down from anything that kept them apart just until now. Under the title and the institutions, Solo is just a man.

When he finally allows Flip to jump out of the bathtub, the dog furiously shakes himself to get rid of the dripping water before heading outside of the small bathroom, happy with himself.

“Yeah, thanks for that buddy,” Solo grunts as he’s standing up, reaching for the hem of his shirt to wipe his face once more.

Rey watches him closely, motionless. Her chest tightens at the sight of the pale, scarred skin on his side, right where he was injured during her first outside mission. Unaware of her reaction, the young woman takes a step closer. She raises an arm to trace the shapes of the torn skin with the tips of her fingers, barely touching him, barely breathing.

It’s not the only scar claiming his body, mapping the story of a violent career. Solo doesn’t flinch under her touch, doesn’t turn around to face her. He lets her lead her exploration and lifts the shirt higher until he just tosses it aside without a word. Rey starts to tear down all of her walls. She’s just a few centimeters away from his shoulder blades, feeling the heat of his body radiating under her palm. The young woman follows the black ink on his back like a guideline – _Sic itur ad astra_ – until she reaches the nape of his neck.

This time, his breathing grows heavier. Rey looks up to his side profile, angular shapes bathed between light and shadows. She notes how he’s closing his eyes when she trails her nails on that same spot again, furrowing his brows almost painfully, yet betraying a sense of pleasure. She would’ve never imagined how intoxicating it is to elicit such gentle reactions from him. She could stand here and fondle him all day long. Her free hand comes to rest on his hip, just before sliding towards his abdomen, carefully hugging him from behind. She trembles with a new apprehension, the kind she doesn’t mind to suffer.

Solo reaches for her hand and laces their fingers together over his chest. Feeling brave, Rey drags her lips across his back, kissing the hot skin between his shoulders and breathing in the strong scent of his body. Goosebumps spread under her touch. A slow burn starts to ignite in the pit of her stomach, urging her to seek even more intimacy.

“What are you thinking ?” Solo asks in a calm, low voice.

It takes a moment to Rey to be able to respond. Not that she doesn’t know what to say, she’s just afraid to say it out loud. Nothing will be the same afterward. She could just end it here and pretend like nothing inappropriate happened between them. Would it be easier to be around him then? Would it be better for the both of them? It’s probably too late to ask herself what’s appropriate or not anyways. Pressing her forehead to his shoulder, the young woman takes a look at him on the wall mirror, fascinated by his whole being.

“I think you know what I’m thinking,” Rey manages to exhale.

Solo opens his eyes, a gold reflective spark burning in his gaze while he catches her reflection in the mirror.

“I do, but I need you to say it.”

He gently pulls at her hand to guide her in front of him. Caged between his body and the sink cabinet, Rey tries to convince her brain to work with her on this one. It’s trickier than one may think. Part of it is due to the fact that she worries she might not be what he wants her to be. It doesn’t even make much sense, but insecurities rarely do.

It’s getting harder and harder to think under the intensity of his gaze. He’s waiting for a verbal answer and she feels naked, bare to the soul. Rey lightly tugs at the silver chain hanging around his neck, asking him to bend forwards. The captain puts both hands flat on the counter, leaning to kiss her. She finds it easier when he’s not looking so closely at her reactions.

“We should go to that bed,” she whispers, feeling the ghost of his kiss against her lips.

“Should we ?” Solo carefully asks. “I got nothing with me.”

“I have an implant. So—technically we can, if you want to.”

Ironically enough, the practical talk of what goes where is flowing without trouble from the young medic. She’s used to that kind of bluntness regarding the human body. It’s the feelings she’s not good with, and she has a _lot_ of feelings for this one man.

“Do _you_ want to ?” he insists once more, attentive.

There is no way around that question, Rey has to say it out loud. _Alright, you’re a soldier, don’t be a coward._

“I want you.”

She can’t be more direct than that. It brings some confidence back into her at last. She’s not a lost puppy, and this is not a mistake. Rey plants another kiss on his mouth, sucking at his lower lip gently. And then, she feels bold. She trails a path down to his neck, kissing the thin skin under his ear. Solo groans softly, stroking her waist, begging to slide under the layers of her clothing.

“I want you,” she reiterates without any doubt.

This time it might do the trick, because he grabs her hand and leads her to the bedroom. The rain is still heavy on the outside, filling the room with a continuous sound of tapping water. They find that Flip has jumped in one of the armchairs, crushing Solo’s uniform under his damp, curled-up form, but no one seems to care.

Rey falls on the mattress, expectantly waiting for him to join her, which he does. Solo lowers himself right on top of her, as she gives a little whimper of contentment under the weight of his massive frame. It’s a very convenient position to get rid of their height difference. Now she can kiss the man all she wants without breaking her neck. Rey spreads her legs to accommodate his body, eliciting some friction between them, and she can barely believe they’re really doing this.

But here they are, and she cannot have enough.

Flashbacks from a very different night come to her mind, setting free a lot of unresolved tension in the blink of an eye. Long fingers slide under the hem of her sweatshirt to caress her flat stomach. She arches her back under his touch, grinding at his hips while they both moan between passionate kisses.

“Off,” he tells her with a hoarse voice.

Rey throws her arms up to help him in the task while he undresses her. She’s only wearing a black sports bra underneath, but he doesn’t pause very long before pushing it over her head as well. She hits the mattress once more and grabs his shoulders, exposed to the heat of his body, skin to skin. Before she can think about it, Solo leaves a burning trail down to her chest and sucks on one of her breast between his lips. Rey moans in pleasure, quite shocked. She tangles her fingers in his hair, scratching her nails behind his neck – which he seems to enjoy very much judging by the way he groans his approbation.

Hands are everywhere while they search for each other frantically.

Rey tries to control the places where she touches him, mindful of his injuries, but it’s getting more difficult by the minute to think about that. She can now feel how hard he is and she starts to move her hips again, seeking the feel of his length between her thighs. She’s breathless, hands on his lower back. If he wasn’t so goddamn tall, she could reach his ass. Instead, she can barely slides her fingers under the waist of his jeans. Solo doesn’t have that kind of problem.

The young woman loses her train of thoughts when a hand slides inside of her pants. Now is not the time to think about her personal grooming, isn’t it? At least she waxed her legs last time she was on leave so, there is that. It’s not like they haven’t been with each other smelling like dead horses and spitting blood all over the place anyways. Instinctively, Rey holds onto him tighter with a heavy heart.

Soon enough, the painful memories fade away, replaced by the feel of Solo’s fingers between her legs. She can’t help but moan under his touch, each stroke sending a shiver in her entire body. He reaches lower, guiding his hand near her throbbing core without indulging her. Rey grabs the white sheets in her fist, throwing her head back. Granting him free access, he starts to nudge at her neck again like a sacred ground, hot breath against her moist skin.

“Ben,” she pleas with a strained voice.

He continues to glide his fingers over her clit, sending ripples of pleasure through her nervous system. But it’s not enough and she just wants _something_ inside.

“Ben !” she pants helplessly, the build-up starting to feel unbearable.

When he completely removes his hand, she’s about to lose it all. Rey frowns desperately with a whimper of protest, opening her eyes to meet him. A sarcastic smile highlights the harsh beauty of his face, reaching the glimmer of heat in his gaze.

“You’re so pretty when you’re pissed off.”

“Oh, you like when I’m _mad_ at you ?” she snorts, half-offended.

“Yeah,” he grunts, just before he kisses her eagerly. “It makes me want to fuck you until you forget your name.”

Well, _damn_. Now she knows she's not talking to her CO anymore. Upon hearing such things coming from him, directed to _her_ , Rey feels herself burning under the weight of his body. She's never wanted someone as bad as she wants him. The pressure building inside of her is killing her nerves, begging for him to just release it. She needs him to touch her. She wants him to _fuck_ her.

“Please, do that.”

Solo pushes himself up with one arm and grabs the pair of black leggings. She helps him slides it down her legs, together with her underwear. Her face burns brighter under his gaze, but she likes every second of it. It’s nothing like she has done before, and she’s certain everything else will feel wrong after him because— _this feels so right._ He is the right person to be with.

He has her spread her legs again, while she’s trying to get rid of his belt. It’s a long battle with the stupid buckle, but she manages to get it done and can actually unbutton the front of his pants. Touching him, _there_ , is adding to her frenzy. Not to mention the bewitching sounds coming from his throat when she presses her fingers around him, testing her grounds. Well, now she knows. He’s tall everywhere.

Rey bends her wrist, pushing her hand past the barrier of his boxer, because apparently she’s acting way more confident than she thought she could. She’s rewarded with more moans against her swollen lips. Their foreheads stay together, she feels the scruff of his beard on her cheek, the hot breath on her ear. Rey closes her fingers around the silky, burning skin, moving her hand up and down with a gentle motion. Then he’s back on _her_ spot, and things get very hard to coordinate.

Solo easily slides a finger inside of her, having her gasping and moaning all at once. He kisses her neck and moves his hand, teasing.

“Ben.”

“Yeah,” he barely breathes out, almost purring.

Whatever she wanted to say, Rey forgets it the second he pushes another finger inside of her. She’s compelled by the loving things he’s doing to her, and he knows how to do it very well. Solo curls his fingers, searching for the right spot to make her shudder in pleasure. She’s desperate for release, like she’s been starved from his touch for way too long. Forever.

“Oh _fuck_ , Ben,” she begs.

Rey squeezes her thighs around him, falling through the void when her orgasm hits her, clenching around his fingers. Her voice breaks over his name, and if feels _so good_ to be held like that, in his arms, at that very moment. He waits for her to ride it off before he removes his hand, kissing her and pressing into her with so much desire she couldn’t possibly see the end of it.

A thin layer of sweat covers both of their bodies. Rey strokes some of his hair from his face and he trembles, the muscles of his abdomen straining to keep him above her.

“Get on your back.”

He does exactly that and she notices how his face slightly relaxes from the position. The last of his clothes fall to the ground with her help, letting her take the full view of his naked body. A lot of emotions impact the beating of her heart at the sight of him. He’s hurt by the life they’re living, but he’s also alive and holding on to it fiercely. And right now, this means they get the chance to make love to each other to replace this dark pain with a warm bliss.

The young woman straddles him as their eyes meet, seeking for unspoken words beyond all the stars of their souls. Rey guides him to her entrance with one hand, lifting her hips. He slides inside of her without much effort, stretching her with a slight burn. She needs a moment to catch her breath and get used to him. When she gently moves her hips to meet him again, they both moan in pleasure. Solo grabs her thighs, trying to anchor himself to something, and he silently parts his lips. She watches him closely, scanning his expressive features for his reactions. There is something so different about him, like that, completely open to her. She likes it very much.

Rey tries not to weight on his ribs, supporting herself with a hand over his shoulder. He’s breathing heavily and meeting her thrusts from time to time. The pressure inside of her is quickly taking over, barely letting her focus on what she’s doing to him. When he wraps both hands around her waist to help her, Rey closes her eyes and lets her head fall back. They grow more urgent, desperate. The way he digs his fingers on her sweaty skin is making her walls clench around him.

“Don’t stop _,_ ” he begs.

So she doesn’t. She fucks him through the waves of pleasure, letting the aftershocks of her orgasm to take over him. His solid body tenses underneath her, arching his back. He pulls her closer and urges her to move faster. A deep grunt echoes through his chest and he stills himself, unable to breathe or move during a few seconds. She likes the feeling of it, warm, possessive, _his_.

When he finally starts to relax, Rey falls on his chest, completely exhausted. Their heartbeats are racing in sync and she rests her head on the crook of his neck, dissolving into the smell of his skin. Strong arms shield her from the outside world, pulling her into a comforting embrace. She doesn’t want to see an end to it. Rey’s overwhelmed by the force of her emotions, raw and legitimate. Before she can do anything about it, tears start to form in her eyes.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart ?”

A gentle hand brushes her hair back. Rey looks up to him, feeling the black scruff under her palm when she cups his face.

“I love you.”

He doesn’t appear to be surprised, although she is. That doesn’t seem like an ideal timing for such confession, but they both had a very rough week and Rey decides she doesn’t deserve to beat herself up for that on top of everything. Besides, she _does_ love him. It’s just—a simple fact. She doesn’t expect a response from him, but she gets one anyways and her world suddenly flips outside-down.

“I love you,” he simply says.

Rey’s struck by the tone of his voice, completely void of artifice. The bare truth. It’s the first time in her life someone has said those words to her. If everything could be healed and put back together, it would be now, in his arms. And it’s damn close to be. She shuts her eyes again, listening to his breathing in silence until her own heart stops its unguided pounding. The resilience is back, but this time around, Rey doesn’t feel alone anymore.

Minutes pass to the distant sound of the storm. Flip is snoring quietly, unbothered by the humans’ effervescence.

“I need to pee.”

Solo lets go of her and she crawls out of the bed, feeling her legs shake while she walks into the bathroom. She doesn’t fancy a UTI right now. After she’s done with her business, Rey grabs the black t-shirt the captain has abandoned earlier on the sink and pulls it over her head. The soft fabric falls on her toned frame, barely covering her ass. She welcomes the masculine smell with blissful content.

Solo has rolled over on the bed, laying on his stomach, eyes closed. She kneels beside him, tracing his long, muscular leg with her fingers. She bends over and kisses the side of his shoulder, earning a small groan of appreciation. She then curls up next to him, seeking the heat of his body. Solo extends an arm over her waist to keep her close. There is no space left for darkness between them. They could risk it all, she truly believes they could.

From all of the things she had to mourn in her life, Rey would let it all die just for him.

“Your tattoo, what does it mean ?” she softy whispers.

He’s falling asleep while she’s distractedly caressing his back.

“Hmm,” Solo grunts. “ _Such is the pathway to the stars_.”

Very fitting, she thinks with a half-smile. Rey keeps on roaming over his body with gentle strokes, mesmerized by the pattern of beauty marks on his skin, tracing undiscovered constellations. Her captain kisses her temple, his nose nudging in her hair for a long moment before he speaks again.

“I don’t need the stars if I get to have you.”

Rey freezes and turns her face to him, feeling the weight of his gaze on her.

“I won’t be your CO forever,” Solo tells her, almost like an open question. A very insecure one.

But it’s not Solo talking, it’s just Ben. And Rey finds out she’s not the only one to have torn down all her walls at his feet, to make a home where the shadows can’t follow anymore.

“I’ll always be waiting for you.”

“Will you ?” he whispers deeply.

“Even if the world falls apart.”

 

\--

 

NOTES: DAMN MY SWEET CHILDREN. Well, I'm as exhausted as them tbh. I'm so much better at killing people off, writing smut is super difficult for me but I hope you enjoyed this! Definitely a bittersweet romance, I tried to make it lovely but also hot? I don't know if it's any of those things, but they're finally together!  
Next chapter is the last one, and I hope you'll be happy with the ending of the story ;) much love to you guys xxx

 


	15. I'm The Medic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this is the last chapter. We made it!  
> Wow, I'm so sad to let this story goes. It was such a blast to write, this is really my jam. Thank you so so much for all of you, thanks for the comments and the support. I hope you had a great time reading this and I hope you'll remember Captain Solo and his dogs! Enjoy the last moments with your squad ❤️

 

 

_When it's dark, you try to bring some light. You end your journey knowing you made things brighter. If everyone made that choice… Well… I think everyone can. Maybe they just need to see how you do it. I think that's the fight. We've lost a lot. Almost everything… but we can still do what needs to be done. We can still win. In fact in some ways… the Resistance has just begun. »_

 

―First Lt. Poe Dameron

 

✯✯✯

 

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

 

—  _18 months later —_

 

“I mean―can you at least _try_ not to get injured ?” Rey asks with a sarcastic voice. “Man, this one’s gonna look nasty.”

Under the bright light of an articulate lamp, the young woman carefully moves the needle into the damaged skin of the soldier’s forehead. It was a close call, right under his helmet. For a hot minute, Rey has thought that the sergeant wouldn’t pick himself off the ground after the blast of an IDE caused a shed to collapse onto him. Thankfully, this idiot seems to be blessed by the Force. He walked out of it only with a bleeding face and a painful shoulder.

“Women love that shit,” Fox grins, unbothered. “The whole warrior look? I’m banking on it.”

Rey rolls her eyes, slightly annoyed by his lay-back attitude.

“It’s hot, don’t lie,” the man insists.

In the small, quiet room of Niima’s field hospital, Rey fights back a mocking smile. If you think wielding a needle into someone’s face would prevent them from saying some dumb shit, you might want to reconsider. Especially when it comes to Fox.

“Yeah? Why don’t you ask Pava about that,” the young woman teases him.

“If you wanna know we don’t really _talk_. Pilots are such dickheads, but man, we fu―”

“Alright! I don’t wanna know how you handle your dick, Fox.”

“Jealous much ?”

“Yeah, right,” she snorts. “Shut your mouth if you don’t want to lose an eye.”

“Now that would be unfortunate.”

The man laughs to himself while his medic is carefully closing the wound with surgical knots and a silk thread.

“If you’d have asked Connix to do it like I _said…_ ,” Rey reminds him. “She’d be doing this much better than me.”

“They’re busy enough with real shit. It doesn’t need to be pretty, just―put me back together.”

“Yeah,” she sighs. “That’s all I’ve been doing for the past two years.”

“We love our tiny medic,” Fox smiles at her with a great deal of arrogance.

Her hands busy with needle and scissors, Rey tilts her head and shots him an annoyed look.

“I’m not tiny. You’re just all built like doshin’ spaceships.”

“Very tiny little one.”

“Fuck off.”

“Since you offer, I might consider it but―ouch !”

Fox grunts in pain when she kicks him with one foot. Seated on a metallic stretcher, the man bends down to massage his ankle as if Rey had suddenly possessed the force of ten men. Hands up in the air, waiting to finish her work, she raises an eyebrow with defiance, ignoring the protests.

“I’m _injured_ , be nice to me.”

“You’re such an ass,” she mocks him. “How is that Jess hasn’t run you over with a chopper yet ?”

Despite the dried blood running down the side of his face and clogging his copper beard, Fox manages to deliver a charming smile.

“Maybe I’m a super sweet guy in bed. You wouldn’t know, obviously.”

“Poor me.”

“I have to inform you, as your sergeant, I really don’t like that condescending tone, Rigel.”

“Why don’t you write a complaint to the HQ ?” she answers with sarcasm.

“Or maybe I’ll talk to the captain about your _attitude_. What d’you think ?”

Against better judgment, Rey freezes on the spot, standing between the man’s legs.

“ _What_  ?”

“What ?” Fox echoes, looking at her with a blank face.

 _Fucking shit._ She could try to convince herself it was an innocent remark, but she’s not stupid enough for that. She _knows_ the man, she knows that tone. And right now, Rey is realizing her big secret might not be so secret after all. Panic is creeping on her really fast, as she’s trying to force herself to react somehow.

“You―”

She can’t finish her sentence, choking on the words, but it doesn’t prove necessary.

“Yeah, tiny dog.”

“Everyone ?”

“Just the smart ones,” Fox tells her with a smirk.

“Merle ?”

“Obviously.”

“Fuck. _Fuck_  !”

She’s suddenly feeling hot and burning with anxiety. Rey tosses the suture kit on the nearby tray, unable to finish her task with trembling hands. She takes a few steps back, holding her forehead in horror while pacing the room. In front of her, Fox registers her reaction with a silent frown. He gives her a little click of tongue and bends forwards.

“Relax, you’re not the first one to hit on your boss. It’s not that bad.”

Rey comes to a full stop, eyes wide with a terrified expression.

“Not that _bad_  ?” she hisses. “They could sack him! They could send me away !”

“No way. You’re stuck with us, sunshine.”

“No, but you can’t tell―you can’t tell him that you know !”

She can’t decide what would be the worst-case scenario. They have been _so_ cautious about the whole thing, keeping each other at arms length, keeping their feelings strictly separated from their jobs. Or so they tried. It was excruciating to be so distant, but at least she thought they were doing a good job at it. She thought nothing had changed in the way they interacted around the base, but apparently, she’s been all kinds of wrong the whole time. What gave them away? She should’ve known better. They have been so stupid, and she’s freaking out.

Fox, on the other hand, is seemingly having a great time.

“Depends,” he tells her, smiling like the devil. “What’s in it for me ?”

“What’s―? I’ll tell you !” Rey almost screams. “I won’t let you bleed to death next time you need me! What about that? That’s enough motivation to shut your mouth ?”

“Oh, we’re getting touchy touchy on the subject.”

“Hux, I’m not fucking with you right now. You cannot tell anyone. No _fucking_ one. You copy ?”

“Blast, who are you, my mom ?”

“ _Please,_ ” she begs him, slowly turning into a desperate mess.

The man finally wipes away the teasing smile off his face, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I tell you what,” he says with a more casual tone, confidential. “It’s only because it’s the captain, at least I can get behind that. Man, I’d fuck him too.”

It takes Rey a full minute to process the meaning of his words. Finally, the young woman gets behind the joke and a crushing weight is lifted from her shoulders, leaving her to breathe again. She never realized how hard it was to lie to everyone, even if it wasn’t really a lie. It wasn’t the truth either. She was hiding it because she was afraid of their reactions, afraid they would be angry at her, reject her.

She shouldn’t be having that kind of relationship with _their_ captain, but she is, and it could jeopardize all of her team. It would be the end of her world. But at least, Fox is giving her his support and she never knew how important it was to her until now.

“You’re a moron,” she whispers with an emotional voice.

“What? He’s hot,” the man shrugs. “It’s the sexy scar, told you.”

“I hate you.”

“I just wanna know one thing. Where do you guys do it ?”

“ _Excuse you ?_ ”

Rey is now flashing daggers at him, trying to get a hold on that conversation before she has to murder him. She wasn’t ready for that whole revelation moment, and she isn’t ready for _this_ either. There is no way in Hell she’ll ever discuss what she does or does not with Ben, and certainly not with one of them. Although the sergeant doesn’t seem to notice nor to care about her threatening attitude, because he continues with the same relaxed behavior.

“It’s not at the CHU because someone would’ve flagged you by now. So, where ?”

“Shut up. We don’t―do anything.”

“ _Sure_ ,” he laughs dryly. “But for real, where ?”

“We’re not having this discussion.”

“Wait, is it on the maintenance air-shed? Is your tyrant friend covering your ass ?”

“First of all, her name is Rose !”

“Right. So Tyrant Rose is your smuggler ?”

“Are you _insane_ or what? She doesn’t know !” Rey insists seriously, trying not to strangle the man. “Nobody knows! I told you, we don’t see each other on the base.”

“For fucking real ?”

This time, he appears to be shocked.

“Yes! Some of us take that army thing seriously, you know? We―get on leave together.”

Rey is almost positive she should’ve not said that, but it’s a bit too late to think about damage control now. She should’ve thought about that whole thing when she started fucking her CO.

A nerve-wracking silence is lost between the two of them. Finally, Fox unfolds his arms and gives her _that_ look.

“I can’t believe Kylo is the biggest cockblock of the universe.”

“I can’t believe you just said that,” Rey bluntly responds, stunned.

“But OK, that’s why he’s such a grumpy ass all the time. Figure.”

“No, _that_ ―that’s just because of your stupid face.”

Despite the unbelievably inappropriate conversation they just had, the two of them burst into laughter.

“So, are you gonna finish my stitches or what ?”

 

✯

 

The streets of Reestkii are packed with people, coming from all over the country in search of a safe haven. The military convoy had to slow down upon entering the perimeter, secured by a rebel militia. Inside the first circle of defenses, daily life is pulsing under the burning sky of Jakku. The harsh sun is approaching its zenith, and not a single cloud is obscuring the blue canvas.

“Here, water,” Rey instructs her team, throwing small bottles at each of them.

“Thanks, mom.”

The men catch their water like misbehaving children, but every single one of them is gladly welcoming the break after some hours of patrolling in full combat uniforms.

“Thanks,” smiles a very mocking Finn walking away from her. “I’m so glad they pay you for _that_.”

Rey sends a boot to his ass to punctuate the exchange, earning a laugh from her friend.

“Don’t come looking for me next time you’re too dehydrated to stand up,” she shouts after him.

“Hey! I’m just saying. Clearly, your talents are very well exploited !”

“Oh yeah, picking a fight with the medic ?” Merle interrupts. “You like to live dangerously, Finny boy.”

“The word you're searching is _stupidly_ ,” Fox adds before taking another sip.

“And you should know about that, Serg.”

The ambiance is relaxed, casual. The squad has made the trip to the new rebel capital to drop some supplies over to the hospital, providing safe delivery from the FOB, and meet some ground personnel. Humanitarian help has been detached from Chandrila and a group of freshly deployed nurses has joined the team around town, making the lives of everyone a bit easier. At least on the surface.

“C’mon guys, load this up,” Solo’s voice comes from the back of a truck. “We’re leaving in ten.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Following the order, Rey starts to pack her medical supplies to help the others with the food rations they’re tasked to deliver to a remote location area, somewhere in the middle of a hot spot. Around them, curious eyes are scanning their every movement, mostly children wandering around the streets of the busy Reestkii. That feeling of safety provided by the rebel militia is trying to fight her nerves, but the young woman doesn’t let her guard down nonetheless. Everywhere they go, they’re still in a war zone, and anything can happen at any given time. She knows that first hand. _Anyone who’s not us is to be considered a threat._

Soon enough, the soldiers are ready to hit the road again. It will take them a few hours to be back to Niima Outpost, probably long after nightfall – if they don’t come across any trouble along the way. Rey checks her radio comm by habits, seeing the last men of her squad running around to gather their equipment. The streets are narrow enough for them to be quickly separated in case of an attack. They already had some unexpected encounters with the IAF in close combat situations like this during the past months, and some of them were danger-close. Thankfully, her squad hasn’t suffered any loss during that time and she’s determined to keep it that way.

In a few weeks, her first rotation with the Alliance will be officially over and her contract honored.

If she chooses to, Rey could leave the army and seek a position as a paramedic in civil life. She could be free to date Ben, and save them both the hassle of the secrecy and the anguish. But it would also mean she’d have to leave the dogs, and this is a whole other matter on the balance. She can’t bring herself to think about it, for she has no desire to see those two parts of herself collide against each other. She would give her life for him, but so would she for every single one of those men. It’s a bittersweet feeling, seeking the whole world when she can’t have one without leaving the other. Maybe she’s too selfish to admit it, but Rey isn’t ready to make that choice.

He never asked her to.

“Flash !” grunts the deep voice of her captain. “Put those children down, you’re not taking them with you.”

Turning around to catch the sight of her friend, Rey can’t help but sneer at him. Finn is walking back to their truck, one child under each arm and a third one tugging at his neck. The soldier was seemingly attacked by the horde and defeated. The younglings are laughing carelessly while he drags them with him, struggling more than necessary for the sake of the show. It’s not an unpleasant day. Relief isn’t always at rendez-vous and the soldiers are making the most of it when they can.

It’s also an effective reminder to the population that they’re, in fact, not the enemy. There is still some hostility erupting towards the Alliance – not unanimously welcomed by locals. Some rebels networks are particularly hostile to their presence on the country – perceived as aggressive and colonial – refusing to work with them. Tensions rise here and there, but for the most part, people are tolerating them. And the younger ones are even happy to see soldiers these days, for they can earn a few candies stolen from the base.

“I’m trying, Cap! Please help, they’re _ferocious_  !”

Just when she’s about to throw a joke at him, Rey catches a rapid movement from the corner of her eye. Turning around at once, all senses on alert, she’s already reaching for her weapon with a solid automatic response.

“Easy! Easy !” interjects Merle from the back of their truck.

A few seconds later, the threat is declared non-alarming by the squad, as it proves to be just another one of the children running to catch Fox next to a crumbled brick wall. Intrigued, Rey takes a few steps aside and watches the man lowering his orange scarf down his face to―smile? What a day to be alive. The youngling is tugging on the man’s arm, long dark hair moving under the hot breeze of the midday. And then, a sudden realization hits the young medic.

“Man, look at you !” Fox snarls. “All alive and in one piece, impressive.”

He puts a gloved hand over the head of the little girl, petting her like a lost puppy, before sliding an arm around her legs and throwing her up above his shoulder. The girl lets out a warm laugh while the sergeant walks over their transport, waving an arm at Rey.

“Look who I found.”

“Yes, I remember you !” the medic smiles. “Sidirri.”

 

✯

 

By the time Rey hits the showers, the sanitary block is almost empty – and hot water is only a rampant memory. Thankfully enough, she’s still burning hot from the cramped ride back to the FOB and doesn’t mind to let her body cool down under the low-pressure stream. Head down, the young woman closes her eyes and wait for all the dust of the day to be washed off her body, leaving a translucent burnt color on the water dripping at her feet. When she finally steps outside of the communal showers, a single bright neon is waiting for her above a row of metallic lockers. Rey wraps a green towel around her toned frame, brushing a hand in her damp hair. She needs a haircut, it’s getting way too long for her liking.

Just when she’s about to change into a clean shirt and a pair of jog pants, the sound of the door breaks in the ambient silence. Clothes in hand, the young woman takes a few steps towards the exit and a faint smile slowly brushes the corner of her lips.

“Hi, baby,” she whispers with a low voice, crouching down to welcome a friendly dog.

Flip is sniffing over her clean skin, rubbing his head on her midsection with affection. She indulges the animal with some petting, gently scratching a spot between his dark brown ears.

“You’re alone ?” she inquires after a moment. “No, of course you’re not.”

Standing up, Rey walks out of the women’s lockers and gives a quick look into the corridors, expecting to see a familiar someone around the corner. It’s not long because she catches the sight of a brown BDU, leaning into the nearby door.

“You’re lost, Captain ?” she asks with a half-smile.

So late at night, the block is mostly empty but Rey keeps her voice low, just in case. Yet, there is a playful edge to her words.

“Something like that,” Solo answers, arms crossed over his chest. “But I’m working on it.”

“I bet Flip’s helping.”

“He does,” her captain smirks. “Such a good boy.”

Rey tries to keep her composure, but her smile grows wider without her consent. She doesn’t need to ask. She’s not talking to her CO anymore, she’s talking to Ben. Against better judgment, she finds herself seeking the intimacy of his person.

It’s such a traitorous feeling – spending all their nights apart when all she wants to do is crawl into his arms. Weeks, months without being able to share all the affection and the love she has for him. Until eventually one of them has a moment of weakness, something they shouldn’t do, but they do it anyway. Usually, it’s him, looking for her. And she cannot stay away when he does.

No wonder Fox has seen through their little game.

With a quick look over his shoulder, Solo steps inside the storage room and waits for her to follow. Leaving a trail of water behind her, Rey closes the door and inhales sharply in the newly found darkness. She feels Flip’s fur brushing against her bare leg and a tail wagging on the cemented ground, pacing their little escape in time. The young woman tosses her clothes to the ground without care, as a hand comes to rest over her elbow, leaving a soft touch up to her shoulder.

She finds his arms back, pressing herself to a solid chest, safe from the whole world. Just for a moment, Rey can breathe in his familiar scent, feel the warmth of his body against her, and everything is alright. A calloused hand cups her face and tilts her head back. A few heartbeats are lost in silence, just before she feels his lips coming down to meet her. And she loves every second of it.

Their kisses aren’t shy anymore, they’re heavy. The kisses of two souls that know each other at heart, without artifice, without question. It’s beyond the simple relation of lovers, after all that―all they went through together, they share something more. The trauma, the hardship, the war, the loss, the pain, the fear – and finally the same hope, still burning, still fighting. They’re still alive because they still have each other, and that’s something Rey isn’t willing to let go **―** ever. She will never let go of her hopes. She will never let go of him.

Solo wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. She’s locking arms behind his back, breathing against his lips between their kisses. A soft moan escapes her throat, feeling as her body responds to his. She’d like to be somewhere else, to have more time. But this is as best as they can get while they’re on deployment, and she’ll take it anytime. Any minute spent with him is worth the shot, even in an empty storage room somewhere in the middle of the night.

“I miss you,” she whispers. “So much.”

Solo leaves her lips to kiss the side of her face slowly. When he reaches her neck, Rey lets her head fall back, eyes closed under the darkness.

“Six weeks,” he tells her with a strained voice.

“I know.”

She’s trying not to count the days, but sometimes it gets too difficult to refrain herself. Especially when he’s holding her like he does now. They’re playing a very dangerous game, but neither of them wants to admit it. They’re just human, and sometimes, they just need to break the walls and find comfort somewhere. It’s always in each other arms, and it’s always mindful. Despite everyone else running their business on the base, they both have agreed to not have sex while they’re here, to keep it separated―private. Maybe it’s stupid, maybe it’s naive, but they needed to draw a line somewhere.

Sometimes the line is blurred, sometimes it’s difficult.

Sometimes Solo slides a hand in her hair and kisses her like _that,_ the rules are lost and he presses himself between her thighs while a towel falls to the floor. Most of the time, they stop. Just a few, they didn’t. This time, they don’t.

“This is such a bad idea.”

“I know,” Rey says, breathless.

“We can’t.”

“I know.”

“I want you so bad,” Solo tells her while she reaches for his belt.

This has nothing to do with their first time. This is just a quick fix to keep them through the motion, but it’s still love, and it’s still good because they both desperately want it.

Rey slides her hands between them, pushing Solo’s pants down while her back hits the cold metal of a ladder. She’s tugging at his shirt, trying to hold onto something. Heavy hands grabs her thighs, picking her up from the ground with a new sense of urgency. Rey closes her legs around his waist and grabs the ladder with one hand, the other resting on his shoulder. She’s unable to stop the low moan leaving her lips when he enters her.

“Shh, shh,” he whispers in her ear.

She bites her lower lip, trying to stay quiet. Solo’s face falls into the crook of her neck, kissing her skin, breathing harshly under her weight. She can feel the strain of his muscles, keeping her around him. She can feel _everything_. It’s been so lonely without him, her body is drowning under that proximity once again. The idea of what they’re doing, while they shouldn’t do it at all, is intoxicating. Rey scratches the back of his neck, tugging at his hair, eliciting wonderful noises from him. Her back is cold, shivering against the metal. The rest of her body is on fire, pressure is building between her legs and she cannot move a single finger to help it – but it’s only adding to her desire.

There is something deeply overwhelming in the exchange, and while they’re here – in Jakku – Ben is still in control.

“Rey,” he groans. “You _have_ to shut up.”

“Shut up yourself, _Sir_ ,” she moans back at him.

A deep laugh echoes in his chest, she can feel it against her own. He kisses her roughly, this time she doesn’t want to breathe again. She bites his lip, feeling herself tensing between his arms. Her nerves are set ablaze by each of his thrusts. She’s seeing white stars under her closed lids and everything else is forgotten as the minutes grow longer.

“Ben, _please―_ don’t stop,” she barely breathes out.

His fingers are painfully digging into her thighs, probably leaving traces for days, but it doesn’t matter. No one will see it but him. She doesn’t want to be with anyone but him, ever again. For the rest of her life.

Before she knows it, Rey is clenching around him, burying her face in his neck to keep quiet. The sound of his breathing is mirroring the beat of her heart, alert, fast, _alive_. A few moments later, Solo muffles his voice against her lips and he stops moving, holding onto her like there is no horizon anymore. They stand still, frozen in time, only acknowledging the touch of each other over their burning bodies. There is nothing quite like that feeling of ecstasy after they make love to each other, the longing feeling of euphoria, and the inevitable departure. The boundaries, the loneliness and the cold air between them.

Just for a few more seconds, Rey stays buried in his arms.

“You gotta promise,” she slowly whispers. “Never go where I can’t follow.”

 

✯

 

“Look at them,” Palla smirks. “A bunch of lost puppies.”

Intrigued, the young woman bends forward to have a quick look at the outside of the army-green tent. From where she stands, crossed legs on a military bunk, Rey notices the small group of people walking from the front gate. They’re fully dressed in regulation uniforms, helmets on their heads, and carrying big bags over their shoulders. They must’ve just landed at the airstrip with the morning flight and they, indeed, appear to be a little confused by their surroundings. Not so long ago, she was in their shoes and she remembers she made quite an impression that day.

Nothing is ever pausing around here to welcome fresh recruits in Sandbox. Daily life is never waiting for them and Rey continues to stack new cartridges in her pile of M4 magazines, thoroughly.

“You know you got your _own_ bed, right ?” Finn complains, poking at her leg with a copy of a sun-washed Sudoku journal.

“I like yours better,” she smiles ironically. “Plus, Rose won’t be back until next week and I need the company.”

The man shrugs and leans back on the metal frame, legs extended in front of him. After a few minutes of waffling over his grid, he finally turns around with a questioning look.

“So _―_ I was thinking,” he tells Rey. “I should text her, maybe. Like, you know, properly.”

“Oh, you mean like dating _dating_  ?” the young woman snorts.

“Haven’t you two…,” Palla intercepts the conversation with an explicit hand gesture. “You _know_. Matched the cammies ?”

The other soldier tries to ignore the intrusive remark but Rey can see him flinching with just a bit of embarrassment. This is extremely funny and delightful.

“I just wanna know it’s cool with you,” Finn says, poking at her legs again.

“Me ?”

“Yeah, I don’t know, she’s your friend. You people, you have those weird rules of whatever.”

“Us people _―_ like in _women,_ you mean ?” Rey growls at him.

“Oh dude, uh uh,” Palla snorts, shaking his head. “Bad move.”

“What? What? I just meant I don’t want it to be weird between us! You’re my teammate! C’mon Rey, you _know_  !”

“I really have no idea what your problem is,” Rey says with an attitude, resuming her ammunition duty.

“You’re _bad_ ,” the other soldier carries on, pressing his hands together with a loud clap.

Just when Finn is about to dig his grave deeper, someone enters the tent with a dramatic flow of curse words.

“-that fucking sandstorm on my _ass_ ,” Fox rumbles. “Alright, ladies! Mail time! Ziff.”

As the man raises his hands in the air, Fox tosses him a small rectangular package, safely tapped in every corner.

“Palla. Merle.”

“Do you think your wife sent us more hot sauce ?”

“Man, I hope she did. That food tastes like shit !”

Laughter erupts among the small group while the sergeant continues his round of delivery.

“Rigel, you got some mail.”

The young woman has to pause and look at him to make sure she hasn’t actually lost an eardrum in the last explosion. Standing next to her technically-not bed, Fox is waving an arm at her with an impatient frown on his sweaty face.

“Is that your boyfriend ?” one of them inevitably teases.

“Yes, _exactly_ ,” she grins with irony.

Rey forgets her cartridges and quickly snatches the small letter with a puzzled look, probably more curious to know the identity of the expediter than any of them. In almost two years of service, it’s the first time she’s receiving anything – why would she? There is no one home to send her news. But somehow, someone _did_ and that’s unheard for. Upon reading the heading on the envelope, a weird mix of emotions pulls out distant memories from the back of her brain. This is very unexpected, but she’s eager to know what her former instructor could possibly have to say to her. Is he retiring? Is he coming to Jakku?

Rey lets her gaze fall upon the short, concise handwriting covering a single white sheet of paper.

 

 

 

> _Adhara,_
> 
> _I’ve been told you’re doing a good job over there. I wanted to let you know that things are moving. Just make sure you hang on a bit longer, you might see the end of it. Glad you’re still alive._
> 
> _C. Andor._

 

The young woman goes over the two lines a few more times, just to be sure. Does this mean _―_?

Upon hearing the particular whistle lingering in the hot air, just outside their palace, Rey loses her train of thoughts. Already, the men are jumping out of their bunk beds to gather by the entrance of the tent. Following the motion, the medic tucks the letter under Finn’s pillow and walks outside to join her squad, stretching her legs in the jakkuvian sand. Without surprise, she’s taking a stand in front of her captain.

“At ease,” he quickly dismisses the team. “Sergeant, get me the others. Meeting in the briefing room in ten.”

“Yes, Sir! I’m on it,” Fox responds before taking off in a rapid jog.

After another sharp look at his men, Solo crosses his arms behind his back and a barely noticeable smile grazes the corner of his mouth under a growing beard.

“Put a damn pants on, Palla ! Where do you think you are, Canto Bight ?”

“Yes, Sir !”

While her comrade retreats into their quarters to get rid of his summer shorts, Rey quietly scans Solo’s face for more inputs on the situation. She catches the glimpse of gold in his deep brown eyes, the tension in his posture and the authority of his shoulders. Without exchanging a single word with her CO, the young woman is now intimately certain that the letter of Andor was not misleading. _Just in time_ , she thinks. This is where it all goes down. This is where we take yet another stance. Apparently, she's not the only one picking up the cue.

“Is that it? Are we moving, Cap ?” finally asks Merle, avid for answers.

Over their heads, the sound of a dual-rotor engine flying by covers the last of his voice for a hot minute.

“Oh yeah,” Solo nods into the abrasive wind. “We are.”

“Are we gonna get those fuckers this time ?”

Rey feels her heartbeat jumping on her chest, white-hot adrenaline burning in her veins. She’s used to it by now. This is her life – this is what she _does_.

“I hope you’re ready for some action, folks,” the captain trails off. “They’re sending us to take back Tuanul.”

“ _Yes_ , bitch! Oorah !”

Next to her, Merle and Finn exchange a frantic high five. They’ve been waiting for this for months now. It all started with one simple rescue mission: Crix Madine - call sign Yellow Moon - defecting the ranks of the IAF with a crucial agenda to deliver to the other side. All the military Intel, the moving operations, the careful plotting, and scouting. They could sense it was building towards something more, something important for the cause, ready to blow up. Now, they’re going to fight back the Empire and push back the line. They’re going to break the choke-hold and the supply lines of the enemy. With Tuanul, the Alliance will be asserting domination over the rest of the country, shifting politics and negotiations over liquid gold – the major oil fields of Jakku.

With Tuanul, they will avenge Bazine.

With the Empire’s surrender, they will avenge all the brave souls who fought against darkness for so long. Snap. Tallissan.

They will see the end of it, together, or die while they try - but they won't have any regret left at the end of the day.

Solo lets the men walk past him, heading to the staff meeting block with a burning fervor. He towers over Rey silently, waiting, an orange scarf picking through the collar of his brown jacket. Under the dusty sky of a foreign country, the two of them exchange some unspoken promises. There is no need for heavy words. All of their hearts beat the same, united by the red strings of hopes and rebellions.

This was the place where they were sent to bleed and die, but it taught them what it means to be alive instead _―_ fully, completely. It’s not about living just another day anymore, it’s about what you’re living for. For yourself, for somebody else, for a country, for an idea, for a dream. Whatever it is, life isn’t just about surviving – it never was. It’s about the battles you’re willing to fight in order to exist, to be yourself, to be free, to be happy.

Life is about the desires of your heart and the places your courage will lead you, one step at a time. Even if it seems impossible, even if all the odds are against you, even when all hopes are lost – you never give up. You take all the chances, over and over again, because you only need one to get through it. And you never know what you may find on the other edge of that cliff.

Rey was destined to be nobody _―now she’s everything in someone else’s eyes._

Ben is her forever home, and for as long as they’ll have days left together in this life, she will fight this battle. And he will fight with her.

“I’m gonna need a medic for this,” her captain finally says with a warm, deep voice.

The young woman raises her chin to meet him, putting a hand on her forehead to shield her vision from the blazing sun.

“Lucky you, Captain,” she smiles with assurance. “I’m the medic.”

 

✯✯✯

 

Fin.

 

✯

✯

✯

 

That's it. We're done team.

Thank you so much for being with me all along!!!

If you want to connect and have some news on my next fic, find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/codeblackspace).

Love you dog squad, xxx

 

 


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